


Nothing will cage me any more

by FujiDawn



Series: And we, too, could be glorious [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Engagement, FemaleLoki, Genderbending, Hurt Loki, Loki Feels, Marriage, Mpreg, Multi, Odin is awful, Pregnancy, Spoilers for the Thor2 Prequel-Comic, let's call it Loki!Preg, overanalysing the movies, something between mpreg and not mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 61,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FujiDawn/pseuds/FujiDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had taken one second of distraction for Loki to escape.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What happens after Thor brings our favourite Trickster back to Asgard, why Loki could escape, and what ensues after the little fish tank he supposed to be kept in was left empty.<br/>And what he finds once he is hiding again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Syifrae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syifrae/gifts).
  * Translation into Italiano available: [Niente mi chiuderà più in gabbia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5191277) by [EthicsGradient](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthicsGradient/pseuds/EthicsGradient)



> What about that. Another one. I'm doomed.  
> Be alert of soft spoilers for Thor - The Dark World. I found some comic in which Odin and Loki are speaking, and this conversation will be replayed in this fic, too, so be warned.  
> This thing is inspired by a timeline I found, a pretty good one at that, I think, and it centers around Loki's thoughts, his feelings, his emotions.
> 
> Gifted to Yeah_um_no because it was inspired by the fic "I was procrastinating", which is so adorable!  
> ( http://archiveofourown.org/works/804467 )

It had taken one second of distraction for Loki to escape.

One moment, in which Thor had opened the manacles that bound his magical abilities and the guards had not closed the door to the glass cage completely, had been enough.

Loki had sighed, had given the Thunderer an almost apologetically glance, before he vanished in a soft puff of golden sparkles.

Following one of the older paths that connected the realms, Loki crafted the spell which shrouded him from the eyes of Odin and Heimdall anew, feeling it cloak him again after the brief absence he had to endure, as the Allfather forced him to part with his magic and all his enchantments disappeared – save the one which gave him Aesir appearance.

He snorted. Trust the king to hide his true heritage even after he had done something which had him face imprisonment until world's end and had him cast out of the family once and for all.

Odin calling him Laufeyson had made that point very clear.

So he shattered the glamour his foster-father had put on him, shuddering at the blue hue his skin took on as the magic vanished, just to replace it with another one – sturdier and much harder to breach – that did not place the stench of asgardian magic upon his body.

The God emerged from the path, coming up somewhere remote, cold, with a lot of water near the rocks he stood on. There was a sliver of sun on the horizon.

Loki inhaled deeply, snow crunching as he took a few steps.

Midgard once again. He would deal with it. This realm he was almost fond of. Granted, he had wanted to subjugate the planet, as he was eager to hurt Thor, but being honest he liked Earth and the mortals. They were fascinating, these short-lived individuals, their petty feelings and emotions, always fighting, always finding new ways to cope with obstacles. Loki had visited this realm more often than he could count throughout the centuries, watching and observing in as many places as he could.

“Hey!”

Loki whirled around. His breath crystallized in the air as he scanned the landscape, angry at himself for not registering another person in his vicinity – or hearing the thrumming sound of an engine, as the human rode one of those snow-mobiles towards the Aesir.

“You all right? What the hell are you doing out here?”, the mortal yelled at him before coming to a halt, scrunching up his face in confusion.

“It's way too cold to take a stroll down here. You're barely wearing anything.”

Oh, right. They had stripped most of his armour and leathers from him before tossing him into the fish tank. He wore the green under-tunic of his armour, as well as his trousers and boots, but was bare of any other clothing.

Well, he was not fond of the cold, but it did not affect him that much either.

Loki huffed and gazed upon the mortal.

“Where am I, exactly?”, he asked, altering the Old Norse that was spoken on Asgard to fit the language the man in front of him had used – after all, it was the stem of the modern Scandinavian languages.

“I gather that we are on Iceland, but it seems I am lost.”

The human arched an eyebrow.

“Dude, it's way below zero, you're clothed in a shirt I'd wear at a sunny and hot beach, and you want to know where we are? That is your top priority?”

The God rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“I assure you, hypothermia will not befall me. However, I have not been here for many a year, and it seems as if there are no stars today I can observe to show me my way.”

The human sighed.

“We're near Akureyri. That's on the northern coast. Do you need a ride?”

Loki nodded. Additionally, he needed a plan.

 

 

They had stopped in front of an inn, where his state of more or less undress had several pairs of eyes glancing at him. He'd asked about a room, and when asked how he wanted to pay, Loki swiftly and discreetly summoned a nugget of pure, glistening gold – worth much more than the room would cost – and excused himself with a nonchalant “I seem to have lost my wallet. Will this suffice?”

Naturally, there were no more questions.

Once alone in a heated chamber, Loki sat down on the bed and exhaled softly, sighing in relief.

He was free once again. Granted, Odin and his half-witted oaf of a not-brother were surely searching for him as of now, but they would not find him. The spell made sure of that. Loki had perfected it over the years, and it was no effort at all holding it for any amount of time, even in sleep and unconsciousness (it had been rather uncomfortable testing that, and he had not volunteered, but things happened.). If the Gods would not encounter him per chance, they would never see him again.

Rearranging his thoughts, Loki wriggled his fingers in well-practised movements. A medium sized sack appeared besides him, as well as some books and a tiny, wooden statue of a wolf.

The sorcerer took the figurine, a frown settling on his features. He had crafted it with the helping hands of his mother. They had carved the wood with knifes, careful and controlled, without magic to help them. He had been barely ten years old. He wondered if the second one, the one he had done all alone and gifted to his mother, still was seated on her desk. It had been there for the last millennium, and even if he hoped it would still be there, the realisation that it very likely was gone now did hurt more than Loki could admit.

They had parted ways, and he was not part of her family any more.

He crammed it into the bag, besides the various gems and rare metals he had gathered in his long years, where the nugget had come from also. It never hurt to have a small fortune to call ones own.

In an afterthought, Loki summoned a whole array of papers and parchment as well as ink and a pen – Asgard had abandoned writing with feathers long, long ago – before he began to list things he would need and how to acquire them as soon as possible.

He briefly wondered if anyone took notice of his things vanishing out of the rooms he had lived in before or if they were already redecorating them.

There was of course the dire need of a place to stay. He would not be averse to living in nature, he had done this more than once and was well prepared to survive without access to modern facilities, but he figured that the humans would not take kindly to someone living like a hermit, killing their wildlife (even if he did not need so much food) and disturbing their woods. Loki would attract much less attention if he just went to live with them in their houses and apartments.

So, where to?

Of course, one of the scandinavian countries would be nice, Loki had always liked them best. He would easily adapt to their speech, as he always had. Words were his forte, and so were languages.

On the other hand, Odin and Thor knew exactly that he liked North Europe best. When they came to Midgard searching for him, they would start there. He had to think of somewhere else.

A smirk crossed his lips.

He had not seen New York for some time. Loki had been there the century before, and he did not count the brief instant that had been the Invasion he led. The city was crowded and ever changing, chances were nobody would recognize him. No one would bat an eye at him. Perhaps the misfits (read: Avengers) would, but a new haircut or perhaps another colour would do wonders. They would never believe him to return to the place of defeat. It was foolproof.

Transporting to New York was hardly an obstacle, but he would like to stay in Iceland for some time – his last visit had been some centuries ago. There surely were things to visit, sites to see where he and Thor had done exceptionally stupid things like seducing woman that were already married, showing off his magic and Mjölnir (and that really had kick-started the whole god-thing), as well as wandering along the glaciers, only to scare the village people.

What after? He needed access to some official papers like a passport and the like, preferably from Iceland, as he had more information on this part of the Earth as some others, despite his being absent from the Island for more than a few decades. He kept up with his favourite place.

And sometime after settling down, there would be the need for a working place. Currency had not been that much of an issue in Asgard, for Loki had been a Prince and therefore had gotten anything he could wish for, but here on Midgard he would have need of it. And his little treasure would not be there forever.

Well, he could do that.

Then he jolted up from his musings.

When had he decided to actually _stay_ on Midgard? He had eight realms to choose from, even Asgard would be not that hard to inhabit once again (but he would not do that – too many memories).

Loki sighed.

“Never try to lie to the God of Lies.”, he muttered, a faint smile twisting his lips.

He wanted to stay. He wanted to see what had happened to the people who defied him, he wanted to see how New York coped.

Perhaps he even wanted to see the damage repaired.

Loki rubbed his temple as unwanted thoughts stirred awake. His mind had been a twisted and corrupted thing after he had fallen. And he had fallen for aeons. Being found by the Other and the mad Titan had not helped his sanity in the least – they wielded their words almost as well as he could. The shard in the sceptre had done the rest. It filled him with _truth_ – Loki scoffed – and his actions spiralled down.

Shaking his head, he went back to his plans. And sighed deeply.

He definitely needed one of these electrical contraptions that connected to the rest of the world.

 

 

A month later Loki was back in the USA. Some hair dye and a shorter cut had rendered his face beyond recognition, and that would do way better than a constant glamour, which was draining and prone to failure. He had acquired a passport – he was a legal citizen of Iceland now, called Luka Runasson (he had toyed with Loðinn, which meant 'hairy' or 'woolly', and he had cackled a lot longer about that than he thought he would; that a simple letter could _damage_ a name like that!) – and had one of these things one needed when trying to get a job in a foreign state. He'd forgotten how it was called. Did not matter much, he thought.

He bought a little flat near Central Park, got himself acquainted with the currency and the newest technology and had walked around the city, taking in the damage and the repairs.

The humans were a sturdy folk. Many buildings were damaged, but they were working wonders and had redone a great deal already. The corpses of the Chitauri and the Leviathans were gone completely, and even the Tower of Stark had back it's unblemished facade. It still was ugly, Loki thought. Especially as Stark obviously had kept only the 'a' of his name to the Tower, thus naming it 'Avengers Tower' in all but the official paperwork, or so Loki had been told by a waitress as he ventured to sit down in a café that faced the place.

“Are you waiting for Iron Man? Many of our guests come here just to get a glimpse, he mostly flies to his tower taking this route over the street here.”, she asked as he stared at the monument longer than he wanted.

Loki shook his head.

“No. I'm just... taking it in.”

She smiled and handed him the hot chocolate he had ordered.

“Captain America saved my life when these Aliens attacked. I'm grateful that they were here, and I sleep a lot better knowing that all of them – that is, the Avengers - reside in the Tower most of the time. It's really nice of Mr. Stark to offer them the place.”

Oh, so they lived all together now? How fortunate.

If he ever wanted to kill them again, he just needed to blow this thing up then.

He smirked.

“Please, tell me more. I'm new in town.”, he said, sipping his beverage in small portions and letting the girl fill him in.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn his bad luck. Fate did not make it easy on Loki.
> 
> What happens when Loki gets a job. And who finds him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> Spoilers for the Comic-strip that directly prequels"The Dark World". The cursive text is the whole page, complete and damned as it is. Bah.

 

Three days later, he got hired in the American Museum of National History as a specialist for old scandinavian texts and relics. They had a special exhibition starting soon, featuring the Norse Mythology – Loki gritted his teeth and smiled as friendly as he could – as a token to Thor, for rescuing the city. There were artefacts, texts, pictures, art. You name it, they got it. Apparently his own name had been kept from the news and tabloids, as nobody flinched or broke down in angry tirades in the museum whenever the God of Lies was mentioned.

“Luka, is everything okay? You always get startled when someone says 'Thor' or 'Loki'.”, one of his workmates asked on his first day, and hell, he did, didn't he?

“It's nothing. I just have a hard time grasping that one of them should be real.”

He got laughter back for that and smiled wary.

“Believe it. I've seen him on the news when he summoned that really strong lightning on the Empire State Building. If he's not real, I don't know what could be.”

So nobody knew that 'Loki' had been at fault for the damage and the terror. When he googled the events later in the evening on his Laptop, he did not find a single picture of himself, the same as with his name.

The humans apparently did not want to admit that there were beings that wanted to crush them – from the same place as one who wanted to rescue them. Interesting.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“Loki has escaped.”, Thor said gravely, watching the disbelief grow on his shield-brothers (and sisters) faces.

“What?! You were supposed to keep him!”, Stark squealed, before flopping back on his couch.

They had met in his living room, now as good as new, when Thor had arrived with the Tesseract.

“He fled his cell, I do not know how. Father is at a loss, too. It should have been enough to keep him in check.”

The Avengers all grumbled something. Fury would pop a vein.

“So, where is he now?”, Steve asked and feared the response.

Thor sighed deeply and full of sorrow.

“We do not know. He is able to shield his presence from Father and Heimdall, and as long as the spell is intact, there is no finding him but coincidence. Loki could be anywhere in the Nine Realms.”

Tony groaned.

“Well, isn't that just fucking perfect.”

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Loki had wanted to feign illness for the evening.

The exhibition was opened with a big gala event, many people were attending, famous and rich ones alike, to gather donations. Repairs were pretty costly, and the Museum wanted to share.

But, being the one who had worked with the exhibits the most, and having a great understanding of it (without giving much away as to where he had acquired it), the Director practically _begged_ him to attend. The God had sighed and given in.

That is why he found himself in front of the giant bones of the Tyrannosaurus Rex, a glass of champagne in hand, engaged in some small talk with a reporter only mere hours later. He dreaded the moment his opponents would walk in.

“... most fascinating!”, the woman said and smiled at him. He mirrored the expression and nodded.

“Do you have a piece which aroused your attention?”, she asked and sipped her champagne and licking her lips.

Loki snorted inwardly at the blatant try to flirt subtly. Mix a stimulating word into some oral action, and there you have the perfect net for any man.

Well, almost.

“There is a dagger I like. Despite having been in the soil for almost a thousand years it is not rusty at all. It's a mystery as to how it could stay that way, and I quite like a riddle.”

Shortly after, he excused himself and went a round along the exhibits. He made sure they stayed where they belonged, checked over the socket where Thor would place Mjölnir (when he finally arrived), to complete the event, and went to refill his glass. He needed the alcohol. Badly.

“Scotch, please. Make it double.”, a well-known voice ordered directly besides him.

Loki wanted to flee on the spot. Stark was the one who had seen him the clearest, besides Thor. If someone could recognize him, he would. The Sorcerer gulped down his champagne in a big mouthful and went for another.

Stark snorted.

“That's the spirit. Big fancy ass gala, no one intelligent enough to speak to, and the interesting people still not here. And I thought I was the one who's always late.”

Loki just 'mh'ed, nodding softly, already shifting to go again.

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”, the engineer asked and gripped his arm. Loki stopped and flashed him a brilliant smile.

“I don't know, do you? I'm sorry, I have to get back to work.”

And then he went without waiting for an answer.

Just a minute after that, the room exploded into chatter and applause as the rest of the team came in, with Thor at the front, smiling brightly and greeting everyone.

The Director welcomed him and thanked him profoundly for his good deeds (and how hard Loki rolled his eyes at that – squishing every spark of sentiment he felt. He would not feel beneath him any more.)

Thor set his hammer onto the pedestal, with a lightning of photographs, and with that, the normal buzz of a room filled with small talk returned.

Loki tried to escape his boss when he came to him, but was not able. The Director found everyone when he wanted.

“Mr. Runasson! You _have_ to meet them! This is your work, do you not want to talk to the only one able to get you another sight on it?”, he asked, incredulous. It was as much a command as it could be.

“Of course. Lead the way.”

He drained another glass. How much did he have? Four? He needed something stronger to deal with his idiotic bro--

with Thor. They were not family any more, not since the crowning attempt.

That sobered him up a great deal, and now he wished for a very hard drink all the more. Absinthe seemed perfect.

“Well, hello again!”, Stark said as they arrived, and grinned at him.

Loki pulled himself together and turned on the charm.

“Oh, hi! I'm sorry, I did not want to appear impolite, I just had to check my exhibits again.”

The Avengers nodded as he was introduced, and Loki was amazed that not even the widow seemed to cross-reference him to the man they fought only two months prior.

“Do you have any questions? I don't want to leave our resident heroes without answers.”, he said, smiling brilliantly and inviting.

Thor nodded enthusiastically.

“Please do tell me where you found the little black knife in the box besides Mjölnir.”

Biting back a scathing remark, the sorcerer looked at the item in question.

“Oh, it was detected at a site in Iceland, three years ago. It's a special little thing, there is no sign of rust or age on it, despite lying in wet soil for the last centuries. Most historians believe it to be a throwing knife, or a dagger.”

Or both. Loki had missed it dearly when it left his side, but could not find it when returning.

Thor's smile took a sad edge as he observed the thin blade.

“So that's where he lost it. We wondered for decades.”

The Director's eyes almost popped out.

“You know it's owner?”

The blonde nodded.

“It's my brothers. He lost it when we visited Earth in our youth. He almost went mad when he could not find it again. It was his first self-crafted knife, and he enchanted it with a very powerful spell that saved it from decaying – or getting rusty.”

“What, over a knife he almost went nuts?”, the archer asked and grinned.

“It was dear to him, a special material and a very straining spell. Our father helped him with it, and so it was a weapon with meaning to him.”

Loki held back the “Your father!” and the fitting sneer with a strain, but the smile stayed. It morphed a bit, more inquisitive this time than friendly.

“The Edda does not give away that the mighty Thor--” urgh, he had to go. Now-ish. “--has a brother.”

“Yeah, he has, it's a bit of a complicated family mess.”, Stark threw in and Thor frowned at him.

“It is not complicated. Father and Loki just have to truly speak to each other. Both of them are too hot headed to talk.”

The one in question snorted. All eyes darted to him, and he sniggered.

“Loki? As in the God of Mischief, Chaos and Lies?”

Thor grumbled.

“That you mortals always come with these first. Yes, Loki is my brother. Not by blood, he was adopted as a babe, but in all other aspects I count him as my sibling.”

“Thor, truly, even now? After all he's done?”, the Captain asked, exasperated and chiding at the same time. Widow and the Archer whispered something to each other.

The God's face changed into a mask of determination and confidence.

“I won't lose hope that he will come back to me. I have not been the best brother to him, and I want to prove I have changed. Because of him, for he was the one to get me here last year to learn.”

Yes, and see how well that had worked out for Loki himself.

Bruce smiled sheepishly up to the Director.

“Are there any documents regarding the History of the Mythology?”

“Oh well, you'll have to ask Mr. Runasson here, he's our specialist. He knows best what to show you and it's history.”

When the humans turned to him – Thor was still ogling his blade – Loki forced another smile up his face.

“Of course. Shall I give you a tour?”

He was doomed, he knew it, the second all of them nodded with pure delight.

... and he still needed that drink.

 

 

When he had finally been able to leave he was done. Completely.

Groaning, he let his door fall close and threw his keys onto the table, his jacket following moments later, as well as the tie.

Well, at least his fears of being recognized had been nullified. If his enemies had realised the man they were talking to had been the cause for the gala – as far-fetched as it sounded – he would already be trying to escape from that blasted cage in the floating fortress again.

He would be able to start over.

He _had_ to start over.

A shiver trailed down his spine as memories invaded his mind. Memories that hurt, that pained him greatly.

As Thor had returned him to Asgard, they met the Allfather and the Queen alone. Odin had been his old, stern self, unforgiving as he always had been in regard of his adopted monster. Frigga cried as she saw him, embracing him even after all he did, sobbing for the lost child that was returned to her. Loki had not been able to look at her.

When she was removed from the 'trial' – it had been just Odin and himself, what court was held in such small frame? - the man he once loved as a father had cast him out so thorough, it had rendered the sorcerer immobile and speechless as he had never been before, not even as his true parentage was unveiled to him.

_“I intended to rule Earth with the same firm hand with which you rule all the nine realms. To show humanity the same_ **mercy** _you've granted your opponents. And if given the chance, I might have even stolen a mortal infant, and raised it as my own.”, Loki had spat, words his only weapon now._

_Odin had replied with words of his own that cut deeper than any knife could ever hope to cut._

_“Frigga clings to you like the mother of a drowned child, but she is too late to safe you. The boy I knew is_ **dead** _. What remains is a creature I do not recognize.”_

_Turning away, he spoke the words which shattered Loki and confirmed to him that Odin had never loved him._

_“Frigga is why you still live, but this was the last time you will ever see her. Spend the rest of your wicked days in the dungeons... Loki Laufeyson.”_

 

As Loki came to, he was on his knees, panting harshly and sweating. All he had believed in was uprooted, his family turned away from him, his place in the universe gone, destroyed with a single word.

_Laufeyson_.

He pressed his hands to his eyes in a feeble attempt to block out the tears, to unsee what had happened.

How dearly he wished to turn back time to before anything had gone downwards. How desperate he wanted to forget his heritage, to burn away the image of cold, blue flesh, of despair and anger and bitterness, to rid the world of words spoken out of hatred.

Shaking, he pulled himself onto the couch and curled into himself.

He never believed to be welcomed to the royal family after his attempt at ruling Midgard, but he had clung to Odins words he had spoken in the weaponry down in Asgard.

_You're my son._

It had been the only family he had. Left to die by his parents by birth because of his genetic defect – too small, too weak, runt, dwarf, worthless – Loki had felt so utterly lost after finding out that the parents he thought he knew had hidden a monster under his skin.

He _wanted_ to belong, he _ached_ to be worthy of them and the equal of his big brother, when in truth he would never stand on the same ground as the common Aesir. He was beneath them all.

Had it been too much to ask? To be on par?

He shivered as more memories flooded his thoughts, and Loki was unable to stop them. He was broken, and so was his mind.

The glances cast at him as he grew to be of wiry and lean build, so different from Thor.

The way he just sucked up magic and it's use, almost no training needed. So different from Odin, who had worked hard for it's mastery.

His silver tongue and ability to lie easily and convincing to anyone.

So different from all of them.

He was looked down on by the warriors of Asgard. The young man did not fight like they did, with strength and bravery, but with tactic and trickery. He was not one of them.

And how they mocked him, how cruel their words even if Loki was the one getting them out of danger most of the time.

Loki grit his teeth as images of Jotunheim flashed before his closed eyes, Thor's relentless _'Know your place, brother'_ , even if the younger one just wanted to escape without having to start a war. Another scene from the same day clawed at his mind.

_Some do battle, others just do tricks._

Loki had let his anger out on the wine, when in truth he wanted to shout and rage at his brother, all arrogant and insufferable and so thick-headed it was a wonder Thor could walk upright.

He had been right to sabotage the crowning. Thor would have led Asgard into ruin with his self-obsessed ways.

The God moaned softly. His head felt like it could explode or implode at any time. His eyes burned with unshed tears, he felt cold to the core.

He hurled himself into his bed, grateful for not having to work in the morning, before attempting to push away all these thoughts. It did not do him any good dwelling in them besides ripping away what little scab had been able to build over the scars on his heart and soul.

Sleep came late, and light. But a restful night was rare for him since the day he first had seen his skin turn blue.

 

 

When he woke up some long hours later, the sun had risen already and he felt a bit better than in the evening.

Loki really should stay away from the Avengers if it always resulted in such horrible breakdowns.

Setting up water for tea, he checked over his phone and the news.

There was an article of the gala, with a big picture of Thor setting down Mjölnir on the pedestal, all flashy smile and joyful.

“Always loved by the masses.”, Loki muttered softly before skimming the text.

Oh, his name came up – the fake one, mind you. Apparently the thick oaf had praised his work on the artefacts and the history, for being able to get it almost right.

The sorcerer snorted.

If he just knew.

So, after getting ready for the day and deciding that he could as well get something done, he went to the library and searched for manuscripts and texts which would spill some new things over the myths and legends he helped to create. And was that not an entirely amusing thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This I wanted to get out. All these feelings. Poor Loki.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some small insight into the heroes. A proper meeting, a talk, and a death wish.

~~~~~~

 

“I swear, for a second I saw Loki. Yes, I was drunk, and yes, I haven't slept for almost fifty hours, but I am able to recognize the guy who threw me out of my own fucking window.”, Tony ranted.

Natasha arched an eyebrow.

“Thor would have identified him. You saw what you wanted to see, Stark.”

“What I wanted to-- No way! Tasha, please! Even I would not be that crazy!”

She snorted and sipped at her coffee, watching as Steve, Clint and Bruce were preparing their lunch. Thor had gone back to the Museum, amusing himself with what humans had made of his people.

“You are a sucker for dangerous and attractive things, Tony. Don't deny it. And don't try to play your hetero-card. I _have_ seen you ogling Steve more than once, and Pepper confirmed that you take anything to bed if it's interesting enough.”

The engineer pouted and mumbled something about 'nosy ex-girlfriends with blackmail material' before sighing.

“I wouldn't just let him fuck me – or vice versa – because he is easy on the eyes. He still tried to kill me, us, and destroyed half of New York.”

“The fact remains that he affected you in some way.”

He groaned.

“Gods, yes, he did. So what? It's not as if he will show up at my doorstep and ask me to marry him. We're enemies. Have you never had a wet dream about something so absurdly out of line?”

Natasha grinned.

“Of course. But I still think you wanted to see Loki, after Thor told us he escaped. Perhaps in some way redeeming himself, suffering for what he did, _punishing_ himself over his deeds.”, she purred and Tony hated the way her words hit so perfectly. And the pictures she created in his mind with only a word. He shuddered lightly.

The spy chuckled.

“Oh Tony, you are far too easy. Damn, promise me you'll tell me if you ever encounter the freaky alien sorcerer again so that we don't have to kick you out of the team and stamp a big, red 'compromised' on your file. I promise I will hear you out before shooting.”

“How nice of you. Pinky swear, Tasha. If I ever end up talking to him in any other way than to save my own skin, I'll come straight to you – after I tested him out.”

Both laughing, he stood up and went to set the table, but was pinched in the side by little sneaky fingers and squeaked.

“You better.”

It wasn't as if they would not trust each other – hell, they had saved the world together, back to back and relying on the others – but they all had their kinks and flaws, and, well, Tony was a loner, even if he had learned to play team a bit more nowadays. He was not the person who confided in others, he had to find a way for himself first.

In these two months after the attack, the Avengers had grown on each other. Natasha and Bruce had found a ground to built friendship on, Clint and Steve worked out together as if they'd done it for years, while Tony had more or less adopted them all – in his own way.

Bruce was his science-buddy, and he just loved the Hulk – had liked him even before the green thing had fished him out of thin air and rescuing him. So he had invited him to stay, research with him, and talk science to him. They could spend days in the labs without surfacing.

Natasha had become his best friend, scary as she was, but she had her own priorities, and Clint being the main one, she had decided that the big baby Stark needed a woman in his life besides Pepper Potts (whom had broken up with the billionaire after realising that they had worked much better as friends). They could act eerily the same, and they already had disciplined him into drinking much less.

The russian liked Tony. It was like having a sibling all of a sudden.

 

~~~~~~

 

A frown settled on Loki's face as he went through the items that were displayed in the museum.

His dagger was gone.

The only piece worthy to be looked at. Vanished.

“I pinned you a memo, Luka, haven't you seen it? Thor came back yesterday and asked to take back the knife. Said it would be a present for his brother when they would see each other again.”, his co-worker (Stan) told him.

Fantastic. His own good stolen from him. Again.

“And he asked if you were here today, too, it seems he's very interested in what you have dug out.”

Loki groaned.

“I have work to do! There are so many texts I haven't transcribed yet, not to speak of the many runes to be deciphered on some little stones. I don't have time for him.”

His colleague huffed.

“You know, if I had the chance to talk with a god, who just so happens to be one of the ones my manuscripts dealt with, I would jump at the opportunity. Squeeze him for all the information you can! Hell, you could use Thor to help you!”

Loki slammed shut one of his drawers.

“Thank you, I am quite capable of my work without having a living Norse God breathing down my neck.”

Stan rolled his eyes.

“Of course. Just take the chance. Too late now anyway, the Boss is already dragging him down here.”

The resident God of Chaos bit his teeth. Damn his foul luck. He should have stayed in Iceland.

“Ah, Mr. Runasson! Mr. Odinson here would like to discuss some things with you!”

Forcing a smile on his lips, Loki surrendered.

“But of course. I'll be out in a second.”

He had to remain calm. Thor had not recognized him the evening before, he would not do so now. Even if he did, Loki just would disappear again. Thor would not be able to hold him.

So he faced the golden child of Asgard, smiled and led him to the exhibit.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Odinson?”, he grit out.

“Thor, please. You have done a wonderful job at this. I wanted to thank you personally for getting the dagger here. It has great value to my brother and I will see it returned to him.”

Loki nodded.

“Anything for a God.”

Thor chuckled.

“Sometime I will have to explain that we Aesir are not essentially gods at all.”

The younger one shrugged while imagining terrifying and painful ways to kill the other. Of course they were gods! By definition. They were higher beings, fitted with personally variable gifts and skills. By all means, to the human and mortal population, they were. Period.

“It's not important for me, seeing as I don't believe in any god.”

Setting Mjölnir down on her (yes, the damned hammer had a gender, as had the Tesseract. They had a mind of their own.) own special spot again, Thor walked to one end of the room and beckoned him closer.

“Are you interested in the story of how the Aesir fought the Frost Giants?”, he asked, and a gleam shone in his eyes.

Repulsed in his mind, Loki carved a perfectly curious mask on his face.

“I always loved a good fight between races.”, he said, and Thor began to tell the tale they both had heard so many years ago, down in the weaponry, told by Odin himself. Of course, the Thunderer used more words and highlighted his father especially, and Loki almost gagged at the lump that formed in his throat. When he looked up again, the Blonde stared into the distance, a frown settled on his face.

“When I heard the tale the first time, I promised to slay them all, as my father had done. I thought he would be proud of me. I continued to believe so way too long, and now I regret ever doing so. They are sentient beings as we are, and one always has to make sure to find a way without bloodshed. I have run into battle too many times without thinking about the consequences.”

Look at that, Loki thought. He truly has learned a lesson.

“Aren't they the monsters in the realms? Are the Frost Giants not feared any more?”, he said before he could think twice. Damn him.

Thor sighed.

“They are way more ruthless than any other nation or race, and the Aesir fear them still. But even so, they are no monsters. No more than we are for taking away their power and basis for living. My father defeated them – and left them with nothing. He fuelled their rage, and I gave them an outlet to finally claim war again.”

Loki stared at him. Well, times surely changed. The oaf never before had criticized his father. Perhaps there was hope for his rule still.

Then the blonde chuckled a bit and turned a bit so he was facing another showcase.

“But there is one thing I am eternally grateful for. The Jötunn are a race of perfection. They do not accept what is not as they are. So when the former king left his first-born to die in the snow because he was of short nature and way smaller than any other infant the Giants ever had born, Odin claimed the child as his and I gained the most valuable person in my life. My brother.”

The one in question could not hold his mask. He tried, but it slipped and shattered and it hurt so much, and he was never good enough, and Thor lying better than he, the Liesmith, ever could dream of just was the cherry on top.

Loki turned away, his face a mess of rage and pain. He controlled his breathing, to not give himself away completely, before speaking.

“If I recall correctly, you said you haven't been the best brother to him. Perhaps you should have told him what you think of him.”

“I should have, yes. I love him dearly, and much has happened in the last months. We both have changed greatly, and I came to realize the error of my ways. I belittled him when he would have deserved praise, and I mocked him when I should have been grateful, but I was too arrogant and self-regarding to notice. We are very different, and I never understood his ways, but now I know a bit better. When I see him again, I will cuff him to my side for a talk.”

Loki had not thought that something could hurt like that. The promise of a brother who still loved him when it was clear to him that he would never set foot on Asgard again, to never be reunited with Thor as they once were cut into his soul like a hot iron and coiled in his belly.

It was too late for them to mend. Even if Thor would like to welcome him back, Odin had made clear that all that stood between Loki and an execution was Frigga. Now that he was a fugitive, there would be no mercy for him.

With great effort, he twisted his features back into a curious state and stared into the cabinets.

“Is Asgard as cruel as the Edda leads to believe? Are there mouths sewn shut and feral animals tied down until the world's end? What happens to someone who has done a great wrong to the realm?”

He looked at Thor, casually, interested.

“What happened to you for igniting a war?”

Thor grimaced.

“Father banished me. He stripped me of my power – the longevity, my strength, the capability to lift Mjölnir – and sent me here to learn. I did. I was taught to think not only in my own interest, but for others, too. I changed and do so every day.”

Loki nodded. Even if his scheme had not worked as he wanted it, it still had some effect on the brute.

“I see.”

Then he turned around and went two steps.

“Excuse me, but I seem to have run out of time. I have an appointment I can't miss. Please feel free to look at our items as long as you wish to. Have a nice day.”

He stalked away and let the God all alone.

Loki could not look at him a second longer without breaking down and crumbling into pieces.

 

~~~~~~

 

Thor returned with a frown on his face, and Steve hadn't seen one of those since he had told them of Loki's escape. That had been weeks ago.

“Everything all right?”, the soldier wanted to know.

“I do not know, to be honest.”

The God sat down besides the human, creases on his forehead.

“If one person brought about war to his own home and nation, hot-headed and without thinking about the consequences and set on destroying another country, and another brought war to another country, trying to subjugate and rule the opponent, what would weigh heavier?”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“That's awful heavy thinking for you, Thor.”

The bigger one groaned.

“I know. I'm not sure I should enquire a solution for that one, as I feel I might have been very lucky, but I think Loki might have been wronged as he wronged us.”

Steve sighed.

“Thor, Loki killed so many people in cold blood. Innocent people. He destroyed half New York. He ripped a giant hole in our sky. Being in jail for the rest of his life is pretty fair I think.”

The God rubbed his beard.

“You have been at war, too, have you not?”

When Steve nodded, he continued.

“The soldiers you had to kill were your enemies. You took their life, regardless if they had been innocent or not, even if you feel pained by that now. Loki did the same. He took out the ones standing in his way. He opened the portal for the Chitauri, and they flooded the streets and damaged the city. The Man of Iron told me that it was a miracle there had not been more victims to his attack. When we met the first time on the flying ship, Miss Natasha said he had killed about eighty people. The number the Man of Iron told me of was not that much higher.”

“The total body count spiked at one hundred and twenty-four, Mr. Odinson.”, Jarvis helpfully added.

When Steve scratched his head, Tony came in.

“Oh hell, you're in quite the brooding mood, aren't you?”

“We're discussing punishments for war-mongers.”, Steve supplied.

Tony flopped down in a chair and waved his hand in the universal gesture for 'go on'.

Thor repeated his question, and they were silent for some time.

“Well, personally, I think your brother has gotten what he deserved. On the other hand, dear Jane Foster _has_ told me what happened the year before – and what you told her to fill the gaps - and frankly, that's just plain favouritism on Odin's side. Yes, Loki has fucked up. Badly. But so have you. And it didn't seem to be the first time around, either, you going on some rampage and beating down enemies. You got away with a slap to the wrist, and Loki has almost lost his head for it.”

Steve seemed very confused as he had no clue what Tony talked about, but Thor understood.

“Loki was never prone to destruction. He had fun creating chaos and mischief, but what he displayed here was more malicious than any other deed he had done before. Something changed him, after he fell, and he came back twisted. I need to know if he can be saved yet.”

Tony nodded.

“Thought so. He had way too much fun playing with us than killing other people. With the power in his hands, he could have eradicated us all, but he didn't, and that's what I'm grateful for. 9/11 had us mourn five thousand. Loki cost us a lot of streets and buildings, but an eerily small number of casualties. He wasn't set on killing. He was trying to make a statement.”

 

~~~~~~

 

The Void claimed him again.

It was dark, darker than any black could ever hope to be, as if all the light had been swallowed up and vanished without a trace.

Loki shivered and desperately tried to find a way out. But there was no entrance, nor exit, no up or down, no sides and no barriers.

There was nothing.

He closed his eyes, as he could not see either way, and behind his lids there was burnt in the image of Thor, hanging from the destroyed Bifröst, reaching out to him, screaming his name.

The image twisted. First, Thor laughed as he fell, then his hand more pushed than reached, even if it did not touch Loki at all, after that Thor shook Gungnir as hard as he could, to detach the younger, unwanted brother from it's shaft. The longer he fell through darkness, the clearer the picture became: Thor standing atop the bridge, hand still stretched out in the pushing motion that send Loki down in the endless abyss, falling, falling fallingfalling...

Loki screamed, but no sound escaped his throat. He opened his eyes, but there was nothing to see.

He wished for someone – anyone to come and rescue him, to pull him out of this maddening blackness, wanting nothing more than be saved.

Another image burned behind his lids. Odin, standing before him in the weaponry, _You're my son._ , telling Loki that he was a monster, raised to be a king in an unwanted palace, to return to the parents that had wanted him dead, to _rule_ the realm he was born to rule even before Odin had taken him and planning to place him back in the frozen realm once again.

The ground was ripped from beneath his feet, he fell into a pit as dark as the Void, the abyss, as words spilled from his mouth and tears fell.

_A stolen relic._

And this image, too, twisted, until Odin screamed at him to hide the monster again, to never let them see what he had fostered all these years, why Thor always had been the better child, the loved one, while he was cast out even before the words were spoken, before anything had happened to warrant these words, before Loki knew why he was _different_.

When Loki had opened his eyes this time, there had been a single star. He clung to it, followed it, craved it, while his mind whirled through memories and lies, twisted them, shaped them into hatred and anger, into betrayal – _I was a king, the rightful king of Asgard! Betrayed! -_ and the Void spit him into the waiting arms of the Mad Titan and his alien king with an army.

In Loki's mind there had been but one thought.

Odin and his people sought to hide the monster?

So let them see it. He would let it loose.

Show them the chaos he was named for.

 

 

He awoke panting, cold sweat drenching the sheets and himself, heart beating hard and fast in his chest, his breath laboured and hard.

Just a dream. A nightmare, but not real any more. He had escaped that hell.

Trembling, Loki pushed himself up and standing, before getting into the bathroom and watching his own sickly looking face in the mirror. Frowning, he combed his fingers through his short hair. He needed to dye it again, his black roots were too obvious. The same went for his eyebrows and the short beard he had grown. He sighed.

Sometimes he wished to be brave enough to turn back to Asgard and letting them finish him off for good. But then he remembered the first time he attempted to meet death, and he quickly discarded this idea. Death had spit him out like a rotten fruit, tossing him into the darkness where he had lost his mind.

He would not attempt to do that again. Another time experiencing something like the abyss, and he might call forth Ragnarök by accident.

“And no more Thor or Avengers.”, he said to himself, resolutely. He had not dreamed like this for some weeks now, and he did not like the route in which this proceeded.

A shower and some tea later, he was on his way to the museum when his phone beeped.

Beeped.

Like in getting a text message.

Loki frowned as he looked at his mobile. He had but two contacts (the Director and Stan), and they never texted him.

_*Hey there, Mr. Runasson. It's Tony Stark. Thor's a big fan and I had to hack him your number. He doesn't know how to text, so I was asked to give you a heads-up. He'll come up to the museum again to talk to you, apparently he likes that exhibit, it's down memory lane for him. Have a nice day!*_

The sorcerer stared at the letters, and stared some more.

 

Luka Runasson was killed in a car accident some hours later. The flat was sold, and all his belongings were gone.

Loki wished desperately he had stayed in Iceland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hrm. Does it make any sense? I tried to get this a bit psychological, but seeing as I am crazy, but more of the normal kind, I hope it just fits. Kudos, Comments and Critics are very welcome!  
> And I believe this is a scenario that very well could have happened like this after "Thor" and before "Avengers". Let's face it, Bruce was right, and Loki was batshit crazy. But even that bordered on bipolar, as he clearly is disoriented when fighting with Thor on Stark's balcony. Gods, so looking forward to The Dark World.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki takes on a new charade and a new face.  
> Will it work?

 

 

It had been hell to find another place to live. He had liked the apartment near the park, and he had liked the job. Damn his idiotic foster-brother and his happy little band of merry misfits. He wanted to strangle them. Slowly and most painful. Scowling, he circled another promising job-offer and an advert for a nice flat in the Upper West Side.

Loki sighed. Damn them all thrice.

At the moment, he lived in some shady inn, low cost and filthy, but he wanted to save as much money as he could, for he did not know what he would come up with next.

He still had most of his gems and metals, having used a small portion of the high quality and heavy jewels to pay for the first apartment, but he knew it would come to an end someday.

Sipping at his hot chocolate, he let his eyes wander and sighed again as he noticed he sat in the café near Avengers Tower. Again.

Hell, but he did not want to leave New York. The place had grown on him. He liked the loud city, the peaceful Park, the buildings, all the strange people, the anonymity, everything. There were no boundaries, no limits, here Loki was free of all stigmata and failures he had done.

Well then. Time to scheme a bit more thoroughly this time around.

 

~~~~~~

 

“I still don't know why you had to force me here, Pep.”

The woman sighed.

“You promised. Come on, it's just a gallery. And look how happy Thor is. Amuse yourself. Look at the pictures, find some girl to take home, I don't care. Take a man. Whatever.”

Tony grinned and pecked her on the cheek.

“It's lovely to get you down on my level, Miss Potts.”, he said, before leaving and taking two glasses of champagne with him. Letting his gaze wander, it settled on some nice curves hugged by a sapphire blue dress with open back and a very nice view. Black hair with a hunch of Ombré was hanging in a low, loose and messy knot at her neck, and Tony knew that he wanted her tonight.

He hadn't dated a girl in forever. To be more precise, since the Loki-fiasco five months earlier.

“What a stunning sight in front of all these boring blotches of paint.”, he said as he slipped up besides her, noticing the woman straightening and freezing in place before relaxing once again.

“My apologies, I did not want to startle you.”

“Well, if it isn't Tony Stark.”, she answered and turned to look at him. Tony almost lost his jaw.

A soft cut face with cheekbones to die for greeted him. Eyes as green as emeralds, which went perfectly with the blue dress, despite all his knowledge on colour-schemes, the black hair with the sun-kissed effect. She was breath-taking.

She looked at him mildly amused, a soft smirk settling on rosy lips.

“I assume you wanted to bring me a drink? How considerate, thank you very much, Mr. Stark.”, the brunette said and plucked one of the glasses out of his fingers. Tony got back his composure at that and did not let it go while flashing her a brilliant smile.

“Ah, I first need a name. You could be under-age.”

A laugh pearled from her lips, soft and clear and Tony wanted to hear it again.

“How charming. Be reassured that I am old enough to stay up well past midnight.”

The engineer shook his head.

“Sorry, not gonna cut it. A name, or this champagne will have to join someone else.”

She grinned and looked around.

“Oh well, since I seem to be the only one in the vicinity. My name's Solveig.”

He let go of the glass and clinked his own with hers.

“I am pleased to meet you, Solveig. And what a nice name that is.”

She smiled ans took a small sip.

“Anthony is quite nice, too.”

The genius almost shuddered as he heard his full name roll from her lips.

“What is a woman like you doing here all on her own? Surely there are offers enough?”, he asked and was mesmerized with how the emerald eyes seemed to be more of a sea-green now. Huh. Interesting.

“There may or may not be. Does it matter?”

Tony shrugged.

“I like to know if I am approaching someone taken or not. There could always be a very jealous lover hiding somewhere, and without the suit I am practically defenceless.”

She chuckled and looked at the picture again.

“Do not trouble yourself, Mr. Stark. I am on my own, for all that entails.”

“Tony. Please.”

A glance out of the corner of her eyes.

“Tony then. So, what do you think about 'The Starry Night?'”

 

~~~~~~

 

Of course Stark would be here. Loki inwardly groaned.

He had used his shape-shifting abilities to gain the female body he had worn on several occasions – the most interesting one being the myth where he and Thor had to appear as bride and maid in front of Thrym for stealing Mjölnir – and had stayed like that for the time being. Thor wouldn't recognize her, having seen her female side just that once and having other things to care about as to ogle her.

Compared to a glamour, shifting was a momentary use of energy. Once shifted, the form could be retained without supervision. It was his body in another shape. Nothing more, nothing less.

So, with him/her being now hired as some sort of art consultant with astounding language skills (so he was forced to talk to anyone in the world, connect to new artists, get events done, sweet-talk a lot of people, and damn, she was good at that too), he had to attend the new exhibit. Once again.

And once again all of the Avengers had gathered here and sent chills down her spine.

By the Norns, she would not get them off her tail.

Loki would have to roll with it for the time being, absolutely refusing to change her plans again, just because these idiots could not leave her alone.

So, going with the flow, she would entertain Stark for this evening, seeing as he was set on her ( and it was extremely satisfying to watch him stutter and fumble for words), and then go her own ways to never see them again. Hopefully. No woman had ever seen a second date with the Playboy. She hoped herself to be one of these.

“What do you think?”, she heard him ask and cursed at herself for letting the thoughts wander away like that.

“Forgive me, I zoned out a bit. Care to repeat?”

Stark laughed and put one arm around her waist, the hand softly gripping her hip.

“I wanted to know if you'd be interested in leaving and getting a bit more fun. I know a wonderful club with these perfect cocktails.”

Oho, trying to get her drunk? Well, that Loki could do.

“I am no big fan of sugared and juiced alcohol. But I may be open for some scotch, or beer.”

Brown eyes glanced at her with surprise and then practically beamed.

“Well, it seems I have finally found a woman who knows what's good.”

He took her glass and placed it carefully onto some sculpture, at which Loki softly snorted, before shifting his hand to the small of her back and guiding her to the exit, without once looking back.

Loki let himself be dragged out, watching the Man of Iron as he fumbled with his phone (some interesting design, translucent and very thin – she quite liked it) and calling his car as well as the driver.

“So, we could try out one of the clubs here in the city, or we skip the bad drinks and go directly for my own stash. It's pretty impressive.”

She chuckled and shrugged.

“Whatever pleases you, Tony. I'm good either way.”

Yes, well, perhaps she had a bit too much fun. Stark _was_ pretty charming, and witty, and intelligent, and it had been way too long since Loki had had a lover displaying such traits.

Not to forget that the man besides her was very pleasing on the eyes.

“Then home it is. No time to waste, the evening isn't getting any younger!”

When they arrived at the tower, she realized what she was about to do. Entering the zone of war, the place where all her plans had failed her. If her imprint still lingered somewhere on the floor?

Loki shuddered at the thought. Phantom pains crawled up her spine. It had hurt quite bad.

“This way, please.”

Stepping out of the elevator, Stark subtly let his hands glide over her arm, let them linger just a tad too long on her hand to be coincidence, and Loki counted herself quite lucky to encounter one of the more skilled seducers.

While the mortal went straight to the bar – yes, the exact same one, but without her male shape pressed to the wall – she looked around, taking in the new floor, the replaced window.

Loki smiled.

“It's a very nice view of the city. The skyline is amazing from here.”

“Yes, well, nothing but the best.”

He brought over two tumblers filled with an amber fluid on ice.

“Cheers.”

 

 

Loki awoke, feeling much more rested than she had in a long time. There was a warm body pressed to her back, an arm around her middle, and a feeling of security that she had not felt for decades.

She groaned softly.

And all that because of _Tony Stark_. Damn it all to hell.

The thumb on her belly started to stroke softly over her skin. She shuddered.

“It's way too early to be awake.”, the man behind her mumbled sleepily and pulled her a bit closer.

“Except you're up to another round of that damn fine sex we had earlier, then I'm all for awake, and then more sleep after.”

Loki chuckled as her neck was kissed and the hand wandered higher, up the curve of her breasts.

“You deviant.”

Yes, she enjoyed this. Really. Hopefully, it would not come back and bite her in the ass.

Oh well, perhaps if Tony would do the biting she would not mind at all.

 

 

Later in the day, Loki sat down at home with a book and a steaming hot cup of tea, back in his male body, just to stare at one page for half an hour and trying to forget what had happened the night before.

When the billionaire had finally let 'Solveig' go, it had been well past midday, and in addition he now had his private number in his mobile. Not that Loki ever would do something like calling or texting him. It would just complicate things. He had been the lover for one night only, and the sorcerer hoped that would be enough for Stark.

No more meetings with any of the Avengers. Thankfully Thor had not come to talk to him at the gallery. Loki wasn't sure he would have been able to remain calm.

Concentrating back on the book – Patrick Rothfuss, a very skillful writer indeed – Loki did not notice how his fingers played with the marks on his clavicle which the genius had left.

 

 

The next time he met one of the Avengers he was male, with short auburn hair and blue eyes. This time a glamour, because he was not planning on staying in that masquerade long. He was sitting at the Café with view onto the tower, as the Captain and the Widow sat down on the table besides him.

Loki pointedly ignored them, reading his paper and sipping his chocolate, while listening in on their talk.

“... Thor's coming back later, but not for long. There seem to be a few problems up in Asgard, and he has to leave for a longer period this time.”, the soldier said and the spy groaned.

“Tony's going to flip. He's always bitchy when Thor leaves.”

Rogers chuckled.

“Well, he will have to live with it.”

The waitress who had chatted with Loki once came over and was so painfully in love with the blond Avenger that it was hard not to snort. The red-head snickered softly at them and teased a bit, before ordering.

“Oh come on, Steve, ask her out already! She's in head over heels for you.”

The man went red up to his hairline and glared at his friend and comrade.

When their orders came in, the spy smiled up at the waitress.

“Steve here is a bit shy. Would you give him your number? I promise he'll call.”

The answer was as ashamed as the soldier looked. Both were red as beets, and Loki held up his paper a bit higher to hide his smirk. Amateurs.

Just as the russian had her write her number on a napkin, there was a flash of red and gold over their heads and then it returned and Iron Man landed besides them, face-plate open.

“Hi folks! Beth, nice to see you! Could you bring me a coffee? Thanks, dear!”, Stark babbled and flopped down on a chair at Loki's table.  
“Is it okay if I sit here? Their table is full and I need a bit of space, because the suit is not that good around tables, and I need to calibrate it a bit better. Jarvis, remind me later.”

Loki snorted and nodded.

“Thanks a lot! Hey, your face looks familiar. I bet I have seen you before.”, the engineer said and stared into his face.

The God arched an eyebrow at him.

“Should I be offended or honoured by that statement?”

Stark grinned brightly.

“Nice one. Say, would you be free this evening? There is some boring movie premiere I was invited to and Pepper's already asked out tonight. I'm in the mood for shocking the press by taking a man with me down the red carpet. It will be fun!”

“Stark, you can't just ask a stranger to go out with you!”, the Captain exclaimed, while the woman smirked widely.

Loki himself was rather taken with the mischievous glint in the brown eyes, as it had been way too long that he had the chance to create some good-natured chaos along the way.

And if the evening turned out to be as fun as the last one had – all the better.

“Why not? It's not as if I could deny Tony Stark. And who would reject the offer to attend a premiere?”, he smiled and folded his paper.

Stark grinned back and told him when to be ready and asked where to pick him up.

“Here will be fine. I'm on holiday right now.”

The perfect excuse when he would be gone from view the next day or so.

“See you later. Good bye.”, Loki said, before slipping a bill on the table and leaving.

 

~~~~~~

 

“That was totally a pinky swear, Tasha.”

“It was not. He was way too sane.”

“I tell you. Pinky swear.”

 

~~~~~~

 

 

The premiere was so. Much. Fun.

Loki had a great time flirting shamelessly with Stark, freaking out everyone in the room, and the other man did the same, smiling and dallying with Loki. They were practically glued to the hips, never too far away from each other, but never giving an opportunity for a discriminating picture. They were not kissing, not groping, not touching at all, and it unnerved the paparazzi to no end. The perfect scandal, and they could not pin it down.

The God felt alive in more ways than one. Creating mischief had always been a favourite pastime for him, and Stark gave him the feeling of being wanted again, desirable.

It was no wonder they fell into bed together that night as well.

They went well with each other. On so many levels, actually, that Loki never once thought about getting caught. He let go for the evening and just went with everything Stark threw in his way.

This time around it was the human who awoke first, dawn barely breaking, and kissing the soft flesh where neck joined shoulders.

Loki took a sharp breath after waking up and wasted absolutely no time in pinning the other body beneath him, kissing plump lips, being rewarded with a moan and hands gripping his hips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally arriving where I want to be. Now the real fun will begin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Loki gets attached. Unplanned, unconvenient.  
> But also a bit nice.

 

 

Perhaps it would do him good sleeping at Stark's more often, he thought some days later. The nights were truly easy on him, the nightmares abated, and there was actually rest to be gained.

Two times in a row Loki had slept more than a few hours, without dreaming about families or Voids.

He wondered why.

Sipping on his tea, he decided to take a walk. The weather was too nice to sit in the flat all the time.

He shifted into Solveig and left.

Snow crunched beneath her feet as she strolled down the former green Central Park, now thickly coated in a white blanked. But the sky was blue and the sun shone brightly, and the cold was not as biting as it could have been.

Totally on accident she came across the place where the Avengers had seen Thor and herself off almost eight months ago. She leaned against the railing, taking in the surroundings, smiling softly.

She would never have dreamed coming back here again. Seven months, and she still was as free as she could get. No Odin, almost no Thor, no chains, no cells, no glass walls.

Loki swallowed hard.

No family. No friends.

But there always was a prize to pay, wasn't there?

Loki recalled the biting frost of the realm she was born in, the sharp ice and the dark clouds. The monsters which had mocked them, who were so eager to kill them and every other Aesir.

To think she would have ruled in that place if not for Thor's idiotic rampage after Loki had sneaked in the two Giants who should steal the Casket.

To think she would have been one of these monsters if not for her _defect_.

That she had parted gladly with. The mere thought of being king made her itchy. She never wanted to be king. She would have let Thor rule with great joy, just a bit _later_ would have been good. He had not been ready, not by far, still the child and not man enough to hold this responsibility.

Loki had always known Thor would be king some day, not her. As the second born, there had been but small hope to ascend to the throne. And Loki was fine with that, because being king meant to have to behave. To be honest, and _good_. She never had been either of these.

Being equal to Thor would have been nice. To be appreciated for what she could do. But Odin's approval always seemed to be too far away to reach, and when it became clear what the reason was, Loki had done what she had thought necessary to stay in Odin's good graces.

Avert a war with the Frost Giants – killing them off alongside – as well as rescuing her father from being killed by the king of the enemies.

Killing her father by birth for her foster father.

Regicide turned into Patricide, all for Odin. Loki would have done everything to prove herself to the Allfather.

A tear dropped down her cheek as she remembered the words which broke her heart.

_No, Loki._

Total rejection in six letters.

That had to be a new record.

In that moment, Loki knew beyond doubt that she would never be able to get his approval, whatever she would do.

She was no Odinson, she never had been, and that just killed her, so she had let go, intending to never wake up again, to never feel so worthless again. Death had seemed so kind, and then even this entity had cast her out.

Loki snorted, another tear falling.

“Curse you all. You should have left me to die that day in the ice.”, she murmured under her breath.

The snow crunched directly besides her.

Loki turned so quick she almost lost her balance, a spell ready on her hand, as she recognized Stark, a meter to her right, and exhaled slowly.

“I never figured you to be the sneaky sort, Stark.”, she said, a smirk tugging in her lips.

Tony did not respond with one. He just watched her with a sincere face. The god lost her smile, too.

The man just stood there, so solemn, that a lump formed in her throat the longer the silence went on.

And then new tears burned in her eyes, tears for all she had lost through foolish attempts to win over the heart of her father, for all the innocent lives she had on her heart, even if they would have killed her all the same were their roles reversed, regret over having fallen into the trap of the Tesseract, this bitchy and terrible force, of throwing Stark out of his own window because there had been now way to make him her puppet.

She drew in a shaky breath, huffing it out again, a sob forcing it's way out without her being able to stop it.

She did not want to cry, especially not in front of her enemy, but it was long overdue. The dam broke and her eyes spilled forth all the bitterness, all the disappointment, the frustration over her life, of that wretched thing placed upon her soul, wishing she had been born a human, wishing for something else than this wicked fate.

Stark embraced her softly, kissing her head, and Loki clung to him like a drowning cat would to a log, buried her face in his soft coat and wept.

The engineer did not say a single word, did not hush her, just held her and kissed her, until she had a headache from all the crying and no more tears would fall. A hiccup had settled in her chest, and when Stark cupped her face and kissed her forehead before looking into her red-rendered eyes with so much concern, she smiled brokenly and huffed out a laugh.

“I think I never – hic – have been more embarrassed ever before in my life.”

Finally a smile adorned the man's face, and he took her hands in his.

“Don't be. Being able to express one's feelings is nothing to be ashamed of.”, he said.

“Besides, now you have ruined my coat, and you'll have to make it up to me, and that is just perfect, because I have to attend this gala tonight, and I think you would make the perfect arm-candy. Where shall I pick you up at seven?”

Loki laughed, reedy, and rubbed her eyes to get away the tears.

“A second date with the famous Tony Stark? Don't make me feel all special.”

Her voice was coarse, raspy even, but she did not care. It fitted the moment perfectly.

Hell, she just had a complete breakdown in front of the one person who had almost as much reason to hate her as Clint Barton. And he had comforted her as no one ever had done.

Stark shrugged.

“No need, you're special in your own way, I believe. Come on, don't make me hack your phone or the like, or place a tracker on you.”

“Well, aren't we persistent.”, Loki smiled.

Her heart actually felt a little lighter now. This human, this mortal had the ability to chase away her demons, if only for a while. She would grow addicted to him in no time, given the course they wandered on.

Tony nudged her, already tapping away on his translucent phone. She laughed.

“Okay, okay. West 73nd street. I'll be out at seven. Don't be late.”

The smile that bloomed on his face was worth every fear she harboured of being caught somewhere between now and then.

 

 

It appeared that the Avengers were present as well. They were glued to each other, it seemed. Public appearances were only made as a group.

Loki was properly introduced to all of them, as was Jane Foster, the lady love of Thor. The petite brunette latched onto Stark the second there was a scientific word coming from his mouth, and Banner joined in the moment after. Loki listened interested, smiling to herself when they talked about the Bifröst, Einstein-Rosen-Bridges, theories revolving about space travel and wormholes.

Poor guys. With Thor as the only source of wisdom there would be no progress at all for them. But she could not spill just all the secrets of Asgard. She still was their enemy, still was searched, still was to be punished for the wrong she had done.

“Thor, are there any news of Asgard? What's with the war?”, the archer asked and let his eyes wander around.

The god frowned, before resting a hand on the top of Mjölnir. Loki knew he did that when he needed comfort.

“The Frost Giants were defeated before they could make their way to us. The Bifröst damaged their realm greatly, and Father thinks they will likely never attack again. But the other realms are in distress, the dark elves are gathering under a mighty foe. If they attack, I will have to fight for my king, my family, and my realm.”

Loki had not known that there was a threat such as this unleashed. There was but one elf that could bring war on Asgard and be feared even by Odin himself. Loki knew him well. Perhaps he might need to check on them. Just to satisfy his curiosity.

Thor's face then took on a softer edge.

“I have spoken to mother regarding Loki.”

All of them turned to listen, even Jane, but Loki almost turned to flee. She had had her collapse for the day, another one would not do.

“We're petitioning for softening the sentence. It was too harsh, in light of what we put upon him and what punishment I got for my mistakes. Father will have to heed our words.”

He chuckled.

“Mothers wrath is not easy to live with, and he knows that.”

“Excuse me for a second.”, Loki whispered, before taking off to the doors. He needed air. Urgently.

Her breath was shallow, on the verge of hyperventilating. She was sure to have misheard Thor. There was no chance in hell that they would speak up against the Allfather, for him nonetheless. Her stomach lurched. A mix of feelings invaded her and twisted in her insides. Loki's magic flickered. That was bad, but it happened when she was distressed like this.

A warm hand settled on her back and rubbed softly over tense shoulder blades. She felt the jacket radiating warmth before it settled on her back and exhaled softly, watching as the cold air turned it into mist before her eyes.

“You okay?”

Loki nodded.

“Just my nerves. They act up sometimes when I'm in the middle of a crowd. And I felt a bit towered down with all these heroes there.”, she chuckled weakly. Thank the Norns for the ability to lie.

“I'm not all well today, as you surely have noticed earlier.”

Tony nodded and rubbed a bit more.

“I have to ask you to keep quiet about what you heard. It's not very public, and we try to keep it low profile.”

Loki nodded.

“Of course. I'm not sure I've understood completely, as it stands. I don't want to know. It's okay.”

He laughed.

“Well then. Should I grab some drinks for us and we'll freeze to death on the balcony or are you fine coming back in?”

Loki sighed dramatically.

“I will have to suffer the heat and stale air in these rooms just for you, Stark. Get me a scotch, please. Double, without ice. Wait, make it absinthe. I need the strongest thing they have.”

Tony backed away a step.

“Absinthe? Really? That's quite... adventurous. Are you sure you can handle it?”

Loki glanced at him.

“Believe me if I say I am more than able to be okay with a little absinthe. It's my favourite.”

The engineer sighed.

“Well then, a green fairy for the lady. Right away.”

He kissed her softly.

“You know, you are appealing to my protective instinct. I think I have to ask you for another date.”

The god smiled against his lips and stroked his sides.

“Perhaps I do that on purpose because you make me feel all safe and sound.”

And maybe she was damned, but she had not realized the truth in these words before they had been spoken.

Tony pressed her to his body.

“Well then, Solveig Frisdottir, I'll go right to Thor and let him teach me how to properly woo for a scandinavian woman. He should know. ”

The woman gazed up at the genius with wide eyes, mouth agape.

“You stalked me!”

“I'm Tony Stark, of course I did. I like to know everything of a potentially lover.”

And didn't that spark a warm flutter in Loki's chest. Lover. Well, she certainly could have done much worse. When he went inside, after giving her a wink and a bright smile, she pushed aside all feelings for Asgard and it's residents, and concentrated on that happy feeling Tony raised in her.

 

 

When Loki returned to the group some minutes later, they still were discussing the punishment and the right way to approach Loki should they ever come in contact with him again.

“... He's insane.”, Barton said, but Banner intervened.

“This Thanos-guy could have had him under his thumb as Loki had you. He told Thor the Tesseract was shown to him, too. It could have twisted him as it twisted you.”

Always the scientist – well, until the anger took over.

“My brother told me he did not want the throne of Asgard, and I believe him. It must have happened something that he wanted to take over your planet.”, Thor threw in and Romanoff nodded.

“Think about it. He's the God of Chaos and Mischief, that's the contrary to what nonsense he sported about freedom and glad tidings when he stepped through the portal down in the Pegasus-building.”

Barton groaned.  
“Don't make me actually feel bad for the guy. I still want his head.”

Tony chuckled, as well as the Widow, but Thor frowned and Banner sighed.

“Excuse me, but I don't understand at all. What's he done, exactly? Or is this some kind of confidential superhero business the normal human should better be not aware of?”, Loki asked, after she got fed up with it. She hated being analysed like that. Especially with her present.

Her foster-brother opened his big mouth, probably to explain, but the Red-head took his arm and shook her head.

“Not here. It's not that important.”

And with that, the topic changed into something much less heavy, something along the lines of movies and theatres and more scientific discussion, and Loki almost felt like she belonged.

She pushed this feeling away, too, like the other ones before, just to crush the spark of hope that smouldered to life again.

 

 

This time, they were awoken by the voice Loki had not identified until then. It told something about the weather, stock numbers and other matters, and her face scrunched up in confusion and sleepiness that had her bedmate chuckle and place a kiss on her nose.

“Good morning. That's just Jarvis, my AI. Say hello, Jarv.”

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Frisdottir.”

“Um, likewise...?”, she mumbled, still drowsy.

“Slept well?”, the man asked before his fingers ghosted over her ribs. She flinched away and giggled.

“Tickles. Go away. Need sleep.”, Loki said and buried her head into the pillow. The hand came to rest just under her breasts and warm breath caressed the skin on her neck, and a shudder rolled down her spine.

“No way. There is time for one more round before I have to get up, and I intend on taking the opportunity.”

He nibbled at her neck, pressing into her back and letting his hands roam over her body. Loki moaned.

“Hell, you have the stamina of an adolescent stuck in puberty.”, she said before rolling over and huffing at him. He grinned.

“Well thank you for the compliment. Now, are you up for another go as well or do you need me to coax it out of you?”

Loki laughed and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fem-Loki will stay with us for quite a bit now. When someone is in need of a timeline, say the word and I'll throw up something. I surely counted weeks and months more often than not.  
> Thank you for the nice comments :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Dates. Realisation. And Christmas with some thoughtful presents.

 

 

He had invited her for another date (or something along these lines) later that week, as well as for the Christmas Party they would throw for the Avengers. Just them, no press, lots of alcohol. It sounded fabulous. Loki just didn't know what Christmas entailed exactly nowadays. Oh well, that's why he had an Internet-connection.

So, after getting up-to-date with modern traditions, now-male-again-Loki decided he needed to go shopping. Throwing on a glamour – red curls and brown eyes – he headed down to the nearest mall and explored.

An hour later, he came back with empty hands. Nothing got to him. If he wanted to impress, perhaps there should be some meaning behind the things he wanted to give.

Dropping the glamour, he vanished.

 

~~~~~~

 

“I tell you again, Tasha. Pinky Swear.”

She sighed irritated.

“Stop it already. He's not your woman. Clint is right, Loki was insane. Bat-shit crazy. Bag of Cats. He cannot shrug that off so easily and be this happy little thing you have a crush on.”

Happy little thing all right.

“Just think about it a second. What if he _is_?”

“Then you better hope you'll not get attached, because he will break your heart and we have to get him back into his cell.”

 

~~~~~~

 

Their third date was a quiet affair in some high-class restaurant with an ensuing tour around the Avengers Tower. The heroes had a movie night in the common room after that and invited them to join, and between popcorn and bad jokes Solveig was welcomed in their little group as attachment to their resident genius-billionaire-philanthropist-more-or-less-ex-playboy now that she was there.

“You're the first one to survive more than one night. Congratulations. You may be able to tame him.”, Bruce whispered in her ear loud enough to be heard, and that earned a snicker from everyone as well as a “I heard that, Banner! I'll change all your codes!” from Tony.

Loki smiled all innocently and whispered back in the same manner.

“Oh, I think I already have him eating out of my hand.”, she said, and got a glare from her lover. She winked at him and handed him a handful of popcorn, which he consumed directly out of her fingers without thinking twice. Natasha cackled, Loki grinned triumphantly.

“See? Already domesticated.”

The Avengers snorted and Tony growled, before pouting, and the God of Mischief cuddled into his side and gave him such a sickly sweet puppy-eyed look that Tony just rolled his eyes and tickled her a bit.

“You're awful.”

They cackled a bit more, until Thor looked up at them and said, perfectly serious,

“You remind me of my brother.”

Loki, who just had chewed on some popcorn, promptly choked on it and coughed until tears stung in his eyes. Tony gave her some soft slaps to the back, and Bruce got her some water.

“Come again?”, she asked with wide eyes. The Thunderer smiled a bit.

“The way you act is similar to the way my brother did. He liked to jest like that, too. The bantering, I mean.”

The younger god cleared his throat as they all stared at him. It could not be. Thor never had been that observant. Never.

“Should I feel complimented because you compared me to a god or should I be angry because it's the god of Lies and Chaos?”, she asked, and the tension that had built quickly dissipated.

“Tasha, Pinky!”

“Oh for fuck's sake, no!”, she groaned, before turning to the newest addition to the group.

“You're not by chance the God in question?”, the spy asked while rolling his eyes. Loki faked a perfectly confused mask and looked around.

“Um... no? From what I gathered, you're not quite fond of him. Wouldn't it be... counter-productive to just sit here with you? Just saying.”

The red-head shot Tony a look, and he pouted again. Loki turned to face him, eyebrows arched.

“'Pinky'?”

He shrugged.

“Just a little promise. Nothing important.”

She huffed.

“If you say so.”

 

 

They had quickly gone back to the more cheerful atmosphere, before calling it a night and going their own ways.

While Tony was asleep in mere seconds after they really attempted to sleep, Loki lay awake for some time, listening to his heart, hearing his breath.

And then she understood what gave her this much comfort during the nights with him.

With Tony, there was never complete darkness. The device in his chest held back the Void and shielded her from it. Not only that, but it had repelled the Tesseract, thus giving her some sort of safety, security to be free from it when with the engineer.

Smiling, she kissed his hand, lying on her shoulder, before going to sleep herself.

He would protect her. As long as she was Solveig, at least. But there was no immediate need to let go of that character, so she was fairly sure this could prevail for some time to come. At least she would work for it.

 

 

Christmas rolled around, and so did the Party. It was a nice one. Loki was glad to see the Agent he thought he had killed was still alive. Either this one was just rather sturdy, or his aim had suffered quite a bit under his insanity. He had been rather bold and brave, and Loki liked the way he could hold his poker face.

“Solveig! Nice to finally meet you!”, Tony's ex-girlfriend greeted her and shook her hand with a warm smile.

“Please tell me that he did not do any idiotic things recently, like inviting some third party or offering an open relationship.”

Loki laughed and negated.

“He has been the perfect Gentleman. But I get the feeling that's quite new for him.”

“Oh, you have _no idea_.”, she groaned, and the god liked her immediately.

Tony had insisted on the most annoying songs to be played, had bought a monster of a tree and decorated it with ugly baubles and candy-canes, but apparently, it was well-received, if just for it's horrible display.

“It could have been so much worse.”, Jane laughed and Pepper told her about the last birthday parties he had thrown. It was hilarious.

Then Thor came in, having been away to Asgard to enquire about the state of affairs, and looked both sad and beaming at the same time.

“My friends, I bear good and bad news all the same, but first let me wish you the best wishes to the birth of your saviour!”, he boomed, and earned chuckles as well as giggles.

“It's 'Happy Christmas', Thor.”, Bruce corrected, and Thor repeated it with the same jolliness.

“So, bad news first. Spill.”, Clint said.

“The dark elves will arrive in Asgard in some more than two weeks time. I have to return immediately after our feast.”

That dampened the mood rather quickly, but Thor would no have anything of it. He smiled brightly and sat Mjölnir down.

“There are always good news to be told with bad ones, and these outweigh the pending war. My Mother has found my brother.”

Silence. Loki's heart dropped into her stomach.

“She would not speak to me where he resides, but he is safe and repents. His actions towards Midgard truly were distorted by insanity, and I will inquire about his fall into the abyss when I meet him again.”

“Abyss?”, Natasha asked, “you haven't told us of this one, yet.”

Thor sighed.

“After I destroyed the Bifröst, it's energy created something akin to a wormhole. He fell into it after we fought.”

Tony, Bruce and Jane spluttered at the same time.

“Loki fell into a _Black Hole_? Seriously?! And he came out alive?”

“Now that's a story I'd like to hear.”, Steve said. “Perhaps he slept for some years, too.”

The sorceress stiffened a bit. No. I did not. I wish I had.

“Well, okay then, so, does she know how dangerous it is to have him on the loose somewhere?”, Clint asked, and the blonde Norse deity smiled.

“He does not want harm any more. His mind has healed a great deal, or so Mother told me, and with his sentence lessened, I am in confident hope he will return to us.”

They nodded in understanding, while Loki himself questioned his hearing. _Lessened sentence_? Dare she hope?

“Now let us feast and be happy! I believed this to be a gathering of jolly tidings!”, Thor said, and with that, the party started anew.

Loki was a bit restrained, but given time and a great deal of alcoholic beverages, she was as cheery as the rest.

When she fell into bed with Tony at his side, she truly felt something akin to happiness, and she would work hard to hold this place she had carved out between the humans for herself. She did not need a crown, nor a kingdom. She did not even need a title or a high position.

She was content enough with being nobody, if she just had some place or someone she could go to when the need arose. That she had found.

“Now, do you want to have your gift now or tomorrow? How do you handle Christmas overseas?”, Tony asked her in the bedroom, wriggling his brows and stripping slowly. She smiled lascivious and stretched out on the sheets.

“However you like it, _Anthony_.”, she purred, and Tony pounced her the second after.

 

 

Loki was truly fortunate to catch a lover as skilled as Tony was. Humans normally were not able to truly satisfy him or her, as she had explored quite a bit in her life, and really, she had had all the realms to choose from. She had taken many a lover from lots of different places, some male, some female. Some as male, some as female. She had done most of the things one could do, and so she really could say Tony was good. Really, really good.

She purred content as the afterglow hit and was rewarded with a self-assured smirk.

“I seem to be quite satisfying.”

Loki grinned back.

“You're not that bad.”, she mocked softly, drawing runes on his stomach. It was a spell she learned as a teenager, but she did not ignite it with magic, so nothing happened.

“Not that bad? Please, you were a gibbering mess just minutes ago!”, he puffed and stroked her sweaty back.

“As were you, if I recall correctly.”

“Touché.”

The best kind of silence followed, both able to relax in it. Then the god propped her head up on her hands and threw an inquiring gaze on her lover.

“Would you tell me about the arc-reactor? I know I can read most about it in the papers or your own Wiki-page, but I'd like to hear you tell me.”

He frowned at her.

“You sure? That's not a story I usually tell after sex, to be honest, I rarely tell it.”

Loki nodded.

“It haunts you. You comforted me as I cried like a little girl, if you want, then I would like to give back what you did to me. Ease it a bit.”

Tony grunted and stood up.

“I need a drink for that.”

She let him go. As he returned, he told her everything. He did not cry, but he joked too much for it being as light-hearted as he wanted it to appear. Loki held him and gave him a bit of the safe-haven he needed.

When he finished, they remained silent for some moments.

“Thank you. I feel glad that you trust me with this, Tony.”, she then said and kissed him, as sincere as she could.

He sighed.

“Thank you for listening. And for not judging or trying to make it better.”

They fell asleep more content than before, and with the assurance that the other would catch them if they were to fall again.

 

 

Breakfast on Christmas morning turned out to be very demanding with Tony and Clint. Both just _loved_ presents, and they could be children with all that entailed.

Thor would just have made the picture perfect, but he had left early in the morning. Impending war and all that.

So, the rest went on to the living room, where the Christmas Tree waited, and let Tony and Clint pile up their presents.

It turned a bit awkward after that, because there were presents without sender.

Natasha was the first to open hers, after frowning at it for five minutes. It entailed some pictures, a piece of parchment and a small bottle of Delta Carbona No.4 (Blood&Dairy).

It was the first time Loki witnessed her truly at a loss for words. Or without her perfect mask. She just stared at the items in her hand, before covering her mouth with one, and letting her fingers trace the pictures.

“...Tash...?”, Clint asked softly.

Her had snapped up so fast they heard the bones crack.

“It's from Loki.”, she whispered, eyes misty and watery. She handed him the parchment and the photos. Clint raised an eyebrow and snorted.

“Guy has some serious issues with black humour.”

As the others wanted to know what she had got, too, she just read aloud what the paper said.

“For the red in your ledger.”, while waving the little bottle of stain remover.

“It's something we talked about in the Helicarrier. He mentioned... something from my past, and if I may trust these pictures, some of my mistakes have been wiped out clean.”, she said, voice thick.

After that, the others ripped open their own packages.

Loki watched detached, careful to not show any emotion besides the normal level of curiosity that Jane displayed as well.

For Clint, she had sought out a weapon smith, talking him into parting with a new design for a bow. She had added one of her metals, too. Enchanting it, even, so that the arrowheads forged out of it would return to the archer, almost as Mjölnir did to Thor. His note read “So you may have the best chance at hitting the next time.”

Steve had been very tricky. He was still so young, even after seeing death and so much horror. Loki had pondered over him for a very long time, until settling for a letter from Peggy and a short note. “I will not ask for forgiveness. I know I am beyond being forgiven.”

Bruce he had gotten a bit of a gag gift. A package of sweets, shaped like little cats, a book on Norse Mythology, and a note as well. “Here's your own Bag of Cats. Hiding the monster is not always the best. Yours is good at heart, unlike mine.”

Finally, Tony. Loki had sneaked back into Asgard, into the palace to get his hands on this.

“Why do you get so awesome things and all I get is some sort of rock?”, he asked, pouting. When inspecting the package better, he unwrapped a T-Shirt, which stated “My enemy went to Asgard and all I got is this T-Shirt”. Well, that earned quite a round of chuckles.

Jane took the stone and inspected it.

“It's not just a stone. Thor showed me one of those last year. It's a healing stone.”

“Yeah, my note says to ask him what to do with it.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“Is this some sort of sick joke or did Loki really try to make up for some of the things?”, Clint asked.

“He left Thor something, as well.”, Jane said.

“He had this little knife, which he wanted to give back to Loki. This morning, it was gone. There was a piece of paper like the ones you got. It read 'I am sorry for everything. You'll be a wise king someday.'”

“So, you think he's sincere?”, Steve asked.

“Why not? It would be a very great effort to get all these things together just to see you break down over it. Thor's sure he wants to make right what he did wrong.”, the scientist from New Mexico said, before unwrapping one of her own gifts.

“Oh look, he has gotten me some mugs.”, she stated drily. “I surely hope he someday ceases to smash them all.”

The group laughed at that and set the things aside. Perhaps she was right. If the presents would turn out to be some sort of trap, they would deal with then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo! Isn't Loki a nice fellow? And I couldn't hold back, I had to get Thor2 down somehow. Next chapter will be up on saturday, and with that, there will be a bit of change in the pace od the story.  
> Thanks for all the Kudos and comments! I love you guys :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War has come upon Asgard, and Loki, being the curious creature that he is, absolutely has to see what happens.  
> What will be, once he sees the devastation and the hopeless fight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally said saturday, didn't I? Sorry. I meant friday. Today. Gods.

 

 

The new year began, and with that, the first lie for Loki, too. Thor had not returned, and by now the dark elves surely had crossed the borders of Asgard and war had broken out. He had to see what happened for himself.

So Tony was told Solveig would be unavailable for the next week or so, because some private trip to Norway. Some “old acquaintance needed help finding a place and she had a flat from her parents to sell, so she would go on a little holiday”. No need to call, she'd give word when she returned.

Tony had shrugged and waved her goodbye.

“Fly safe and beware of all that snow over there. Heard it's a bitch.”

So now female-Loki sat in a plane (crowded and way too small, teleportation was so much more convenient... and it was sort of just in case Tony stalked her. Again.) on her way to Oslo, where she would use one of the old pathways to Asgard.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he encountered once he found the battlefield.

It was horrifying. Dark elves and Aesir warriors the like slaughtered each other. Hundreds already had lost their lives, and it seemed the foe had the upper hand.

Thor and his friends were somewhere, too, but they all seemed too weak to get the better of the enemies they battled.

So, watching the sidelines while under a disillusion-charm, Loki sought out a weakness, a point to attack, some major flaw in the lines of the enemy, because it would not do to let them win.

Malekith would not stop at Asgard. He would try to usurp the other realms as well, and that meant Midgard, too. Loki would not stand back and let them destroy the place he had inhabited.

The sorcerer had a vast knowledge on Dark Elves and their ruler, had once counted him as a powerful ally, before things... happened.

Now, the being was his foe, and Loki would see him destroyed. And well, perhaps he could also get another scheme into it.

He quickly thought of a strategy and rushed to the Lady Sif, letting his charm fall away and killing the elf that almost would have wounded her fatally, breaking his neck.

“You'd do well to guard your back.”, he sneered as she gasped his name out and called for Thor.

Summoning one of the various lances he had acquired over the centuries, he deftly put out another dozen of the creatures before the God of Thunder was near enough to talk to him.

“Loki!”, he, too, stated, a bit dumbfounded, and the black haired one rolled his eyes before stabbing a foe heading towards him.

“Yes, that is my name. It is _so_ nice of you all to remember it. Now get here so that I can save your hide one last time an then be gone forever.”, he spat and angrily took out three elves with his enchanted throwing knives.

Thor went to guard Loki's back – a somewhat new position, as Thor never before had stood back in a fight – and let Thunder loose on another group of enemies.

“Iron is their weakness! It burns them, even it's mere presence will lessen their strength. If you want to win this fight, you better start using plain knifes and the lest shiny armour. Steel will work as well, but pure Iron would be better.”, the sorcerer explained while pressing his back to the Prince, who panted harshly.

“You came back just to tell me that?”, he laughed coarsely and hammered down some foes.

“Of course not. I'm here to get your sorry ass out of trouble, as always.”, Loki smirked, before clouding them in thick smoke which smelled of blood and copper. The elves screeched.

Gripping Thor's hand, he took out a lump of silver metal and stared at Mjölnir.

“Don't you dare act up, or I'll find a way to melt you.”, he beseeched the thing and let his magic coat the surface of the hammer with Iron. Thankfully, she behaved.

Blue eyes stared at him. Confusion showed in them, too.

“You are an escapee.”

The younger one huffed.

“I'm your only hope. Besides, you better do not leave your place here just to take me back to my prison.”

Thor shook his head.  
“A lot has changed. But there is no time at the present. I will heed your warning. Thank you for risking your own safety for the good of Asgard.”

“Please. It would just be the first of the realms. I just do not want to search for another living arrangement again.”

Loki let the smoke vanish and surged forward.

“Get the word down the lines! I'll take care of Malekith.”, he growled and left the Blonde behind, who watched him go.

“Be safe, Brother.”

 

~~~~~~

 

Loki's warning had saved them. Asgard had gained the upper hand with weapons forged of steel rather the other metals they were so fond of (uru, and gold-alloys mostly), and with Mjölnir in possession of it's true strength but the added effect of the Iron the Elves had not stood a chance.

When Thor, the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three finally were able to search for the leader of the attack, it was many hours later. Bodies littered the fields, the stench of spilled blood was heavy in the air, and after the sound of battle it was eerily calm and silent.

“Loki!”, Thor shouted while wading through corpses of comrades and enemies alike.

“Brother! We come to aid!”

There was no answer. He continued searching, helped by his friends. Coming upon a clearing, they faltered for a moment.

There was Malekith, the Accursed, impaled on the spear Loki had wielded besides him. The elf did not stir, did not move. He was defeated, claimed by death.

Some feet away, lay his brother. Thor rushed to him as fast as he could.

“Loki!”, he yelled, once, twice, but he still got no answer. He did not notice as Sif held back the warriors and shook her head, or as the three men went to inspect the body of their foe.

As he reached his younger sibling, he fell to his knees, rolling the body in front of him on it's back, grunting.

It was like hanging from the Bifröst again, watching as he fell into that damned black hole, seeing Loki being swallowed whole by something so utterly terrifying that he himself shook.

“No.”, he whispered and cradled Loki to his chest. His brother's eyes were open, but they did not see. Would never see again.

There was no movement under his skin, no heartbeat, no breath.

“Please no, brother. I'll not fall for your illusions another time.”, he whispered, but knew it to be real, for any other illusion would have shattered at touch. Kissing his forehead and closing the green, broken eyes, Thor swallowed heavily.

An old, rusted blade slipped from cold hands, and Thor could not hold back a sob any longer.

It was the knife Loki had switched for the note on Christmas Eve. The enchantment being lifted, allowing it to decay in mere moments was enough to confirm that his brother truly was gone.

“May you rest well in the halls of Freyja, in Sessrúmnir. May you feast on mead and bread with our ancestors and be remembered for your braveness and cunning in life. Farewell, beloved brother.”, he spoke the traditional words for the dead warriors of their realm, voice thick and breathy, before he lifted the lifeless body into his arms and went to get him home for the last time.

 

~~~~~~

 

Loki had known it would pay off to perfect his illusions, his doppelgänger. He had watched, shrouded from sight, as Thor and his warriors had found the bodies, had watched as his second body had been returned to the palace, had watched Frigga mourn over the dead one while cursing Odin with words the alive one smirked at.

Thor had erected the funeral pyre himself. Each log he had piled on with his bare hands, grim and angry, no word leaving him for the traditional three days in which the dead were sanctified and prayed for, beyond a quest he sent Sif on.

She was to ask Freyja herself if she would welcome Loki into her halls, as he surely would like her over Odin.

The sorcerer smiled softly at that. Sentimental fool.

He waited until the pyre was set on the boat, until it was ablaze with flames, to cancel the spell and the copy of himself vanished. With a last glance back, he bowed softly to the people he once counted as family.

“Farewell.”

Now he was truly free from them all.

 

 

Back on Earth, he bought a ticket back to New York the instant he was in female stature again and was in her flat before long.

The weather was awful. Thick, black clouds veiled the sky, and rain poured down with no end on sight.

Loki sighed. She hoped Thor would be able to cope with it. Calling Tony, then, to redirect her thoughts.

“Sweetheart! Back already?”, she was greeted.

“It went much smoother than I thought. So, yes, I'm back again. What's with the weather? When I left there were no signs pointing to a flood.”, she joked. Tony huffed.

“Wish I knew. That happens only when Thor is really, really moody. I'm a bit worried for him, to be honest. With all that talk about pending war and doom and battle, I hope he comes out alive.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Really? That's Thor? Wow, guy's a weather frog.”

He chuckled.

“Hey, come over here, we're having shawarma today, and Tasha's feeling all alone with Jane gone back home. Help her get the Testosterone down.”

“Of course. I'll be there soon.”

Loki left, and so it slipped his awareness that her little figurine glowed softly, before returning back to normal.

 

 

They told her stories about them, brave ones and embarrassing ones all the same, and Loki laughed at and with them, while they were crouched down around the coffee table in Tony's living room, on the floor, eating the aforementioned dish.

“What about you? Some dirty laundry on yourself?”, Clint asked her and crumbled his napkin before tossing it down on his plate.

Loki snorted.

“Well, wouldn't you like to know.”

“Come on, spill!”, Natasha grinned at her. She sighed dramatically and took Tony's hand.

“I... no, there is nothing. I'm perfect.”, she said with a serious face but could not hold it for long, seeing the surprised faces of the Avengers.

“Sorry. Couldn't resist. So, um, let me see...”

What could she tell them? Some twisted truth? Some half-lie?

“I had a brother, but he have not seen each other for years. I may or may not have a bad history with the law, and I seriously want to spar against Natasha.”

“Granted!”, Tony squawked in after barely a second the last word left her lips, which earned chuckles and laughter.

“An outlawed?”, Clint grinned, while Steve just looked at her with that serious disappointed look he pulled of so perfectly. She smiled at him as apologetically as she could. He huffed and smiled back.

“You do know that I am trained in hand to hand combat for most of my life?”, the russian said.

“Well, yeah, but I did some serious self-defence classes, and I'd like to know what stuck.”

It would be hard not to beat the other woman into the ground, but Loki would make sure to loose as humiliating as she could, if they ever would be allowed to--

“Come on then, the gym's all ready for some nice woman-on-woman action!”, her lover said, already scrambling to get up, while the group laughed.

“Deviant.”

 

 

Ten minutes later, Loki was flat on her back for the first time. She had given the human woman all sorts of openings, no defences, wrong footing, so it had been no effort at all to get the god down.

“Okay, that was rather disheartening.”, she laughed and pulled herself up.

“Care to show me a better way?”

Natasha did, and half an hour later, after having been horizontal more often than vertical, Loki left the boxing ring while rubbing her back in an attempt to show pain.

“Remind me to never ask her again.”

Bruce snorted and felt her back, declaring no lasting damage.

“Good to know.”, she said dryly.

It had been fun, to play with her strength like that, to see how well she truly could pull off the mortal facade she now wanted to keep. Natasha had not hurt her, not really, but she was well able to inflict a great deal of pain to another human being.

Well, now she knew how strong was too strong to display.

 

 

The weather continued to be a mess, rain still drenching the streets without hope of it getting better. It began abating a week after Loki was back. High time. It did not do for the crown prince of Asgard to drown in sorrow over a convicted criminal.

Thunder and lightning heralded Thor's arrival, so she once again was invited for dinner (not that she already had been there the other evenings, too) as well as Jane, who was collected by one of Tony's private jets. She would arrive some hours later, but Thor would appreciate the act, and he would be in serious need of comforting.

It was no surprise for Loki to see Thor still looking glum and desolate, Mjölnir hanging sadly from his hand. He arrived on Tony's landing pad while the Avengers were busy collecting plates and the food, while Loki was setting the glasses on the table.

Thor brushed her by accident with the hammer, and the damned thing zapped her in the rear. _Zapped_ her. Throwing Mjölnir a scathing look, the god took a step back. The Blonde hadn't registered what had happened.

“Thor, buddy! It's good to see you back. Any news?”, Tony asked, when he stepped into the room with plates and cutlery.

Thor sighed heavily, but forced a smile on his face.

“As the last time I was invited to your home, I bear both good and bad news. But this time the bad ones greatly outweigh the good ones, I am afraid.”

Steve cracked some creases on his forehead as he came in, too, with Bruce and Natasha.

“The war still not averted?”

Thor all but crumpled into himself. Loki went to the liqueur cabinet, silently asking her lover if it would be okay to pour the poor soul one, and got an affirmative.

“There is peace again. The enemy was fought back. It was a hard battle, one we would have lost if not for my brother coming to our aid. He appeared by our sides, fought with us, spilled our enemies secrets so we could gain the upper hand, and then went to defeat their leader, known as Malekith, a highly dangerous creature, all on his own.”

For a moment, they waited for him to continue, to give him time, as Thor seemed too worked up to finish his tale. He opened his mouth a few times, trying – and failing – to speak again.

“So... did he do it? This Malekith-dude is finished?”, Clint asked, and Thor nodded slowly.

“What about Loki, then? Did he sort of redeem himself with this?”, came from Bruce.

Thor closed his eyes.

“My brother now resides with Freyja. Loki did not return from his fight with the Usurper. He fell in battle as a true warrior.”

Setting down the tumbler of Scotch on front of Thor, the fallen warrior sat down besides him. And was _zapped again_.

“Ouch!”, she hissed and kicked the hammer. Softly, mind you, it was immovable and likely to shock her again.

“Drink up. And then tell stories and drink more and eat, like you crazy gods do in the myths I grew up with.”, she then said, which resulted in a slightly more upright God of Thunder.

“You are right. What a fine king I would make if I mourned every warrior like this.”, he chuckled and cleared the scotch in one go.

The Prince woke up, shared tales Loki himself had long forgotten, laughed with his friends about his tricks and charades, puffed himself up in pride for his younger brother and praised his talents as he never had before.

It hurt a bit that she first had to die to make Thor see her value, and his love, but Loki would cope. When Thor told them about the cross-dressing incident, they howled with laughter, and it was a bit like in old times, when their mother would sit them down, retelling their own history to them, while the feasts they attended were filled with glorious tales and mead.

Of course, someone had to ask about the horse-thing, and the other strange myths humankind came up with, but Thor set them right and told them what really had transpired. When Loki sat down after setting up the dessert, another jolt electrocuted her foot, harder than before. She jumped and spluttered, caressing her limb and shooting murderous glares at the thrice-damned weapon.

“What is the _matter_ with that thing?”, she wanted to know, as her feet were draped over Tony's lap (sitting on her left), therefore getting them way out of reach for the electric device set on killing her before the clock struck midnight.

Thor frowned and picked it up.

“I don't know. She's never done that before.”

Loki groaned.

“Fantastic. A magical hammer dislikes me. Not fair.”

Tony flung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

“Be glad you never were on his bad side. It really hurts to be the recipient of a swing with it.”

Loki laughed, because oh gods, she knew. She knew better than all of them.

“You were hit by it? When?”, she then asked, only to remember the very nice battle he had watched from that spot on the rock in Germany all these months ago.

When Steve and Thor began to alternate it, it was even better than remembering.

Jane arrived later in the evening. Quietly filling her in, Loki switched places onto Tony's lap so the scientist could sit besides her boyfriend and the bitchy hammer. Her foot still hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're at a point where time flies a bit. You'll see. Loki officially has parted with all claims to Asgard he ever had. He is done with them. For good.  
> Next chapter will have some fluff. I did not want fluff, but my stories do what they want TT  
> Thank you all for the lovely feedback!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fluff. Nightmares and fears revealed. An attempt to break out.  
> And finally, understanding.
> 
> (Getting a bit IM3 into the game. No Extremis though, I haven't seen the movie but once, don't want to get it wrong.)

 

 

One night in late February, Tony began trashing besides her in the middle of the night. When Loki was awake enough to ask what had happened, he already was out the door. Fine, she thought, and went back to sleep.

But her night-light was gone, and the bed was way colder than before.

The dreams returned.

As morning dawned, she cursed herself for becoming attached to a human, a mortal, and one who was prone to accidents and would surely die before her. The thought hurt.

 

 

The next time she slept besides Tony, it was her who kicked. And had she been not almost awake by that time, she surely would have broken Tony's leg and boy, that would have been awkward to explain.

A week later it was him again, and when he did not resurface for the next two days, she packed some scotch, a bottle of absinthe, a big pizza with extra cheese and went down to his personal lab, where Jarvis confirmed him to be. Knocking at the glass door, she tried to get his attention, before really seeing what he did. Loki grimaced. It was one of the suits.

“Jarvis, tone down the music. Get him to let me in, please?”, she tried her way through the AI, which complied and muted the music. Tony looked up from his helmet, confused, until his shoulders sagged a bit. The door opened and Loki gagged a bit at the stench from scorched metal, cleaner and paint.

“Really, you should air this place more often.”, she said and sat down the alcohol as well as the pizza, making her way over to the very tired looking man.

“Haven't been sleeping lately?”

She embraced him, hands combing though his thick locks, and he mh-ed into her stomach. Loki chuckled softly.

“Care to explain? Perhaps over Pizza and some booze?”

He laughed, the sound muffled in her top and skin.

“You are perfect. Yeah, well, Pizza and booze I can do.”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing of it without explaining.”

Tony's eyes lost the spark of humour again, before pressing his forehead into her belly once more.

“I'm no good at talking feelings. I just don't do it.”

Loki shrugged and stepped away.

“Then don't. Make it an essay with two hundred words or less. I'm pretty good at reading.”

The engineer huffed. Then he rubbed his eyes and placed the helmet on the table besides him. Loki watched for a second, taking in the surroundings, finally landing on the row of half-done suits, the first models, and it took her breath away.

“Tony, this is incredible. You've built them all on your own? With only this little tech for help?”, she whispered, awed, taking the risk of angering her lover and letting her fingers wander over one of the golden-red painted armours.

“Hey, don't insult my bots. They're my babies.”

“Sorry.”

He exhaled softly and turned with his chair.

“Yes, they're handmade. Just for me, really. It's... something to calm my mind with. Some way to try to make the world more safe. To protect the ones who're near me.”

“They are breathtaking. You are a genius.”

He laughed.

“I know, my mother had me tested.”

“So, that's why you can't sleep? You're afraid something will come for someone you like?”, Loki then asked, before stepping up to an half-finished suit with wires hanging out. Interested, she peeked at it and fumbled around with the cables. She heard him first grumble a bit and then chuckle.

“You know, I hadn't seen you as an tinkerer.”

When she worked five more minutes with his suit, he just stared, brows furrowed and clearly interested what she did, and suddenly the suit was powering up, she whooped.

“Got it.”

Turning around, her winning smile vanished as she stared into his irritated face. Loki quickly took a step away and looked down. Damn, she had let herself go. But it had been way too long since she had crafted anything, be it magic or with materials.

“How did you do that?”, he asked, suspicious.

She bit her lip.

“I connected the HUD. There was a loose wire hanging out which disrupted the circuit, and I worked around it.”

Yeah, well, it was a bit strange for an art consultant to be techy. Granted.

“A loose wire?”

Loki groaned.

“Oh come on, yes, a wire! Tony, please, I'm just a bit interested in these things. I like to work with my hands, and really, between you, Bruce and Jane one _has_ to learn a thing or two about science and tech. You're unable to talk about something different.”

He just continued to gaze at her with these deep, brown eyes she loved so much, so she did what she could best – she used her silver tongue, actually being honest for a change.

“Tony, this” - pointing into the room, to the bots, to the suits - “is amazing. You're creating something unbelievable, just with your hands, and with that crazy brain of yours, just to protect people. How many times have you failed with them? There were failures, right? And you just went on and on an made it better and bigger and stronger, to fight for the ones who can't protect themselves. It... I can't fathom it, to be like you. It must be like having the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

He closed his eyes and sank back into his chair.

“A fucking loose wire.”, Tony chuckled.

“Sorry, I just am very cranky when someone magics away a problem I worked on for five fucking hours with some nimble fingers. So, what about pizza now?”

Loki let loose the breath she did not know was stuck in her lungs.

“You're not angry?”

“Nah. It's a bit unusual that someone besides me works on them, though, and it put me on edge. Sorry for scaring you.”

She was pulled onto his lap, legs on his sides, and his strong arms embraced her middle, face pressed into her breasts.

“Wow, this is good.”, he said, tugging her hips closer to his and kissing the skin of her cleavage.

The sorceress grinned.

“Well, right now, there is alcohol and food awaiting you. Sex later. After you've showered. Deal?”

Tony sighed and smacked her bottom, before rolling both of them to the traits she brought.

“You're right. I'm a bit worked up about last years' attack. You know, the one Thor's little wicked brother lead. In two months time it will be a year ago, and there are still things we don't understand. That I don't understand. That big gaping hole in the sky? Well, fuck. I've seen what's hiding inside, and it isn't pretty. It's just dark.”

Grabbing a slice of pizza, Loki stood up and sat down on another chair.

“Go on. Essay. I'll read it.”

“I've seen an army of these things, and behind that hole there were just more. Still. Just these aliens and darkness. What happens when they come back? Will they come back? Will we be able to protect our planet a second time? When I sleep I fall trough that hole again and again, and it suffocates me.”, he ranted and gulped down a first tumbler of Scotch. Then he looked at her and there was so much Loki understood in these eyes.

“Will I be able to protect you? Or Pep? Will it be enough?”

Loki kissed him gently.

“And that's why you build all these suits. Let me guess, remote controlled, too, because you can't be in every one at the same time. You work to get the feeling it will be enough when it comes to the worst.”

He nodded, but did not look at her, and the god sighed.

“Tony, do you know why I feel so safe with you?”

“I'm good in bed? Oh, and I'm Iron Man, of course.”, he joked.

She chuckled.

“Because you're a bright light in the darkness, and not just because you have a built-in night-light. I'm deathly afraid of the dark. Really, really afraid. So bad, I get panic attacks even now if there is no light to point me a direction. I'm safe with you because you truly would do everything to safe those dear to you. This just proves it. You could have the world at your feet – you already have most of it, anyway – but you still get yourself in line to protect them all. There is no way you won't come out on top.”

“Tell me about it. Your fear. Why?”, the billionaire asked.

Loki shuddered as she remembered, not at all convinced by the diversion tactic.

“I was trapped in darkness for a very long time. I can't say how long. Days, months, Years. Perhaps longer. It felt longer. I fell, just like you. I still fall. The darkness surrounded me and I was sure I would go insane. It was terrible.”

Her hands shook and true to her word, the panic set in. Breathing got suddenly very hard. Tony grasped her fingers, softly stroking her skin with his thumbs.  
“Solveig. Hush. I'm here. You're okay.”

A bitter smile set on her lips.

“Now I wanted to comfort you, and I fuck it up. Sorry.”, she said, and squeezed his hands.

“It's okay. It's nice to know there are people who understand and don't judge.”

And just like that, they entered a really serious relationship without even noticing.

When the crazy engineer called one of the suits into the bedroom some nights later while suffering a very hard nightmare, Loki jumped out of the sheets in surprise, before trapping her lover under her and keeping him from lashing out with her godlike strength.

“Tony, wake up. Hush now, it's fine. You're safe. We're safe. The darkness can't claim you. You're mine. Come on now, Iron Man. Let it go.”

The suit just stood there, repulsor loaded and ready to shoot, but it did not bother her. It would not harm her, truly.

“Solveig. You're here.”, the man beneath her ground out and blinked awake. She chuckled.

“Yes. Could you now tell your suit to let me get back to sleep?”

He craned his neck upwards and groaned.  
“I'm sorry. Will not happen again.”

“Sure it will. I don't care. You want to talk about it?”

“Was the wormhole, as always. You were there. Fell with me, but Hulk just grabbed his Tin-can-Man.”, he mumbled, before ordering the suit downstairs once again. It complied.

“Do they have conciousness, now?”

“No... I may have implanted myself with some chips to get in better contact...”

She sniggered.

“The calibration is a bit off, don't you think? Anyway, it's astounding what you come up with. And now sleep. I'm here, everything's fine.”

She cuddled closer to him, stroking his chest. Before long, they were asleep again.

 

 

In April, Loki admitted to herself that she was hopelessly in love. She had thought feelings like this would have been blown out of her after all had happened, but it seemed that she was mistaken.

She caught herself as she wanted to cast spells more often than not, feeling at ease and slipping back into old patterns. It was frightening, because that would mean being found out. And Loki did not want to leave.

When the day of the Invasion passed, she was dragged with the team to an event, some hero-business followed and they had fun.

Tony eased up a bit afterwards. His dreams became less violent, the suit did not come crashing through the floor as often as before. She chuckled at the thought.

One night in June was especially bad for her. There had been some discussion about Thor and Norse gods, and Thor had gone full idiot and praised the Allfather beyond words. Inwardly Loki had been seething, Mjölnir had bitched at her again, and that just took the cake. All the fears came rushing back, the Void swallowed her up, and that asphyxiating feeling of falling had her screaming in the middle of the night. Tony held her and whispered nonsense in her ear, while she sobbed and panted and tried to forget all the hatred and anger Thor had awoken again.

It was a wonder she did not spill all her secrets to her lover that night, as she surely was not in her right mind and just raged and seethed and hissed in a language neither Tony nor Jarvis would ever understand, that being the only thing she could affect.

The engineer let her get out the emotion, before cupping her face and kissing her.

“You're beautiful, and talented, and more intelligent than any other woman I know – well, besides Jane, but she is quite a crack...”, and he had been pinched for that remark. Badly. “...and you are bat-shit crazy to put off with me, and I know there are things you don't tell me, but I trust you regardless. You're one of a kind, and I'll protect you. I'll be there for you, okay? Whatever it is, I'll not leave you.”, Tony had whispered in her ear, holding her tight against his warm body, intertwining their fingers.

Loki had cried at that again, desperation setting in as she realized that he was as deep in this as she was, and they both would hurt when the truth would come out. There was no way out she could envision for them if Loki would ever resurface again.

And then Tony would leave her. Loki was the reason for Tony's panic attacks, how could he stand _bedding_ that monster?

In an attempt to detach herself from him, she had gone back to her apartment for the next few days, not calling, not answering calls, just isolating herself and trying to get it all out of her system.

Shifted back in his male form, so foreign after being female for months on end, he had cast, had worked spell after spell until exhaustion sat deep in his bones. Then he went out and lost himself in the city, all bright and dark at the same time, eerily calm at one corner and blaring at the next.

When terrors disturbed his sleep, he went out again and forgot to rest.

After four days, he resigned and gave in. He could not leave Tony. He loved him. He was his base.

Tony was everything.

Solveig had returned, apologizing. The engineer had handed her a shot of absinthe before sitting down on his couch and had not spoken of her absence for the better part of four days.

“I'm sorry. I was trying to get my feet back on ground.”, she whispered and sat down besides him.

“No need to explain. I know.”

She drained her glass, straddled him and had kissed the living daylights out of the genius.

“I love you. You're narcissistic, your ego is as big as your tower,you are insufferable and too reckless for your own good, but I can't live without you any more. I need you.”, Loki said, before realising what her tongue had done.

“Well, as it happens, I seem to need you too. I haven't slept since you left, Solveig. Don't leave again. Please.”

And it was as much as an 'I love you, too' as she could wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! So, yes, they are so in love, and yes, they know. Both need the other to ground them, and help them. There's a lot of trust between them in my imagination, seeing as they lose it in their sleep sometimes.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your feedback, I was really really happy that I got so much! Love you guys!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are people who will love you, whatever you have done. Mjölnir gets her big appearance, and a bit of mischief on the side is always well received by Loki.

 

 

In August Loki learned what had transpired in Asgard after his escape. Thor had not explained them all, and as 'Solveig' asked about it, he told them. Apparently, after concluding that tossing Loki into a cage until time run out was a bit too harsh on him, the sentence had been softened.

Thor and Frigga surely must have been quite a stunning sight, all geared up. Loki almost wished to have been present.

They had raged at Odin for playing favourites, had pointed out that he had not been in his right mind, that there was another, mightier creature standing behind Loki. Not to mention him saving Asgard from the Dark Elves. Odin had been unwavering in his opinion until Thor petitioned for a more fitting punishment shall be given to himself for bringing war upon Asgard by his foolish trip to Jotunheim. If Loki would be imprisoned until Ragnarök for his crimes, Thor should be executed in front of the whole realm and better now as later. The crown Prince surely was to be held responsible for more misdeeds as his brother, talking about all the brave and heroic (read: idiotic and belligerent) things he had done, only to be rescued and having his faults straightened out by the quick thinking and silver tongue of his sibling.

So, instead of being the goldfish in a tank for eternity, Loki should atone and repent, under the watch of Thor, magic bound almost completely.

It was almost too good to be true.

But now that Loki was dead, there was no point in talking to the Allfather any more. Loki no longer was his problem.

The anger had flared up again, and she had excused herself the next day, slipping into the male body and glamouring him, ending up running for hours to blow off the steam. He would have _loved_ to spar with Steve or even the Hulk, to hurt and be hurt in return, but that would just be plain stupidity on his part. So he settled for running and came home to his flat panting and sweating, but more balanced.

A faint glimmer had him staring after coming out of the shower.

“Oh Norns, no.”, he chuckled weakly, before sighing, knowing it to be a lost case and picking up the little wolf of his desk.

“I thought you had cancelled the spell some decades ago, my Queen.”

Her soft laugh pearled up and he almost could see her.

“ _A mother never gives up on watching her children.”_

Loki smiled.

“So you think yourself still the monsters mother? After all I've done?”

“ _No son of mine could ever be a monster. Don't you dare implicate something like that. The pain the Allfather put you through has punished you more severe than any sentence. You have saved Asgard, once from the Frost Giants – even if we probably should talk about the way you take on problems, young man, I am not amused – and from the Dark Elves. You have more good in you than you think, my son.”_

“Thank you for not telling Thor where I am. It would be... unfortunate. I think.”

She laughed again.

“ _It is not my place.”_

“I am sorry for all the pain I put you through, mother. You deserved so much more from me.”

“ _Oh, hush. There is much a heart can bear if the outcome will be justified. And for you to be free is all I ever wanted. Now be safe, be happy, and_ live _.”_

The figurine went back to it's usual wooden colour, and Loki exhaled deeply.

It felt wonderful being loved so unconditionally. There still was someone who wanted him from this life that seemed so far away now.

When Solveig returned to the tower that night, she was smiling happily.

 

 

October went by, and so did Halloween. A party had been a given, and Tony had asked her to move in somewhere between the first and second orgasm. Now, in mid-November, she had sold her apartment, had moved all her stuff into boxes, and carefully placed the Asgardian items as deep down in them as she could.

Today the last box had been tucked away, and she flopped down onto the couch in Tony's living room.

Oh, wait.

 _Their_ living room. She smiled.

And cried out a second after for there was that cursed hammer again. Where was Thor? Why did he let Mjölnir so out in the open?

She grumbled and rubbed the attacked leg.

“Bitch. Whatever is your problem?”

Mjölnir hummed.

“Oh please, he's good. It had to be done.”

More humming. Loki snorted.

“No, no way. Absolutely not.”

The hammer buzzed at her.

“Come on now, he's way happier than before. My actions are justified.”

The buzzing intensified.

“I won't go back. I have parted with them all, and his brother is gone. For good.”

When Mjölnir seriously started vibrating, Loki sighed.

“I can't. You know that. Odin would have my head, regardless what Mother and Thor said to him. I am not welcomed any more, and I don't want to be.”, she said and patted the silver metal softly.

“Yeah, you're forgiven. Thank you for letting me get you that shiny little armour in battle.”

Mjölnir hummed again, and Loki smiled.

“You were always way to heavy for me. But the offer still stands.”

A little jolt cracked along the handle. The woman laughed.

“All right, all right! Behave now. Else you'll get in me in trouble.”

She continued to stroke her brothers weapon (and wow, did that sound horribly wrong with _hammer_...) amicably, turning on the TV and searching the channels for something worth her while.

A cough from the kitchen startled her way too easy. She had to be more aware of her surroundings. Her instincts had slacked down so much, it was terrifying.

“Forgive me, Solveig. I did not want to surprise you.”, Thor said, before lifting an eyebrow at the scene displayed.

“No big deal.”, she said and grinned up at him with fake ease. Had he witnessed the words she had spoken? Was hiding futile after now?

The Blonde picked up Mjölnir and frowned.

“There was nothing wrong with her?”

Loki snorted.

“We talked it out. We're good now. Best buddies.”

And when had she started to talk like Tony? Norns, she spent too much time with him.

Thor waited a few seconds, frozen in that frown, before shrugging and holstering his loyal companion to his hip.

“Well then. Have a nice day, Lady Solveig.”

“Yeah, you too!”

When Thor was out of the room, she huffed out a relieved breath, before chuckling softly.

Talked it out with a hammer. Smooth, Silvertongue, really smooth.

 

 

Obviously, Thor had not realized that his foster-brother was not as dead as he thought him to be, and Loki's cover stayed intact.

Christmas had been a more or less quiet affair, as quiet as it could get with two Assassins, a supersoldier, three science-geeks, a God from Norse legends, and some other people who associated with the Avengers.

Tony continued with his work on the suits, but it was not as obsessive as it had started out with. Loki was amazed all the same, the handiwork so beautiful, the intention so clear, the idea so marvellous.

When she finally realized these suits were for her, for him to protect her, the sorceress' heart beat harder and faster, happy and guilty all the same.

“I don't deserve such affection. Really.”

Tony had tutted on her while calibrating another set of chips.

“You're worth every second, sweet pea. Don't ever let you tell otherwise.”

It had swept her off her feet, to put it mildly. She had needed every set of skill not to break down in front of him with the fear of losing him, and by default, the others, too, or kiss him into next week.

Loki had settled for a crooked smile that mirrored her soul's image rather good.

Some weeks later, the Avengers were called in to protect New York against some villain named Dr. Doom – shady little sorcerer, Loki thought – and were beaten up pretty bad before the guy vanished again.

Jane and Loki practically rushed to the hospital they were admitted to, even if it was just to be safe more than any real lasting damages.

Instinctively wanting to take in the damage her lover had suffered as soon as she saw him sitting on a bed, Loki wriggled her fingers, before stopping herself with a shocked gasp. No. They could not find out. So she had flung herself onto Tony, grabbing his shirt in tight fists to keep her fingers from doing _things_ again and berating him for being a reckless fool.

He grinned at her with that annoying tug of lips, cracking a joke about him walking the thin line between genius and crazy, what had her chuckle.

“Take more care the next time around, yeah? If you at one point don't come back to me, there will be _hell_ to pay.”

Literally. The sorceress still had some deal working with Hela, Goddess of the Dead. Actually, that one could come in quite handy sometime. Perhaps.

“Oh, threatening now, are we? Kinda hot, I must admit.”

“No threat, Stark. Promise. A very serious promise.”

Tony laughed and kissed her.

“Hot all the same. Make me more kinky promises.”

The nurse who had checked his vitals promptly turned on her heel and left the room, leaving the two of them giggling.

 

 

Doom became a recurring enemy who was ridiculously hard to beat and mixed technology with magic, and that just freaked Tony out, or so he told Loki after another encounter.

“You could go ask Thor about it.”, she suggested, even if the Thunderer had never known a thing about magic. He was an absolute failure in these regards.

Tony grunted.

“He told Jane magic and science are the same up in Asgard. We just don't understand it yet.”

Oh, how hard Loki had to bite back a snort. Yes, well, perhaps. A tiny fraction of it. Under special circumstances.

She seemed to make a pretty unbelieving face, because Tony groaned and buried his face in the pillow.

“Yeah, I don't believe so, either. Thunderboy is not the brightest bulb out on our lovely little marble. Loki would have been the one to ask.”

That in turn had squeezed a chortled laugh out of her throat, and she loved Tony all the more for it.

“You'll figure it out. Now come on, sleep. I have an exhibit to be settled in early tomorrow.”

 

 

The second anniversary of the Invasion rolled around. Summer came and changed into autumn, and soon it was Christmas again. Time flew by Loki, who was as content and happy as she never had been before. Even if her magic itched under her skin, restless and unused, and the urge to spread Mischief again grew almost unbearable, she was satisfied with what she had built for herself. Once she had caught herself casting a spell which shielded Tony from a very nasty Doom-Bot. She had watched the news when the fight came on, directly besides her workplace, and her fingers had acted before she could hold back. He had not noticed, as magic per se was not tangible or so much as a visual effect. Energy of course was another matter entirely, and she knew Jarvis would pick it up eventually, if she would cast more of it at home, too, so Loki held herself as tightly as possible in that regard.

Of course, if Loki had been able to work her magic, Doom would not be an issue any longer, and the longer he was wreaking havoc on her city, the stronger the desire to snuff him out became. Ultimately, she just waited for the perfect opportunity, which arose in the last wintery days of February the following year.

Doom attacked, and she was away for an exhibit on the other side of New York. Shifting back to male, he threw on a glamour to not give Thor any starters and teleported to the scene of action, albeit a bit further away as his friends.

One spell cancelled the control Doom had on his Bots. He really was not all that gifted in magical traits, Loki observed smirking.

Another spell peeled off the layer of armour which cloaked the human. At that, he felt the presence of Natasha and Clint looming closer to him, weapons drawn. Loki raised his hands in a gesture of appeasement.

“Just giving a hand. He's all yours.”, he said, and snapped his fingers once, sharply. Doom fell asleep in an instant, and Steve rushed forward to secure him the moment after.

“You'll need that, too, or he will escape soon enough.”, the god said and procured manacles, similar to the ones they had donned on him three years prior. Not entirely the same, mind you, but alike enough to be recognized. Thor snatched them out his hands and tossed them to the Captain, before turning back to him.

“Have thanks.”

Loki smirked, and before anyone could say another word, he vanished again.

In the evening, Tony told her about the strange mage and admitted that SHIELD was at a complete loss. They almost panicked because they had no point of attack to get information.

Loki revelled in the thought of having secured her place as well as creating chaos at the same time.

So perhaps 'he' appeared one or two times more if convenient, just to freak them out a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, you people are so wonderful! I feel so appreciated and loved by all your feedback! *blush*  
> Now, I am planning on some sort of Epilogue for this. You have the chance to decide what you'd rather have. A single chapter to wrap up everything? Or something that would probably end up being some sort of mini-monster-fic with 5 to 10 chapters, in which I can pack up everything I haven't had space for before.  
> That is, if you want a sequel/epilogue. Gimme your opinion, I'll see what I can do.
> 
> Ohohoh, and I just have to wait for 9 more days until Thor2 comes to the cinema! Yay :D Sorry for all of you who have to wait till November 8th...
> 
> EDIT: This is not the end of the story. I have it written down and finished, and therefore I could start with a sequel. Just to clear that.  
> And if anyone wonders: The shrouding spell Loki has woven still holds. Heimdall and Odin cannot see him. Frigga would never rat him out to the Allfather, so technically nobody knows Loki's still alive. Any sentence or punishment is futile as of that point in time where Odin thinks Loki to be dead.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been four years since Loki sought to subdue Midgard. He has found love in the arms of the man he threw out his own window. It could be his happily ever after.  
> Or could it?  
> A serious turn of events awaits him. Or two.

 

 

A little over four years after Loki's first appearance on Earth, Tony once again drew back from her, as he had when the nightmares first started. They had worked quite well on that, she thought. Both of them hardly had any more troubles with their horrors by night, triggered seldom by some off comment or place, or some other thing that would throw them back. It never got as bad as before, though.

So what drove him to keep his distance? He kept to the workshop for days on end, was irritated without reason. It hurt. It was a bit like being cast away again.

Wallowing in self-pity, Loki watched bad shows and killed the Absinthe. She had some rather high tolerance, what with still being a god and all. She wasn't even beginning to feel drunk as the bottle spilled it's last drop.

“I presume warning you about alcohol poisoning would be futile as of now.”, Jarvis drones drily and had her laughing coarsely.

“Don't worry, Jay. I'm good.”

“Yes, I can see that.”, the Ai said. “Shall I call Mr. Stark?”

“... no. Let him rot away in his little dungeon. I'm off to bed now anyway.”, she sighed, collecting the bottle and trailing off.

Well, perhaps the next time she would learn from her mistakes and not get attached again.

 

 

The pattern stayed with them for weeks. Months, even.

Loki had tried to coax it out of Tony. Really tried, but even her skilled tongue had not worked on him. He was slipping from her fingers, or it felt like that, and the cracks in her soul reopened and spilled bitter poison through her. Oh, he still was that perfect gentleman in front of strangers, and even with their friends Tony almost was the same, but when alone again, he was distant, closed off and even snarky at times. Loki returned the stabs, the only defence she could muster up.

And when angry enough, they would end up in bed for sex that was more fighting than loving, struggling for dominance. Loki would forget her strength and pin him down, before remembering and retreating, a last effort to keep up the appearance, to sustain the happy facade a while longer.

The dreams came back, not as violent, but terrorising all the same, and Loki forgot how often she would lie awake, shivering on her side of the big bed, waiting for soft, warm, strong arms to embrace her and more often than not curse herself for not having been able to prove worthy and valued once again.

When she came back to the tower after being forced to play host for some art gala in Europe, her mind was set on packing up and leaving the place for good, perhaps playing hermit down on Niflheim for some more years before she would have enough and claim death for sure this time around. Stepping out of the elevator, she stopped dead in her tracks. Tony already was awaiting her, eyes red and puffy, shirt practically drenched in grease and oil, and smelling again of scorched metal and chemicals.

She ruffled her nose in an attempt to hide the way she loved the sight because it was all _Tony_.

“You stink.”

“Marry me.”

Loki froze, before clearing her throat.

“I'm sorry, did you just say what I think I heard?”, she asked, bewildered. How dare he, after months of torture, how dare he imply the want to spent the rest of his life with her?!

“Marry me, Sol. I'm sorry. I've been a total ass and probably you'll leave anyway, because you're fed up with me treating you like that, for not being there for you when the nightmares came back, but I want to take the shot, because I really love you, and I have had a very hard time to cope, because I'm really afraid of loosing you because I'm dipshit, I'm egocentric, and this last week was just hellish, 'cause you're still the only one that can make me sleep at night. Please don't leave.”, the engineer babbled, coming over to her and pulling her to his chest, and she just stared at him as if he was crazy.

“I'm not one for feelings, you know that. I panicked. I'm sorry. You deserve more than some emotionally crippled idiot. Stay either way, because I need you.”, he whispered in her hair, and all the anger and pain she felt drained away as she felt his heart against her skin, beating faster than ever, and her magic picked up the distress he was in.

He was as genuine as one could be. He still wanted her, more so than ever.

Loki sighed.

“We'll have to talk, Tony. For real. I cannot be your punching bag any more.”

He apologized again and kissed her head.

“Never again, I promise. We talk, and whatever there's between us, I don't care. Just stay.”

The god nodded once and pushed him away, at arms length, scrunching up her nose in fake disgust.

“You just ruined a perfectly good cashmere sweater with oil. Shower. Now. And burn these filthy rags you wear. And what's that? Have you actually _cried_?”

Tony laughed.

“Natasha pepper sprayed me before hauling my ass upwards to wait for you. They were fed up with our miserable show. So, to answer my question? Yes or no?”

Loki huffed, but smiled gently.

“How could I ever say no to you? Yes, Anthony Stark. I'll marry you.”

It was the right decision, if his bright smile and enthusiastic kiss were any indication.

And the ring he had crafted her himself in the last week was just stunning.

 

 

The talk had turned out rather serious, with all kinds of issues revealed on his side, and more lies and half-truths on hers, and she hated herself for not ending this and in the end hurting him, but she could not bring herself to crush this. He was her life now, he had shown her love and affection and trust.

Loki would not let this go, and if she had to forsake her magic forever. It already began to deteriorate. It was bound closely to his male body, as the female had not grown with it.

Tony told her absolutely everything. Details from his childhood, the alcohol abuse, the palladium poisoning, the shards in his chest – and she had to remember him about the damn healing stone. How come they had forgotten about that thing? - how the Avengers had changed his life.

“So, now you know me to the bottom of my heart. There's nothing left. It's all yours.”

“Thank you for trusting me. It means much.”, Loki had whispered and touched the rim of the arc reactor, noticing how Tony did not flinch away any more as he had done when they were still fresh.

“You're worth trusting, Bambi.”

“Bambi?”

“You're shy as a deer, Solveig. Don't think I don't know you have a fuckton of issues as well. You don't have to tell me, I'm not the telling person either. Just remember that you _can_ tell me everything. I'm not gonna run away. It's my tower.”, he joked lightly and caressed her ring-adorned finger.

“Any parents or big brothers I should be aware of to give me the shovel talk?”

Loki's smile lost it's brilliance after that. She stared out of the window, eyes searching for faces she had last seen aeons ago, it seemed.

“There once were. Now it's just me. And I'm afraid I'm not the person you see me as.”

Her face was cupped and brown eyes seemingly stared into her soul.

“You could be an evil alien sorcerer and I'd still love you. You were the most wonderful person for the last years, kind, funny, intelligent, quick in the tech and science department, and you helped me get over myself. Please don't think yourself so low.”

She swallowed. If he just knew how true that first statement was in reality.

“Even if there would be a monster lurking under the skin?”

“Oh please, have you forgotten we live in the same building as the Hulk? If he can be tamed, and I dare say I've done that, genius that I am, I'm sure there is nothing I'd be surprised with. And now hush and let's get downstairs. Dinner's in an hour, and Thor has been learning how too cook. It's gonna be a hell of a show.”

 

 

Pepper had almost fainted when she was told. Tony Stark, marrying? What in the whole universe should she tell the press? Hell surely had frozen over.

Then she had seized the opportunity and went full-on wedding planner. She toned it down as much as she could, per Loki's request, but at least one or two official photographers had to attend, just to satisfy the press. That she could live with – being on the watch was the same for a Prince.

The list of invitees was fairly short, seeing as both of them had not many friends or loved ones, people they really wanted to attend, not just ones that thought to be important enough.

It ended with them, the tower's roof, the Avengers (plus Jane as Thor's girlfriend), Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy.

It would be a bit crowded, but it would be perfect.

They were getting married. It had never occurred to Loki to truly marry someone she wanted to marry – her status had always made clear that a political marriage would be her fate someday, and to be able to decide freely whom to spend the rest of her life with was a gift.

Well, the rest of Tony' ridiculously short life, at least.

She should think about obtaining one of these magic apples the Edda talked about. Perhaps Idunn had hidden that tree somewhere.

Chuckling, Loki flipped through some wedding dress pages on one of Tony's StarkPads Pepper had listed, when a sense of foreboding trickled down her spine. A hand as cold as ice touched her cheek and she flinched away in panic, breath hitching.

“ _No crevice, little god.”_

Oh gods, no.

The Void clamped shut around her, engulfed her mind and senses, blocked out light as well as noise and had Loki double over on the floor, as she relived her darkest hours, all the emotions she had hid away deep within breaking free, memories the god had painfully restored to their old images twisting again, distorting reality and the present.

She screamed as she fell, heard Thor's satisfied laugh as she let go of Gungnir, heard her father call her unworthy and monster over and over, saw Tony leaving her, time and time again until all she could do was sob and claw at herself.

When finally a faint blue light broke the darkness, humming out, she clutched it to her in the desperate attempt to block out the darkness.

“Tony.”, she wheezed, eyes wide open, but staring into nothing, while her fiancée held her tightly and rocked her back and forth.

“All is well. You are home. You are safe. I'm here.”, he whispered, kissed her hairline and stroked her back. She shuddered.

“He's coming, Tony. He's found me.”, she breathed, fisting his shirt so hard it almost ripped apart.

“I'm here, Solveig. You're safe.”

Loki pushed him away, shivering madly, and shook her head.

“You don't know what will happen if he comes. He was here once before, and you barely stood a chance against his force.”, she said, before really hearing what she just told him. Her face paled several shades and her fingers were going slack.

“Tony...”, she whispered. He just embraced her again and pressed his face into her neck.

“I'll keep you safe. Don't worry. Whatever is out there, we can take it out together.”

How Loki wished that to be true.

... and how lucky she was that truly no one seemed to catch her rising number of slip-ups.

 

 

The dread stayed. So she made sure to get the Avengers in the best shape possible.

Sparring with Natasha. Again losing, but forcing the other woman to train her reflexes. She would prevail, whatever happened.

Enchanting one of Clint's arrowheads was a lot more tricky. Loki snatched one and hurried up to the roof, where Jarvis had no sensors, to place a spell on it that would pour forth poison on contact with any Chitauri it met – and the spell would spread through the arrows, as well, like a contagious malady.

Passing up a moment with Thor, Loki faked a faint to get him searching for Tony, while she pleaded with Mjölnir to keep him safe.

The Hulk was good without her help, and so was Steve.

The only one she really was worried about was Tony. He was so prone to injuries, caged in that suit, depending on the arc reactor, so she rummaged around a bit, and 'coincidently' came across the healing stone.

Tony's brow furrowed.

“I completely forgot this thing. That was Loki's present on Christmas '13. Let's find Thor.”

The blonde god laughed and explained, muttering about sneaky and light-fingered brothers.

“It will heal any damage your body has sustained. It will probably cast out any illness and toxic elements from your cells as well as anything unnatural.”

“So, like, the shrapnel vanishes and the arc reactor just pops out? What about the fillings I had to get done as I indulged in sugar?”

Thor grinned.

“There has to be some kind of intent. For example, I could heal your heart and free it from the metal in your chest if you wished, and would leave the device. Or I could remove it and let it heal any injury you ever sustained. It is magic.”

Tony had taken almost three seconds to decide to get it all out and a full overhaul of his body – and leave the reactor intact.

“There's someone who needs it. I'm a night-light.”

Loki would have pounced him if not for Thor.

 

 

The Other left her screaming in terror every other night. He came to her, threatened, promised and woke her up just to let her fall into another dream. When Loki finally stayed awake longer than Tony had when working in the lab, he sat her down and scooped up the rest of the team for some 'family dinner'. Shawarma it was. Loki picked at her share, waiting every second for the Mad Titan to make his grand entrance. He could not be far away.

“...i. Hey. Don't zone out like that.”

“Huh?”

Tony sighed.

“Speak to us, Bambi. What's going on? You haven't slept in ages, and when you do, you trash around and almost kick me out of my own damned bed.”

Loki flushed a deep red and mumbled an apology.

Thor frowned at her.  
“Is it Thanos?”

It was answer enough, the way she flinched at the mere name and pressed her hands over her ears to drone out the voice that promised revenge for her failure.

“... I thought so. Father felt his presence in the war against Malekith. Loki could have perhaps matched his power, with the Tesseract out of reach and safely stored, but...”

He did not go on, but she knew what he hinted at.

But she could not. She was too selfish. What she had now was too good to loose. It would break her to part with that life. She just had barely finished mending the old pieces of her soul back together.

Besides, she had noticed how her magic failed her on occurrence. Enchanting Clint's arrows had left her a pounding headache for hours, and when the Titan finally would arrive, she would not be able to do much more than changing a toothpick into a needle or something like that.

And then it hit Loki that she would probably loose them any way.

Should she choose to hide any longer, Thanos would slay first them and then her, and unable to do anything, magic gone, she would be at fault for it, guilty for their deaths.

Were she to reveal her true self, they would leave her. The thought alone paralysed her and had her shaking.

A chair was moved, and there were arms around her, much broader than Tony's, but familiar all the same.

“You are not alone.”

She sobbed and made her decision. Loki detached herself from Thor and stood up.

Fumbling around with trembling fingers, she pulled the ring from her finger and almost dropped it with the effort it took to place it in front of Tony, who looked at her, radiating pure confusion.

“I should never have accepted it while lying through my teeth all along. I'm sorry. Forgive me.”

But she could not go on. The truth was stuck in her throat, and her tongue seemed to choke her when she attempted to speak. So Loki turned around and curled down on the sofa, hating herself for being so weak and attached and utterly helpless, that she could not even use her skills, her birthright.

The god heard shuffling feet and rustling as the others followed, sitting down besides her and on the soft rug she knew the carpet to her feet to be. Sighing, she accepted the hand on her back and let her body be dragged to lean on Tony.

“Is there something you'd like to share, darling?”, the engineer asked gently, kissing her temple and playing with her raven locks.

“I...”, she started, watching her fingers pick at her nails.

“I'm...”

She huffed. Norns, they would tear her apart. She swallowed heavily and opened her mouth once again, just to be cut off by Thor, who chuckled softly and flipped through a tabloid with lots of wedding dresses.

She stared at him with open horror. How could he be _laughing_ when everything fell apart around her?

“It will be nice to see you wear the dress for once.”, the Thunderer then said, patting Mjölnir, and Loki just stared at him a bit more. And more horrified than before. When the implication fully hit, she slumped a bit more into Tony, and finally could speak again, even if it was the language spoken in Asgard.

“ _You knew?”_

“ _Of course.”_ , Thor answered softly, never taking his eyes away from her.

“ _Why haven't you said anything, then?”_

“ _I wanted to give you the time you needed. If you were more comfortable as woman, as a human, then so be it. I do not want to force you to be something you are not again. I have hurt you often enough.”_

“More English and less Old Norse, please, Jarvis hasn't had enough time to iron out all the kinks in the speaking patterns.”, Tony said and pulled her to a more comfortable position.

“When did you find out? I cannot fathom you to be able to keep a secret.”, Loki asked, and dreaded the answer all the same.

“Until now, there has ever only been one being in all the Nine Realms that was able to understand Mjölnir in something akin to speech. I have had my suspicions before then, although. Your face and the way you walk are distinctive.”

Loki snorted softly, before Tony's words sunk in and she almost leaped out of his arms. Almost, since she had not anticipated the iron-like grip he had on her. Her heartbeat sped up until it felt like it would burst out of her chest any second. Breathing got harder every moment.

“No can do, Reindeer Games. Stay where you are. You promised.”

She tensed, but he practically forced her into obliging just with a glare, so she yielded and leant back on him, albeit the instinct to flee was overwhelming.

It was over, the game had finished, and Loki had lost.

They knew. They all knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...oh my. Cliffhanger. XD
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and feedback and kudos, I am so overwhelmed!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has been found out. What now? 
> 
>  
> 
> ...it's already saturday in germany, might as well chunk out another chapter. ;)

“What will you do now that you have found me?”, Loki wanted to know, voice thin and resigned.

Usually, she would have been gone by now, but here, with them... she couldn't. She still clung to them, and they deserved her honesty. The dreaded feeling of abandonment rushed through the god, fear of what they would do. She was terrified of what would become of herself once they decided Loki was not worthy of their time, even less their forgiveness. She would be arrested for sure.

And she wouldn't even put up a fight. She had risked this. She would bear the consequences. Loki would not be able to try again. Let her rot away in a prison or cage. This time around, she would accept the solitude. The god felt herself going numb. _No, Loki_.

She shuddered.

Tony shrugged and pulled up her left hand once again.

“I for one would like to get that ring back on you. And then I'd like you to relax.”, he said, stroking her back with warm fingers.

“Oh, and Tasha?”, he grinned into the room, and the read-head groaned.  
“Don't. Just. No, Okay?”

The man cackled.

“I told you. Pinky Swear.”

She groaned and buried her head in her hands.

“I _swear_ you just invited him the second time around just to annoy me.”, she grumbled.

“Jarvis already contacted SHIELD, I presume.”, the sorceress said, facing the ceiling. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Bruce smiling and Steve leaning in to say something to Clint, who grinned in answer and got up. It was strange how detached she felt from her own body.

“If you want to talk to them, we could. Nicky hasn't heard from us on some time now. We should probably reawaken his aneurysm.”, her fiancée – _ex-fiancée_ , her mind supplied helpfully – replied and a bright smirk twitched the corners of his lips upside.

Loki was puzzled.

“Why are you so calm? Are they already here and just wait for the command to take me back to the glass cage like last time? Is this some sort of joke?”

Anger rose up in her chest, feeling forlorn and like there was something seriously wrong. Why were they so set on torturing her?

Tony chuckled and pressed her closer to his body, playing tenderly with her fingers and kissing the tips.

“If we wanted to take you back there, we already would have. You're staying here.”

Loki pulled back her hand and easily shrugged off his arms, even if he tried to contain her a bit longer. He was no match for her. Tony frowned.

“Ouch. No need to get violent, Bambi.”

“I will not be jested at. Make your move, or I will make mine.”, she growled, irritated at the blatant lack of reaction. It irked her terribly, and this nagging sensation in the back of her mind screamed at her to run, before her freedom would be once again taken away. To take the control back.

“Loki. Calm down.”, Natasha said, a faint smile lighting up her eyes.

“SHIELD knows already. We've figured it out some time ago.”

What? Oh Norns, Loki thought, I've been played by the enemy. Her face surely was a horrified mask by now.

“...when?”, she wanted to know, expression softening up into something more in check. If they wanted to humiliate her, she would not give them the satisfaction. They wanted to break her by playing it down? Well then, she could do the same.

Had she truly been this starved for affection that she did not realize how they fooled her? She felt strangely violated. Never would she have thought these people so cruel.

Natasha furrowed her brows.

“Somewhere between the first sparring and Thor telling us you're dead. Yeah, pretty sure. There was no way someone could come out of my hands without a single bruise – I'm not very forgiving, even to beginners.”

“We figured you had staged your death to escape whatever watch you were on.”, Steve added.

Loki sneered, ruffling her hair. It just didn't add up. Why hide her? Tasha sighed.

“I told Steve shortly after, and Clint, too. Bruce has had his own theories and confirmed ours some weeks later.”

That left Tony. Her eyes settled on him, and he gazed back at her with a warm look, grinning widely.

“Pinky Swear was the promise I made to Tasha one or two months after you attacked. If I ever should encounter you – and recognize you – without there being a threat or some sort of fight, I'd let her know. And I did. Repeatedly.”

“You mean to tell me you acted as the loving boyfriend for almost four years? Whatever for? What kind of game are you all playing? Is it not enough to see I have lost _everything_ I once held dear? Did you want to see the fallen would-be-king-” and yes, she gave Thor a scathing look at that which had him flinching “for yourself, and see him suffer? Have you had _fun_ telling them how I trashed and cried in your bed, after you used me like a whore, _Anthony_?”

They were silent, and their looks turned very serious. A lump formed in Loki's throat.

“We never laughed about you. And we did not enjoy seeing you like this.”, Steve said while Bruce sighed.

“We let you be what you chose for yourself. As there had not been any sort of Chaos caused by your hand, we decided to let you go your way. We did not search you out specifically. It just sort of happened.”

“Yeah, you changed appearance ever so often, it would have been hard to keep track. And, well, every time we encountered you, it dawned on us way too late to react properly.”

Well then, perhaps they were earnest. But Tony had not denied having played with her, and that burned. When Loki looked at him again, he held out the engagement ring he made.

“I asked you to marry me. I wouldn't have done that if I would not love you. Hell, even Pep never got that far with me. I told you time and time again that I'd stay with you regardless of what secrets you had. It's all the same to me if you're an evil alien sorcerer, if you remember, or if you think there are monsters hiding under your skin. For me, you're the person I want to go all the way, if you're called Loki or Solveig or Luka Runasson – that one was quite the character, wasn't he? - and I don't even care if you're male or female. Don't believe for a second I would act like _that_. Hey, I even kept the reactor for you, because I'm your night-light.”, the engineer chuckled.

“The man from the Museum was Loki, too?”, Thor asked, surprised.

“That one was obvious, Point Break.”

“I admit I had not thought it was really you. It was too reckless for you to come to a place like this, with opponents waiting. I hindsight, now that I think about it, Runasson really did know a lot. Too much.”, he said, sighing. “I was too blind to see what was right in front of me once again.”

The sorceress snorted.

“That would not be the first time. It was a rather bad one, no magic at all, just some dye and a new haircut. I was pretty taken by surprise that not even Natasha recognized me. It was baffling.”

She huffed. “I trusted Thor to do that.”

“Please, Loki. It doesn't matter who you are. Now, you're our friend.”, Bruce said, and Loki exhaled a very long breath she had not registered she had held.

“You're serious.”

They nodded, and Loki felt the need to cry overwhelm her. The tension bled out and let her crumble down into the couch again, where Tony cuddled closer and kissed her temple.

“Nothing's going to change. You were the only one who did not know about it. Err, technically, you did, but, you know.”, he murmured into her ear.

She sighed.

“I thought I would loose you. I believed if this ever would come out, there would be nothing left of my life, that you all would leave me over the betrayal of lying to you, of hiding who I am.”, she whispered into the room, voice barely audible.

“Not gonna happen, sweet pea. You're stuck with us for the rest of our lives. Get used to it. We figured if you wanted to hide that you're the escaped enemy from another galaxy, we'd let you, and drop enough hints that you could come clear when you felt ready. There was something very wrong with you, the way you acted, and what Thor had told us of you that just didn't match, so as long as you did not actually try to do anything villainous, there was no reason to spook you. I've seen who you are by now, and to be honest, your were in serious need of some change of scenery. And you let your guard down pretty low these last months. But it was more than okay, because I knew you felt comfortable enough to be yourself for a change.”, the genius said.

Loki huffed out a snort and hesitantly reached for his hand. He intertwined their fingers outright and once again held out the ring.

“You still going to marry me? Pepper would get cardiac arrest if she had to cancel everything.”

“You really want to do this? Even after I've lied to you for the better part of three years?... make that four.”

Tony shrugged and put his arm around her shoulders.

“Why the hell not? We're good, aren't we? All's sorted out, it's peachy, just take it back already.”, he whined and pouted.

The Avengers snickered.

“Put him out of his misery. And you should probably duck.”

Loki looked at her confused and missed the moment. A sharp pain blossomed out on the top of her head and a hand reflexively went to caress her skull. Pinching her eyes shut, the god turned and locked eyes with a very amused Clint, an arrow spinning in one hand.

“Got you this time around. Thanks for the arrowheads. They are a huge kick-ass.”, he said before sitting down again and grinning widely.

Loki groaned. And chuckled.

“You can't fathom how afraid I was you could ever come across my identity. I believed you would skin me alive.”, she said, sighed, and plucked the ring out of Tony's fingers to slip it back onto hers. She was rewarded with a squeeze to her shoulder.

“Good girl.”

Thor practically beamed.

“Have you told Mother yet?”, he asked, before shuffling closer.

“She already plans her absence from the palace for the ceremony.”

Loki stared.

“Mother wants to come _here_?”, and damn, if her voice did not betray her by climbing up a good two octaves.

“Of course. It's not everyday one of her sons... daughters... marries.”

“Yeah, on that account. Have you switched back to male sometime between now and that second date in the park?”, Tony wanted to know, eyeing her interested.

Loki nodded.

“Not often, mind you. There were some situations I needed to part with that alter ego and get distance. And, if we're spilling secrets already, I may have been helping you with some of your fiends.”

“Ha!”, Clint exclaimed, holding out his hand and collecting money bills from his comrades.

“I told you so!”

Loki sniggered.

“Yeah, I figured you had that one down as well. But since I was pretty content as I was at the moment, there had been no pressing need to shift back. Wait. Second date?”

Tony coughed.

“Um, if you ever feel the need to man up again, just if you want to, you know, just knock yourself out and feel free to do so, sweet pea.”

Chortled gasps echoed in the room and Loki raised one eyebrow.

“Oh right, I _do_ seem to remember that one time we met at the café.”, she mused, softly stroking Tony's thigh and earning a light shudder. Yes, he seemed to remember, too.

“That was one awesome night. ”

Steve flushed.

“Way too much information. Way, way too much.”

The sorceress smirked.

“Well, I may have need of it. As I learned to control and channel the magic I use in the male form of my body, it actually dwindles now. I did not know that, as I have never spent so much consecutive time as a female, but with Thanos approaching, I have to get it up again.”

And that dampened the mood really quickly.

“Okay, I think that was our cue to make a leave. We put a number on you tonight, Solv- Lok-, damn, what shall we call you? Anyway, we can talk about anything else tomorrow. Good night.”, Bruce intoned, and the others, too, scrambled to their feet and towards the elevator. Besides Thor, who returned just to claim Loki in a tight hug.

“I am glad you are alive. I have mourned your loss greatly.”, he uttered, while she actually hugged back.

“I know. I have seen. Thank you.”

“Rest well.”

With that, they were gone, and she was alone with her lover, who sighed in relieve at the solitude.

Loki sat down again and boxed him as lightly as she could. He winced all the same.

“You should have told me.”

“Yeah, so should you.”

Both pouted, before breaking into loving smiles.

“Really, Reindeer Games, what would you have done if we had voiced our suspicions? You'd have vanished the second after. And we did not want that. You seemed to like us, and we do, too. I know you have some serious issues, what with the whole darkness thing and the panic you sometimes loose yourself in, and I understand that better than anyone else. I couldn't let you hurt like that. I had to try and make it better.”

“You did.”, Loki said. “I'm sorry for lying to you. It was the only way for me to start over. I took the first opportunity I got to escape, and as I had broken all bonds to Asgard, I never wanted to return there. I still don't. I tried to leave, I really did, when I realized how much I would hurt you once my identity would be revealed, but I couldn't stay away from you. You are my anchor. I would have stayed Solveig for as long as you would have me, and Loki could have gone to hell for all that I cared.”

She kissed him, and then frowned.

“So when you were all pissy and bitchy, before I left for Paris, it was really about me being the one who wanted to overthrow your planet?”, the god asked, quiet, fearing the answer. Tony laughed.

“Oh gods, no. I knew it was you the second I saw you. Don't know why, but somehow my mind would overlay the face in front of me with the one who held the Glowstick of Destiny to my chest, and it overlapped and cleared up. I've seen you in the Museum four years ago, when you talked to Thor about that knife, and hell, you were good, but I saw that tiny glimmer of hatred and detest in your eyes and recognized it. Thor was adamant you could not be that dumb and set up your new home directly in the vicinity of your former enemies.”

“Nice to know my plan worked.”

The human grinned.

“That gallery we saw each other the first time as Solveig and Tony? Yeah, your eyes were the same. The way you played with me was so familiar from the Tower, I just knew it had to be you. The guy from the film premiere? Way too hot to be normal. Way too mischievous. It was a game for you, and you pulled it off perfectly.”

Tony dragged her into an embrace before he continued.

“I was really afraid of my own emotions. I'm shitty at dealing with them, I really am. When I thought more often than not about making you mine in all ways possible, I retreated, I bitched, I was a total ass and idiot, and I loathed myself because I hurt you so bad. I watched you as you drank, and hell, even if I knew you to be as able to hold your liquor like Thor, I was deathly afraid you'd end up with alcohol poisoning or the like. But I could not bring myself to come up and get you away from it. When you were away, Tasha forced me to spill why I was acting like the idiot I am, threatened me with torture – and really, that is way scarier than it sounds – before making me realise that I was much more afraid of loosing you than to commit myself. Then you came home, and I freaked out again. You looked so lost, I was ashamed of what I had put you through, and I locked myself in the lab. Tasha climbed in through the vents, gave me a dose of pepper spray as she had promised, and hurled me upstairs. The thought that I wanted to marry an insane Norse God who threw me out of my own window was never an issue. If anything, it boosted my ego. I live on that thrill of danger, you know?”

Loki snorted.

“I do. You don't know how many times I had to restrain myself from working magic after you came home from battle. Or while in battle. Or beforehand. It got harder every minute. I never did, though – not here. There was one time I saved you from a DoomBot while at work. You may remember, we had a very good roll in the hay after it in the closed-off section of the art exhibit.”

He grinned widely and nodded, memories already playing in his head.

“It was extraordinary.”

She chuckled.

“Well then, Tony, you may want to hold my ring for a second.”, she sad, slipping it off again. He raised an eyebrow when it was placed in his hand.  
“Why? I thought we had clarified that once and for all.”

“Yes, but it may grow uncomfortable in a moment.”

With that, she shifted back in the male body she had not been in for a very long time. So long that the once familiar body almost seemed foreign. He grimaced, before chuckling. Well, luckily he had decided to wear baggy jeans and a simple shirt today.

“My fingers may be slim, but even so, it would not have fitted any more. I'll wear it on a necklace when male.”

Tony smiled and let his eyes wander over the slim, lean body besides him.

“You're still the most breathtaking creature I've ever seen. Myself included.”

Loki laughed. Then he felt the rush of magic, crawling under his skin and searching an outlet. He exhaled.

“I missed you too.”, he said, snapping his fingers and conjuring a bright orange-read flame that seared around his hands in playful tongues. Tony squeaked and almost toppled over the back of the couch in surprise, causing his lover to laugh happily again.

“Do not fret, darling. They will not burn you.”

The engineer grumbled.

“Way to slip back into your fancy old accent. How do you do that?”, he then asked, fascinated, edging closer again. Loki grinned and slowly reached out one hand to touch him and let one of the flames dance around the bronze skin. Tony stared, amazed, as the flames really did not burn him.

“It is the art of controlling matter. In that regard, perhaps Thor was not all wrong as he said science and magic are the same in Asgard. It just differs here, because your world has born so few with the ability to handle the strain which comes with wielding magic. You have come up with a science that is as new to Asgard as magic is new to you, I think.”

The flame snuffed out.

“Controlling matter? Really now?”

Loki nodded.

“I control the energy which resides everywhere around us. I can bid elements to do as I want, and if wanted, I may even rebuilt the smallest instants of matter. To cast flames, one has to find a burning material and ignite a spark, and then the flames must be nurtured. It is not as easy as it looks, but there are more complicated spells. Far more complicated. Illusions are a prime example. They are very hard to preserve, shatter at touch or fizzle away when one lacks concentration.”

Wriggling his fingers in well practised movements, he called forth a tiny butterfly which fluttered around his lover, before vanishing again with a quick swipe of his fingers.

“Energy and light are used when making an illusion. I bend them to my will and spark an image with life and action until the spell is lifted again.”

Tony stared at him, intrigued, mesmerized and with a hunger in these brown eyes that had Loki swallow hard.

“And all of your magic is controlled by your fingers? You did not utter a single letter, you just swish and flick your hand and poof! Magic flames.”, he then whispered, face only inches away.

The sorcerer nodded and grabbed him by the neck to close the distance, and _wow_ , a kiss had never felt so good before.

They fumbled at each other's clothes, lip-locked, before the need to breath arose and the kiss broke apart.

Tony huffed, hard, still staring into Loki's eyes with so much raw lust that it sent his blood rushing downward. The god chuckled breathlessly.

“I may have need to acclimate myself with my body once again after so long. Care to assist?”

The engineer all but pounced him, and Loki had him incoherent in less than fifteen minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I hope I could answer some of your questions. There have been a lot of these in the first chapters. So. Next chapter will have a massive Thor-Loki discussion. And i mean massive. And some more around that. Yeah. Have I made consistency-mistakes? With a fic consisting of roughly 62,000 words and a plot that runs away from me, there could be oO Just point it out.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, and since I'm trying to be a good person: Study! Do your homework! Go out for a bit and get some fresh air! Err... clean your room? If you do, I'll reward you with another chapter in under 36 hours ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold coffee gets hand in hand with the coiffeur.  
> Now that Lokis identity is known to them all, the Avengers ask about the incoming threat. Feelings happen.

 

 

“Good morning, Pepper.”, Loki said when he entered the kitchen the next morning, set on some tea and cereal. Tony still slept, worked out as he was. The god grinned brightly. The CEO surely wanted to talk to him and had taken the liberty to scrounge some coffee.

“Jarv, please be a dear and wake Tony.”

“Of course, sir.”

At that, he froze instantly. Oh hell, how did he forget?

“Good morning to you, too. I don't believe we've met.”

Her voice sounded a bit off, but he could not read her face as he stood with his back to the table, and he sure as hell did not want to have that fight in the morning. Pepper knew his face, knew he had been the one to lead an attack, knew it was him who had almost killed Tony while they were still together.

How to approach that woman without antagonizing her? Hell, work some magic.

“Um, yeah. Hi. I'm... er...”

By the Norns. A frustrated groan escaped his lips, before he heard the telltale slam of the bedroom door. Tony entered some silent and very awkward seconds after, chuckling madly. Loki risked a glance back.

Yeah, dishevelled as he knew him, hair sticking up in every direction, eyes still fogged up with sleep, but that damn smirk that told Loki something very funny had happened and no one had let him in on the joke.

Pepper joined the chuckles. And then it dawned on the sorcerer.

“He's quite silent for a God of Lies, isn't he? And what about that part about his silver tongue?”, she asked, face carefully neutral, eyes ablaze with mirth, before sipping her coffee.

“Oh, that one he has, no doubt.”, the engineer acknowledged, wiggling his eyebrows. The woman twisted her mouth and made an 'ew'-sound, before slapping him on the arm and laughing.

Loki quietly grabbed a cup and did not bother to actually boil the tap water he filled it with before adding a teabag and sitting down on the table, too, glaring at the two jokers. He dipped his index finger into his cold tea and it promptly began steaming, while Pepper's coffee suddenly grew very, very cold. She spluttered a bit.

“Well, you can always use the spoon and eat it like an icicle.”, he droned.

Tony cackled with laughter and got his own share of hot black deliciousness.

Pepper chuckled softly.

“Sorry, I couldn't hold back. Am I forgiven? Oh, we two have an appointment the day after tomorrow to get your hair done once before the actual wedding.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“Is there truly no one who did not know?”, he asked in pure disbelief.

“Sorry, sweet pea, we just made sure nothing would backfire. But you did great, and on some occasions I had to practically beseech the others to believe that you're you.”

“Okay, turtledoves, mischief managed, I'm off again. Tony, get me back these documents by tomorrow morning or there will be hell to pay! Solveig, don't forget the coiffeur. Jarvis knows the details! Bye!”, Pepper said, pecking both of them on the cheek and leaving.

Loki huffed.

“That woman. How do you bear her?”

His good morning kiss was answered with a groan, and Tony leaned back onto his chair.

“Admit it, you love her as much as I do.”

“Maybe.”

The human grinned.

“So, tell me, Bambi. How could your Mom possibly know about our wedding? Having been up to Asgard in secret?”

Loki grimaced.

“Of course not. I've not been there since my own funeral. We talk sometimes with the help of a spell, etched into the figurine sitting on my bedside table. She has some kind of monitoring spell placed on it and once in a while will watch what I'm up to. In my youth she used it to call me to dinner or lunch, as I was a bit like you when engrossed in some project.”

Tony's coffee almost slipped from his fingers.

“What do you mean with _she watches_?!”

A second of silence later Loki burst out in guffaw at the blatant shock on his finacées face.

“Not like that. Mother well knows when to take a peek and when not. I imagine she learned the rather hard way with me. But if you want to know when to not do anything you might find embarrassing, the wolf glows softly when the spell is active.”

“Ooh, I've seen it do this. I wondered what it was.”

“... perhaps I should place it somewhere in the living room, now that I don't have to fear Thor spotting it.”

Tony snorted.

“All the same. It isn't as if we'd limit ourselves to the bedroom.”

Loki chuckled.

“True.”

 

 

They assembled again for lunch. Loki had played around with his magic the whole morning, if just to get a feeling for it again after letting it sleep for so long.

Natasha and Clint entered to a dozen illusions of himself, all vanishing as they touched them. Steve had the misfortune to get caught in a wand of flames, Bruce and Thor were surprised with alterations to their clothing.

When they had finally settled, Loki was grinning widely and looked more alive than they had ever seen him before.

Mjölnir hummed loudly. Thor raised an eyebrow and the rest just threw irritated looks at it.

The sorcerer chuckled sheepishly.

“Clear. But please never zap me again. It is quite painful.”

More buzzing, and more irritated looks.

“Oh, is this a threat? I warn you, I will find a way to melt you. The dwarves may not be my first choice of entourage, but there are a few that are not as cross with me.”

When Mjölnir sizzled with lightning and Loki folded his arms over his chest in a defying gesture, Thor broke out in laughter.

“It is most interesting to watch you two interact. How do you do it?”

The younger one shrugged before smiling lightly.

“He talked with his magic, too.”, Tony piped up.

“I got a whole set of readings with Jarvis, Bruce. We'll have to take a very close look later on.”

Before they could engage in some of their science talk that would leave them unresponsive for anything else, Steve cleared his throat and placed some folders on the table.

“Tony, get your Pad here, we might need it. Well. Loki, we need everything you can tell us about that guy.”

A carefully carved mask settled down on his face.

“This... will take a while. Remembering the time is a bit straining, to be honest.”

“Just what you're comfortable sharing with us.”

A barked laugh.

“There's nothing I'm comfortable with regarding Thanos. He's insane, he court's death, quite literally, he's dangerous and much more likely to overthrow you than I ever was, if he wanted that.”

Tony gripped his hand and squeezed it lightly.

“Essay, Lokes. This time we'll be the ones to read it.”, he said and earned a wary smile and a sigh.

“He had access to the Tesseract's power. When I fell from the Bifröst, it was her light that lead me to him and his subjects. He awaited me, and as the Void I had fallen in already had twisted everything into insanity, I was easy to bend to his will and fill my mind with his words. He gave me a new purpose to live for, knowledge through the Cosmic Cube, and a chance to get revenge on those who had wronged me. Betrayed me.”

“Brother-”

“I am _not_ your brother, Thor. I never was. This is the single point that no darkness, no Titan had ever to twist or change to fit their pleasure. All I ever have been to you, to the Allfather, to Asgard was your lesser. I stood in your shadow our whole life, and any attempt to crawl out of it was met with disapproval and malice.”

Thor frowned.

“That is not true. The way you lied and schemed the whole time-”

“That is exactly what I mean.”, Loki stated, voice cold and biting as ice, eyes burning.

“I never intended to be known as the Trickster. I never wanted to be called God of Lies. But when I spoke truth, no one ever listened. My true words fell on deaf ears, may it have been you or your father. I tried time and time again, Thor, but you never listened to me. The lies, oh well, they _always_ found a way in your head, and in every other one as well. You heard what you wanted to hear, and so I told you exactly that. I let the truth bleed forth with tricks, with schemes, with lies, because it was the only way they would be heard.”

Inhaling sharply through his nose, one hand curled and uncurled with anger.

“When no one seemed to understand that you being king would end up in a total disaster, I did what I had to. You had to learn humility.”

Natasha looked at Thor with blatant interest.

“King? You?”

The Blonde nodded.

“I am the First Prince of Asgard. I would have been crowned five years ago, had Loki not interrupted the ceremony. He let Frost Giants – enemies of Asgard - in, to steal the Casket that is their source of power. Father did not let them escape again.”

This time, the eyes of the humans turned to Loki, who rolled his eyes.

“It were two, some of the weakest I found, and I had everything under perfect control. If the Allfather had not activated the Destroyer, I would have ended them myself. It is not that hard to kill two of these monsters.”, he huffed.

“Destroyer? As in, the big ugly thing that attacked Puente Antiguo?”, Clint asked.

“Loki sent it to Earth after my friends came to take me home.”

“Yeah, we knew that already. So, was this thing some defensive Bot or so?”

Loki tapped his fingers on the table. Restless, Tony thought.

“Something alike. It is only to be commanded by the King of Asgard, the wielder of Gungnir. No other being can control it. The Allfather used it to slay the Jotuns I sneaked into the weapons vault. I used it to enforce Thor's banishment and the treason his warriors committed.”

Thor spluttered.

“Treason! They wanted to help me!”

“They disregarded a direct order, given by the king himself. Under all circumstances this counts as treason.”, Loki said calmly.

“Wait. The Destroyer reacts only to the king. That means, if Loki could control it...”, Steve mused loudly and the dark-haired god nodded.

“I was king. By line of succession, by all rights. I did not usurp the throne, as half of Asgard surely thought, I was _appointed_. When the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three defied me, they defied their rightful king and thusly I had every right to protect my kingdom.”

The Thunderer grimaced.

“It was unjustified.”

Loki shot him another sharp look.

“I had a war to avert. A war _you_ foolishly started over some petty pride. If they truly had cared they would have heeded my order and protected their realm.”

Some silent seconds later, Bruce hummed softly.  
“So you sent a basically deadly bot down here just to keep them all from coming home?”

The sorcerer huffed.

“As it seems, I was not very trustworthy, because Heimdall – the gatekeeper, so to speak – let them go, again disregarding a direct order from me. I revoked his position and he attacked me. I repeat that I was by all means King at that time. He attempted regicide. I had matters to attend, I had schemes to play, I had to secure my place as I had found out to be adopted mere hours before. I could not be bothered with some petty childish dislike. There was more at stake then _friendship_. I needed time, and it wasn't as if I ordered it to kill. I sent it to destroy and hinder Thor from coming back.”, he spit.

“Oh yes, Thor told us you were adopted when we had captured you after Stuttgart.”, Tony remembered.

“Who are you then? Some low-born Asgardian farmer?”

Loki pressed his lips together in a firm line. A crease sat in his forehead as he stared at his hands, and no word left his lips.

“Lokes, whatever it is, it can't be that bad. You're still you, still human... well, as human as you can be with being a god...”, his fiancée joked and Loki closed his eyes as sardonic grin spread onto his lips.

“But you see, that is the point. I never was. I _am_ the monster all the Aesir fear. I was born to the race that attempted to coat your precious Earth in another ice age. Not just that, I was born to the king himself, and then have been cast out because I am imperfect. I am a runt, and unworthy to live between them as I was unworthy in Asgard. I was kept as a pawn to be played when Odin thought it fitting, to be sat upon the throne that would have been mine by birth if I just was a bit taller, to be exiled into a barren and cold realm, to _unite_ our kingdoms.”, he sneered.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

“I think you're tall enough already. Any more and Tony would have to resize the doors.”

The gods were the only ones who did not grin at that, and the fact that they did not eradicated the humour in mere moments.

“Whatever. You're no monster.”, Tony repeated. Loki shook his head.

“You do not know what you speak of.”

“Then tell me already, seeing as I don't understand. What could be so bad that you hide it?”

“Tony.”, Bruce said, softly as ever. The sorcerer understood the implication, heavy in this one word. He knew how it was to live with something inside you. Something dark and dangerous.

“It's the only way for me to cope with the fact that I am one of the savage beasts that asgardian parents tell their children of, tales of horror and dread. When Thor was banished, Odin fell into the Odinsleep, Mother feared he could never awake again, I sat on a throne I never wanted, distrusted and disliked, a war on the threshold, and so much unanswered questions on my mind. There was no second in which I had been able to really think, to plan, to arrange. In my fright, I went to Jotunheim again, bargained with their king, whom I now knew to be my _father_ -”, and wow, could that word sound disgusting if spilled forth with enough hatred - “and led them into the palace, just to kill him and prove worthy to the man who raised me as his son, whom I still thought loved me a little bit.”

“And then you tried to destroy their realm.”

Loki exhaled, tense and oh so controlled, and Tony reached for his hand again. The gods fingers trembled under his, unsure and lost, and the engineer took them and kissed them as gently as he could.

“I thought if I could just extinguish all of them, it would be enough to win back his love. To be as worthy of it as you always have been, Thor. To prove that I count myself his son, not that of that wretched Frost Giant who left me to die because I am so _small_ and so _tiny_. I underestimated the whole extend of Odin's plans. He rejected me, and I saw no need to further torture myself. I let go and hoped to never surface again. I just wanted to end it all.”, he whispered, broken and lost, eyes glued to the table.

“I fell for aeons. There was but darkness, and memories. Death did not claim me, and when I finally came out of eternal loneliness, I fell into the grasp of the Tesseract, saw her knowledge, saw her _truth_ and let out the monster that was hidden for so long. I wanted them to see what truly had lived between them for so many years, what Odin had hid. All I had been had been cast out, my sanity as well as my mind. I had no true intention to win over this planet. The agent I believed to be dead by my hand was right. I lacked conviction.”

He rubbed his temple, trying to push back all that was stirred up once again, trying to tone down the fear that rose inside him as he thought of the Other, of Thanos, of the threat they were to this world, and his own role in bringing them here.

“They will come for me, as I failed to get them the Cosmic Cube. I let their army be defeated by some measly humans, and they will want revenge for that. And while they're at it, they will turn this world into a barren rock, killing all it's inhabitants, because Thanos believes himself to be in love with Mistress Death. He gifts her lives, as many as he can find, and apparently she likes Heroes themost. You'd do well to find a way to either get rid of him, or to leave and never turn back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First take on Loki saying what he had on his heart for a very long time. There will be still more, with sole Thor-Loki-talk next chapter.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments, I am so in love with you all and my heart swells with pride everytime you tae the time to write me <3  
> Thanks as well to all the Kudo'ers and Bookmarkers!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor get clear. More or less, that is.  
> Thor was really able to keep a secret, and Tony wanted to marry rather sooner than later, so hey, take some wedding, too!

 

 

Norns, it had been exhausting.

To fight back the terror, the rising panic, the fear had been hard, almost unmanageable, and Loki was ever so glad when the Avengers finally ceased their endless questions and let him be.

Thor had watched him the whole time, eyes burning holes into his head, practically oozing the confusion and sadness, the lack of understanding why Loki had acted as he had. _Still_.

Standing in the kitchen, waiting for his tea to infuse to perfection, he let the constant murmur from the living room fade away and concentrated on his breathing, on his magic, on feeling like himself. When he turned around to take a seat at the table, Thor already stood in the doorway, watching him, and it had Loki jumping and loosing most of the hot liquid, spilling it on his hands.

“Ouch! Goddammit, Thor! When the hell have you learned to be quiet for a change?”, he seethed, letting his magic wash over his fingers and heal the damaged skin.

“I apologize, it was not my intention to spook you.”

Grumbling, the sorcerer sat down and eyed the miserable rest of his beverage.

“Brother, would you allow me to ask you a few questions?”

“I am not your brother.”, he answered, but then relented.

“Ask. If you are able to listen, perhaps you will hear the truth from my mouth this time.”

The blond god sat down besides him and sighed.

“You were never my lesser, Loki. You were my brother, my sibling, my friend. Why did you think me to be your better?”, he asked, eyes searching. Pleading for answers.

“When you picked a sword as a weapon, choosing contact with your enemies, they praised you for braveness and strength. When I chose a spear, balancing out attack and defence, they derided me. When I mastered knifes, showing them I was not afraid to get near to my opponents, I was laughed at for picking a children's weapon. You were given the weapon fit for a king, Mjölnir, and I learned how to kill from a distance, with a blade as small as a leaf. Where you were loved by everyone, I was constantly mistrusted. Where you made friends, I made enemies. Your shine stole away all the light, and what remained was a shadow I grew up in. You were the crown prince, I was only the second child. The first time I used my magic consciously, the warriors whispered about me being different. They spun forth tale after tale, to mock me as I grew to control the seiðr I had within me. I am able to wield a spear, my knifes and my magic better than any of them ever could dream of, and I still was belittled for being a weak, meagre boy who would be better off to stay at home when the grown-ups would go battle.”

Thor frowned.

“I never believed you to be weaker than any of us.”

Loki did not look at him. He grasped his cup and looked at the window, before uttering the words that still burned inside him.

“ _Some do battle, others just do tricks._ ”, he said softly, content as Thor flinched.

“You did not need to make fun of my strength, it was enough that you would not acknowledge my skills, even if it was me who got us out of situations most of the time.”

“Why did you mention Jane when you forced me to fight you?”, the other blurted out, hands flat on the table.

“It hurt. To know you changed because a simple girl barely out of childhood had you listen, when I failed to get you to do so for centuries... I wanted to make you hurt the same, to let you feel the same pain you inflicted to me. _She_ was worthy to be heard? A mortal, a human? Then why, pray tell, why have I never been? And I wanted you to fight me, the words just were too perfect to get you enraged.”

The older one was silent for some time, before Loki spoke again.

“I loved you, Thor. I still do. More dearly than you will ever know, but we will never be the same as we were before. Odin broke me, and the Void shattered what was left. We are no brothers. We were raised together, but that is all. I have risked myself over and over again for you, have tricked and lied, to get your skin out of trouble. When _you_ promised Freyja to that disguised giant who wanted to built Asgard's wall, I took the blame for it and found a way to win that bet. And let's not forget who exactly is to blame for loosing Mjölnir to a dwarf, with Freyja as a bride – once again – and who out of us two came up with the brilliant idea to dress you up as her. And, just to let you know, they were furious at you for killing that Frost Giant they set up, and after you left, they blamed it on me. Again. The dwarves are resilient to magic, and so they overwhelmed me and _stitched my lips together_. And I let them, so you could escape and with your reputation intact. Because you would be the one to sit on the throne one day.”

The look on Thor's face was worth every word, every pain and every bitter memory.

“You should have told someone. You did not have to save me like that.”, he said, voice small and tense.

“Do not believe for a second that I did it out of sheer goodness. I am not a nice person, I am not _good_ like you. I serve my interests first, as always, and it just happened you were the one destined to rule Asgard, saving me the trouble to look out for an entire realm. That suited me well, and the better your standing, the better my chances to escape that fate. We may have reached an understanding, but do not make the mistake of thinking I like you any better now than I have then. For all my love, there are bridges too broken to mend. We have crossed more than enough already. I tried to kill you, and even if I regret that to an extend, I cannot say if I would truly act any different given the circumstances.”

Sighing heavily, Loki looked up to meet disappointed blue eyes. He had to get that clear now. There was no way for them to just get back to something that had never been there. Thor would never understand Loki's nature, too good to get the idea of taking what needed and achieving through morally not completely correct ways.

“As you so aptly put it that day in Jotunheim: I know my place now. That place was never at your side. It was not even in Asgard, or Jotunheim at all. It is here, amongst mortals, amongst mere humans. At Tony's side, for he listens to me in a way nobody has ever done before. The question now is: do you know yours?”

Loki stood up, and left without looking back.

 

 

Tony found him hours later in the gym. He had asked Steve and Natasha for some sparring, and both had done their best, but Loki was seething with old memories, and an injured animal was much more dangerous than a healthy one. They had been flat on their back in seconds, even without the use of magic, and Loki had shooed them away in fear of really hurting them.

He could have used the Hulk. But he liked Banner too much to force him to bear the monster just for his sake.

“Hey, sweet pea. Feeling any better?”

Panting, the god turned to look at him, tired and sad and still lost.

“Not really. I just can't seem to get the frustration out of my system.”

The engineer came up to him and pressed his smaller body onto his lithe form.

“Perhaps you need another outlet. Come up again, they're gone for the day, and I believe there are still some things you need to get off your chest.”

The taller one huffed once, closed his eyes and nodded.

“Fine.”, and with that, he teleported them both into the Penthouse, holding tight to the human. Ground under their feet again, Tony groaned and pressed a hand to his stomach, which had Loki chuckling.

“Gods, if that is what Apparation feels like, I'm glad to be a muggle.”

“You'll get used to it. Perhaps.”

“Oh no, don't think you'll get me to being moved like that ever again. No way in hell.”

Plopping down on the couch, Tony asked Jarvis to play them some movie – Loki already knew it, but liked it all the same, so it was all right with him – and pulled his lover down also, spooning them together, letting his chin rest on ebony hair.

“Rest a bit, Bambi. I'm here, we're good, and you need it.”

When fingers started to caress his scalp, the god relaxed a bit.

“Thank you, Tony.”, he whispered, getting a kiss to his head as an answer. He smiled, and before the credits rolled, he was dead to the world.

 

 

“Jane, my love, there is someone I need you to meet.”

Loki rolled her eyes. She had only five minutes left before she would need to leave for the hair-thingy Pepper had scheduled, and now her godforsaken brother had to spill the 'secret'?

They entered the living room while she searched for her purse, shades and coat, ready to depart.

“Hi, Solveig.”, the human woman greeted her, got a silent response in form of a waved hand and turned to Thor.

“So, who's it?”

The oaf just grinned and looked at Loki with a gleeful gaze, which had Jane irritated.

“Thor, darling, we've met a thousand times already. It's Solveig, she's engaged to Tony, Iron Man. Have you hit your head?”

Thor opened his big mouth when Pepper entered.

“Good, you're ready. I _had_ hoped Tony would not rub off on you.”

Loki snorted.

“Please. I'm hardly that easy to bend. I think _I_ disciplined _him_ rather well these last years. He _has_ attended a lot of your meetings, hasn't he?”

Pep snorted amused.

“Oh yes, and remind me to thank you later on. Let's go now. Oh, hi Jane, Thor, nice to see you!”

“Hi and bye, it seems. So, again, Thor. Who is this mystery person you want me to see?”

The god attempted a second try to explain, and Loki interrupted.

“It's me. Yes, I know. He's quite slow sometimes. Do not give me that look, Jane, I am more as entitled to insult him. I had to bear him for over a millenium, now. So, once again, hello, Miss Foster, it's nice to meet you, I'm not the one you think me to be, everyone knows already.”

She stopped at the blatant lack of understanding in the others face, before she registered Peppers wide grin.

“Oh, she _really_ does not know...? How utterly interesting that you for once were able to keep a secret, _Brother_.”, she added, and now comprehension blossomed in Jane's face.

“Brother?”, she asked, wide eyed and retreating just a step.

Loki smirked and nodded.

“I'm sorry, had I known I would have made sure to wear the appropriate clothing that would support my shifting into the male body I was born in, but as I am off to get my hair done for the wedding, female garb it is today. Oh, I know!”, she said, smiling brightly and snapped her fingers once. A decidedly male Loki appeared besides her, same look on his face.

“I am Loki, not longer of Asgard and more of Midgard... to be precise, seeing as I spend most of my time here, I would appear to be Loki of Stark Tower.”, he said, raising an eyebrow in thought.

Female Loki winked and waved a hand as she approached the elevator together with Pepper, who fell just short of breaking down in giggles.

“Have fun! Toodles!”

Jane looked utterly terrified for a second, before her mouth was set in a firm line, brows knit, and she boxed Thor. Very hard.

Male-Loki chortled a bit.

“How the _hell_ could you keep this from me? I mean, are you out of your mind? First he sends that metal thing after you and practically kills you, and after that he wants to bring down the whole planet? What're his plans now? Rule earth from beneath Tony Stark, seeing as that one already has his fingers in way too much cookie jars?”, she asked, incredulous and seething, while the Loki-Illusion broke down in laughter (and with him, the female one entering the car down in the basement, too).

She sent him a glare that could have been frightening if not for Thor's look.

“Perhaps you should inquire as to why he has kept his silence. As it stands, I mean no harm to one of you or your home, nor Earth. I _have_ tried to blend in without being found out for the last years.”

“Yeah, and you did _so_ well with that, Rudolph. Where's my wife-to-be?”, a voice from behind the kitchen rang out, before Tony entered, mug in hand, and placed a kiss on Loki's lips, who smiled against them.

Jane gaped like a fish on land, which had Loki giggling once again.

“I'm on my way to that coiffeur Pepper threatened me with two days ago. Thor just chose now of all times to come clear to his lady.”

“Wait, so this is one of your illusions? Ooh, touchable! Nice one, Lokes. Do you think we could try that one out sometime?”, the engineer wanted to know, prodding the body in front of him with soft pokes.

Jane flushed scarlet.

“What the hell is going on here? I thought he was a wanted war criminal, not our best friend! And why are you so okay with that? She – he... whatever, lied to you! For four years!”

Tony chuckled and sipped his coffee.

“Yes, well, you know, he tried to. Loki did not know that we're not normal and knew it to be him from the start. So, it's okay, I'm more surprised that he still seems to be able to stand me. For good measure, he started to slack in his attempts to hide his identity. It was not that hard to see when you're around him 24/7. That gala when Solveig practically fled after Thor started with the petition for a lessened sentence? So easy to see through. Even if the lie that followed was pretty good.”

She stared at them some more, and Loki fizzled a bit.

“So, I am all for multitasking, but as you know, the female body is not as able to hold it's magic. Have fun, be nice, stay out of trouble, be alive when I come home, or I'll find a way to bring you back as a cockroach.”, he said, kissing Tony again, who grinned.

“Love you too, sweet pea.”

 

 

The wedding turned out to be a very quiet affair. The two reporters Pepper had allowed to attend came up for the official part, and vanished shortly after they had taken a picture of the whole wedding party. Frigga had come down to earth, presenting Loki with something that had her almost cry in joy (almost, mind you. She held back as best as she could, but there was some serious happy glint in her eyes). Thor called it Brísingamen, and Bruce remembered a story from the Edda, in which Loki had stolen it and lost it again in a fight against Heimdall. The God of Thunder explained it to be the necklace of Freyja, goddess of almost everything, including love, beauty, seiðr, and fertility, and was told to be a good omen if worn when wedded. Loki wore the jewellery with pride, and it complimented her perfectly, as if made just for her.

Pepper had sniffled the whole time, muttering how Tony finally was acting like the responsible adult he should be, until someone pointed out to her that the genius was marrying some crazy Norse god who had tried to kill them some odd years back, was able to rule out almost every physical rule applied to Earth, and change gender at will.

When they were officially married, a party had started, with lots of alcohol, dancing, jokes and some horribly embarrassing games Jane had come up with (as revenge for being the only one being left in the dark about Loki), before Tony and Loki were given their wedding presents. It was like Christmas – speaking of, that would take place three weeks later – just a bit early.

All of them had searched in Jarvis' files for pictures and had designed the biggest and funniest photo album ever, starting with that gala at the Museum so long ago, ending with a very recent picture of them snuggling together in front of the mantle, both male.

Frigga had embraced both her children, smiling as only a mother could, but with a deep glint of mischief that Tony was sure had made it's way to Loki without the need of blood relationship.

“My precious child.”, she had said, cupping Loki's face and kissing her forehead lovingly, “may your life be filled with joy and love. May your husband care for you as you shall care for him, and may your ways never part again. You shall count this as your endowment.”

They had all frowned at that. Loki surely did not need a dowry, and Tony was starting to protest, when Frigga placed a wooden basket in front of the sorceress.

“I thank you, Mother, for your gift, but I do not understand. It is gift enough to share this day with you.”, she said, but the Queen of Asgard just sat there smiling, indicating her to lift the light cloth which covered its content.

They were a lot more confused when the basket turned out to be filled with apples. At least, it seemed to be apples, unnaturally and deep red, like chilli peppers, and not as round as the ones one could by at the store.

“Are these Röd höstkalvill?”, Loki asked doubtfully, before picking one up and smelling it. She closed her eyes and smiled. The scent of strawberries filled her nose.

“They are. Wherever did you find them?”

“Wait a moment, what the hell are Röd... Höstills... whatever. I have never seen apples like this...”, Tony wanted to know and took one as well.

Loki chuckled.

“These are apples that no one sane grows nowadays, but they were very popular some centuries ago in middle Europe. I have eaten them while in Germany around 1500, in Stuttgart, to be precise. What a coincidence.”

“You may want to know that these are not from Midgard, child.”

Green eyes widened a bit and the bride snatched the apple from Tony's hand immediately.

“Hey! Wanted to taste them.”, he pouted.

“They are of Asgard?”, Thor asked, unbelieving. His mother nodded.

“I collected them after I visited Freyja and asked for Brísingamen.”

Loki's eyes still were wide, and still hefted to the apple she held. Her free hand covered her mouth, shaking almost unnoticeable.

“They are real?”, she whispered under her breath, barely audible. When she looked up, her face was emitting amazement.

“I fed you one when Odin brought you home. And as not many know of their existence, nobody will act upon it if you and your own would choose to indulge.”

Thor frowned, as their friends looked confused.

“Why have I never seen them before?”

“What are they?”, Natasha asked, “and should we even think about eating one of them?”

The sorceress smiled brightly at her mother, then glanced back at Tony.

“You should take your time first, I believe. It would... alter your lives. Beyond your imaginations.”

“Tell us already, we're dying of curiosity!”, Clint begged, Steve and Bruce nodded in agreement.

Pepper raised an eyebrow before gasping.

“Oh my god! Don't tell me these are these mystical apples that make the eater immortal!”

All eyes turned on her, and Frigga let her bell-like laughter ring out.

“Not at all, dear. Immortality is but a legend, even to us. If one eats the apples, they gain the traits of the Aesir, the longevity, the strength.”

A very stunned silence ensued. Even the breathing seemed to have stopped for a moment.

“You brought us apples which will make us practically like you.”, Jane stated, voice clearly holding traces of 'Please reply so I could actually start thinking this might not be a joke'.

“So it would seem.”, Frigga replied cheerful.

Tony grabbed Loki's hand and gently pulled her upright.

“Could I have a moment, sweet pea?”

When they left for the kitchen, chatter broke out in the living room, but the sorceress did not listen, as her husband – husband!! - pressed her against the counter and held her firmly by the waist.

“So let me get that resumed. Your mother, Queen of Asgard, a goddess, just bestowed a bunch of apples to us which will make us live as long as you folks do just by eating it?”

She nodded slowly, big, green and innocent eyes blinking softly up into his questioning ones, fingers dancing lightly against his arms.

“And... when exactly would you have told us about this?”

The woman pouted.

“It's not as if I knew about them before. I'm as surprised as you are. Not that I had not thought about possibilities and ways to make you more... lasting, I'll give you that. I surely would have found some way.”

“And would you have given me a choice?”

She sighed.

“Of course. It is still your life, no matter how selfish I might be and how badly I want to keep you by my side. If you don't want to eat one, I will accept your choice. I may not like it, but I will accept it. Just... promise me you think about it at the very least.”

Tony snatched her hands and kissed them.

“You, you crazy alien sorcerer bitch, just got me offered the chance of a lifetime _and_ confirmed your ridiculously huge heart and love by promising me to let me die in my own time if I wanted to and leave you all alone?”, he asked softly, squeezing her hands while kissing every single knuckle. Loki swallowed heavily and nodded.

“I will not force you to live longer than you are comfortable with. If I have to settle with one human lifetime, I will savour every moment I have with you for the rest of your life, and then will live on with these memories as cherished treasures and be thankful for them.”

And even if this thought let her eyes burn with tears at that and let her heart clench painfully, she meant every word.

Damn, way to kill the own wedding day.

Tony groaned and closed his eyes before clamping his mouth shut on hers, leaning more against Loki and effectively pressed her closer to himself as he laid her hands on his shoulders to grab her and fiercely snogged his wife.

“You think we could vanish somewhere for some quality time as spouses?”

She sniggered, but shook her head, ruffling his hair.

“I believe they would be a bit cross if we left just now. And I would like to see Mother off, I have not seen her for so long. I enjoy having her around.”

The engineer sighed heavily and stepped away to give the god some room to move, straightening his jacket before holding out his arm.

“Then come on, Mrs. Stark, I believe there are some apples to eat.”

Loki never would have thought herself capable of smiling as brightly as Tony could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely feedback!  
> And, oh yes, I sure as hell had to give them the chance to live a while longer. I admit to being someone who does not accept our Norsies being lonely again or dying sooner than they would have before. Ahem. I'm not sorry in the least. I wanted to go with the tablet displayed in the weapons vault up in Asgard, but it just did not fit, so I had to come up with the apples again. If you like, google the apples, I sure as hell would love to taste them sometime.
> 
> And please don't be affronted by Tony's use of name calling, I just imagine them both to be above being mad at names. Tony doesn't mean it and Loki knows how not to take it. (This is partly because I am like that, too. I call my fiancée all sorts of bad names, and he calls me names, too. It's our form of expressing love. Well.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apples, uninvited guests during the honeymoon, and then some more.  
> When alone, one can open up.

 

 

Thor had already consumed one of the strange apples, dying to know how they tasted, and seeing as he always ate whatever came his way, Loki was not very surprised.

“They do not taste like apples at all, Mother. More like berries from bushes. And will something change for me, too?”

“It is astounding how you still go with anything before even thinking about possible consequences.”, Loki deadpanned, shooting him a look which was returned with gleeful satisfaction. Idiotic brute.

“Children. Behave yourselves, it is a shame watching you.”, Frigga scolded them sternly, earning chuckles from around, while both Loki and Thor ducked minimally.

“No, Thor, there will be nothing changing for you, as you are Aesir by birth. These apples will bring forth the potential in a human being, expanding it and enhancing it. Seeing as we are a 'higher race', so to speak and without any indication of feeling better than you, just a bit more evolved, they will alter your inborn capabilities to fit those the Aesir share. It will gain you longevity, strength, a higher endurance as well as stamina, injuries, if injured at all, will heal much quicker than before, and the risk of catching illness or maladies will decrease significantly. They gave you, Loki, what we already shared, because I knew I could never willingly part with you after I had you cradled to my chest for the first time. Jotuns live long, but they will never reach the life span of an Aesir. I made you my child with one of these.”

Loki swallowed.

“And you brought enough of them to feed the whole staff.”

The Queen shrugged.

“Idunn practically begged me to take them, the poor tree had not been harvested in quite some time, as it is the best kept secret in the nine realms, even if some magpie managed to get word down on Midgard, and though I originally planned just for one, I will not worry much when leaving more of them in your hands.”, and that was mostly an invitation to chuck them out to the others and not just Tony. Well.

Clearing her throat, the sorceress took one of the apples and instantly furrowed her brows as she noticed the dwindled number of fruits in the basket. There was a collective 'crunch' from behind her as apparently all of them (sans Rhodey and Happy, why, she did not know, she should ask Tony later...) bit into an apple, and Loki sighed defeated as Thor beamed and Frigga chuckled.

“Personally, I would have advised you to take a few days to think about the implications and repercussions eating one of those would entail first, but hey, whatever floats your boat.”, she said, but could not suppress a giddy and positively blissful feeling that grew in her belly.

Not to forget the ridiculous amount of mischief this little action carried within itself. Odin would be furious. She already could hear his rage thrumming in her ears. A smirk settled on Loki's lips.

“Yeah, you see, there are already two more or less immortal humans, and one god in the team, it would be a shame to let the Avengers fall apart when Clint, Tasha and me have to retire because of old age.”, Tony grinned.

Loki smiled sardonically.

“Oh, I do not believe Miss Romanoff would ever quit. How old are you again, dear?”

The red-head groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Not nearly as old as you are.”

“But not that much younger than our Captain, aren't you?”

Natasha pouted at being called 'old', while the others just stared at her, dumbstruck.

“It would be really just you and Clint, dear, who would ever retire because of 'old age', as you so deftly put it. Tasha's probably outliving all of us.”, the sorceress snorted and put the apple back.

When her husband and the merry band of misifts got back the use of their brains, they attacked the russian with questions, and the look she shot Loki promised vengeance. Painful vengeance.

Loki smirked back and waved, before rearranging the wide dress that Pepper had forced her in to sit down again.

“That was not nice.”, Frigga said to her, and the little boy in her came out again.

“I'm sorry.”, she said almost sheepishly.

“You're not!”, Clint snickered before teasing Natasha a bit more.

“She can handle it, she's a big girl already!”, Loki called back.

Her mother smiled.

 

 

It had taken Pepper and Steve ages to force the promise out of Jane, Loki, Tony and Bruce not to go off to the lab the second Frigga left to dissect one of the apples and get it's secret out of it. They laid in on thick and smothered them with niceness, cake, drinks and compliments, but it did not help as Jarvis had allied with Pepper behind their backs and closed off the lab for the day.

Rhodey had dug out another embarrassing game to take their minds of whatever research they wanted to do, and got the party back on.

Sometime later, Tony requested his bride to turn into his groom, so he could have a chance at ogling his behind without it being covered with layers of cloth. Loki complied, glad to get out of the dress.

“So much better.”, the god sighed after re-entering, clad in a normal suit.

“Oh hell yes.”, the engineer said, throwing his arms around his middle and pulling them together.

Hard.

Loki felt his breath being pressed out of him and acknowledged it with a soft 'huff', while his husband raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“You probably should be a bit more careful. There seem to be some... _increases_ to your vigour, love.”, the god all but purred, looking down on Tony and being met with a very aroused gaze. Damn him, but the thought of letting go completely while in the arms of his lover, without having to hold back or fear injuring him did things to Loki he had not anticipated. A shiver ran down his spine as fingers dug into his sides, stronger than he was used to. Demanding little thing, he thought.

“And that's the cue. Thanks for the party, Good Night!”, Rhodey said, patted the engineer on the shoulder and left without another word.

The rest followed suit.

“Pity. You pull off a suit perfectly.”, Tony said, already tearing the fabric off Loki's body, who grinned and claimed his lips for a fierce kiss.

“Now, about that quality time you mentioned earlier today...”, the taller man said and was promptly cut off.

“No more talking. Bedroom. Now.”

 

 

That night had not left much room for nightmares or panic attacks, and both Loki and Tony looked seriously shagged out the next morning when they entered the kitchen, which was already alive with chatter and talk from the Avengers. Tony frowned.

“When the hell did my kitchen become your new meeting room? Privacy, anyone?”

“No thanks, I'm good.”, grinned Clint and sipped his coffee.

“Let them be, they're providing you with caffeine.”, Loki yawned, before getting himself a helping of Bruce's tea.

“Yeah, but it's _my_ caffeine to begin with, and Jarvis can operate the machine well on his own!”, the engineer pouted. Steve and Natasha snickered.

The sorcerer shot him a look.

“Shut up and cease to be that cranky. It's not my fault that you're tired. Oh wait, yes, it is.”

Tony's lips spread into a wide grin.

“Ooh, yes, it is. Totally your fault, Mr. Stark.”

Loki smirked back. Clint groaned.

“Oh please, get a room.”

“And that brings us back to the original question.”, the billionaire stated smugly, “what are you doing in my kitchen, after my wedding night, and at a time that theoretically could be considered my honeymoon?”

Bruce smiled, before answering.

“Fury called. He wants to get over the weaknesses of Thanos once again. Or if you know when they will come for you. Or anything else, really.”

Loki groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Let me guess, he'll arrive sometime soon? Already waits in the living room?”

“No way, not now! We've barely slept! I could still be drunk!”, Tony ranted.

“I'm fairly sure you have attended meetings more inebriated, Stark. Get your ass in some pants and get it out here, and take that husband of yours with you.”, the unwanted voice of SHIELD's Director called them from aforementioned living room, and some grumbling followed.

“That was our call. I would hurry a bit if I were you, otherwise I am to ensure you attend the briefing. Get to it, boys.”, Natasha said, finishing her coffee and smiling nicely.

They complied without another word.

 

 

Loki was nearing a major breakdown half an hour into the meeting.

All the questions threw him back again, pulled him closer to the darkness, let him remember his state of absolute insanity, and only Tony's hand on his let him focus enough to not get lost again.

“Yeah, could you stop being an ass for two minutes and let him cope? I mean, look at Loki for a second. He's totally out of it.”, he said, glaring at Fury, who returned it with equal force.

“It's okay. I'm fine.”, the dark haired god whispered and concentrated a bit more. Focus. Tony was at his side. All was well. There was no imminent threat. Thanos and the Other would not again gain control over him.

“No way you are all right. You're almost breaking my hand.”

Loki let go immediately and flinched back. By the Norns, he was in dire need of countenance. This blatant loss of self-control was humiliating and not helping at all.

“What about the Tesseract? Has he any way of obtaining it?”

“Fury!”, Tony bellowed, but the trickster gave him a sharp look. He grumbled and leant back, grudgingly. Loki waved his right hand, and the sceptre he had obtained while under the 'care' of the Other manifested on the table. Clint flinched, and the god was almost sorry that he had to inflict these memories again.

Fury got to his feet in less than two seconds and drew his gun.

“If you so much as look at that thing the wrong way, you'll have a bullet in your face.”

“Try and fail, Director.”, he retorted, before pointing to the crystal. It was dark, without light, whereas it had been glowing brightly with the Tesseract's energy before.

“It's not connected. Thanos has a more or less direct link to the Tesseract, I do not know why. He offered me the sceptre, enforced with a shard of the Cosmic Cube, with which I was able to open the portal first to your world, to come here, and then open the wormhole to the Chitauri's base. As the Tesseract is now contained by Odin himself, the connection is broken. They can't link with each other. As long as Asgard is safe, the Cube will not be used by the Mad Titan. In the unlikely event that the security of the weapon's vault lessens, and he may be able to access her, the sceptre will become active again. Monitor it, and you have your answer.”

“What about you? What assurance can you give us that you won't betray us the second they arrive? I'm still not entirely sure what your game really entails.”, Fury said, eye fixed on Loki and staring at him as hard as steel. Loki responded with the same adamant attitude, mixed with a bit ice-cold hatred.

“Whatever the word of the Liesmith himself is worth in your book, but before I ever lay a hand on the Tesseract again, or ally with one or the other, I will fulfil the prediction your Edda is so clear at and tear apart the Nine Realms, for that would be the small mercy I could give the world when forced to choose between total destruction and being conquered by the Titan.”

It shut up Fury, and the rest of the team as well. When he willingly would end everything, and no one doubted he could when his mind was set on the task, and would see it as _mercy_ , there was no way Loki would ever end up as their opponent with his mind intact.

Tony's hand forced it's way back into his, and squeezed hard. The implication was heavy, and all the more important. _You're not alone. We'll do this together._

He could almost believe it.

But there was the cold hand on his neck again. Loki went rigid in a heartbeat, gripping the table so hard the wood crunched under his fingers.

“ _We do not have need of the Tesseract to destroy you.”_

He was sucked into the coldest part of the universe he ever had the misfortune to visit, and that included the frosty wasteland they called Jotunheim.

There he was again, standing on that rock, stairs on one side. The Other stood in front of him and it was like no time had passed since the last time. Loki practically felt his mind slip away from him.

“You were fortunate to have escaped the Tesseract's power for so long, little God. But we have found you, and we will come for you.”, the creature said.

“I am surrounded by the same humans who have defeated your Chitauri. What makes you think that any harm may befall me?”, Loki answered, he at least had to try and stand up against them. Keep your head in check, Trickster. This is but an illusion. You are still in the Tower.

The Other emitted a sound that could pass for a chuckle, but it was darker, more dangerous, and raspy.

“When they leave, and they will, as all have done with you, there will be no force in the universe which can protect you. _He_ will find you and then you will suffer the whole extend of his wrath.”

 

 

~~~~~~

 

“Hey, I think I have seen this before. When he was... controlling me. He didn't look very happy when he came out of it again.”

“Is this some kind of panic attack? I mean, he's so calm, as if he were just sleeping.”

“Normally, his panic attacks consist of an awful amount of screaming, kicking, clawing and some language neither I nor Jarvis can identify. This is... concerning.”, Tony said, while combing through black strands of hair with his fingers.

They had relocated to the couch when Loki had more or less collapsed on his chair. His eyes fell close, his shoulders sagged, and then he was out like a light. No shaking or calling him got his consciousness back to the present.

“I'm still not convinced that this is not some kind of trick, He had a lot of places to choose from, and he came back here? What for? He would have known to come across you sooner or later.”, Fury stated, arms crossed, eye fixated on the god lying on the couch, head in Tony's lap.

“Don't know either. He never told me exactly, I never asked. Some sort of the defeated returns to the point of defeat, injured pride or the like, no one would ever think he would want that. But I have seen him – or her, really – trashing around when a nightmare struck, and I was the one who coaxed him to come back to me after them. These were not faked, Nick. He's deathly afraid of what will come, and I am seriously shitting myself if even Loki, a honest to god _God_ is in panic.”

“Then get everything out of him. Whatever he might know could save your ass.”

With that, Fury left.

 

~~~~~~

 

It was dark outside when Loki opened his eyes again. He felt tired, so tired, as if all his strength had been sucked out. A crooked smirk settled on his lips. Well, The Other surely was a leech. He sought out the power Thanos supplied, and did not even see how he was used as Loki had been.

“Hey, princess. Awake again?”, Tony's voice rang out from behind the bar.

“Still sleeping, I'm afraid.”

The footsteps were light as the shorter man came over to drape himself over the couch as well, drink in hand.

“You totally zoned out on us. What's wrong? Katniss said it happened before, too. In the underground hole you hid.”

“It seems I have some remote connection to the Tesseract due to the amount of energy I absorbed and what fluctuated between me and the sceptre. Thanos and the Other are able to contact me through this link, and they do so like to hurl their opponents back to their little rock in the deepest pit of the universe.”

“So, they mind-napped you?”

“Something like that.”

Tony nursed his glass for a while, before sighing.

“You don't have some sweet little weakness on him stashed away somewhere in your brain?”

Loki laughed without any trace of amusement.

“I had other things to worry about than betraying the one who gave me an opportunity to get vengeance on those who wronged me. And somehow it did not seem to be that important to get to know my ally as well as the last ones, seeing as I was set on destruction, knowing I would be dead by the end of the whole ordeal, no matter the outcome.”

His husband spit out the sip he just had taken, worry in his eyes.

“What the hell? One time wasn't enough?”

“Oh please, think about it for a second. Had I succeeded and sat upon your realm as king, Odin surely would have sent his armies to free it from my rule again. Thor's pet planet is not mine to play with. He would have made it a statement, and would have me killed for my betrayal. In the likely event that I would lose the gamble, either a force of yours would have ended me – even if the chances for that were slim at best – or Thanos made good on his promise and would punish me when I failed them. Every outcome I thought about ended with me dying in some way or other. Pestering some other being, admittedly much more powerful than me, and able to crush me in a heartbeat, about a way to off him was not at the top of my list.”

The engineer still stared at him in bafflement, brown eyes blown wide. The sorcerer sighed.

“Tony... I let myself fall from the broken Bifröst aware that it would most likely kill me. There was nothing I could think of in that moment that would have made me want to live any longer. Everything I had believed in was destroyed, shattered, my whole life was suddenly a lie I've lived, true to my name, and the father I believed in threw me out like a broken toy. All that happened after was fuelled of a mind fragmented into so many pieces I could not get a hold of them any more. It served but one purpose, to hurt and destroy as I was hurt and destroyed. For once, I did not think of the time after. No consequences. There was no point to think my actions through any further.”

Tony still watched him with this deep look, as if he wanted to bare his very soul and rip it apart, just to mend it back together. Loki let his eyes wander away, not capable to bear this stare any more.

“Then why come back at all? Why escape, why hide, why play this game when there is nothing for you to live for?”

It was quiet for some time. The god could feel the unyielding gaze upon him, crawling under his skin and tearing him apart layer for layer. When Loki spoke again, it was so soft Tony barely heard him.

“Nobody cages me like some mangy animal. I lost all rights to any family I ever had, and knowing myself as I do, I would have gone insane again in no time at all. Everything in Asgard kept uprooting me some more the longer I was there, so the only ways were either to die, or escape. The sole reason I was not executed the second Thor brought me back after the attack on Midgard was my mother. I would have preferred death over incarceration any time. So, as the first attempt to end my life had me loose the weapon I wield best, my mind, I decided it would be better to get out there and try to stay off their radar as long as possible than loosing my marbles for a second time and risk starting Ragnarök by accident.”

Finally, Tony scooted over to him, pressing his side to Loki's.

“Why New York? Thor told us sometime that you liked Europe best.”

The Trickster snorted softly.

“I ended up in Iceland after escaping. I would have loved staying there, perhaps Norway or Finland actually, but as Thor and Odin knew exactly where my favours lie, none of Northern Europe would be a wise choice. I had not seen New York for almost a century before flattening it, I always liked it, nobody would care to look twice at a stranger, and no one, not even you, would have expected me to come back to the place of defeat ever again. It seemed foolproof. Of course, my rotten luck had us cross paths not even three weeks after coming here in that blasted Museum. I could have strangled you all. On the other hand, getting used to yet another new location was not in my plans any time soon, so I stayed after getting rid of Luka, switching to Solveig and hoping to never get to see you again.”

“Yeah, we're like detection dogs. We found you again pretty quickly. And you did not seem to mind, that first time we chatted about van Gogh, or am I mistaken?”

“In fact, I thought if I would end up as one of your conquests, it would rid me of all of you pretty thoroughly, as not one of them ever stayed more than one night – besides Pepper.”

“No way I would let someone like you slip through my fingers. Even if I hadn't thought you to be a much less crazy version of yourself then, I think I would have kept tabs on you, because you were pretty interesting.”

Green eyes locked with brown ones, a question asked with just a look.

“Yeeeeees, perhaps I watched you for some time after that gallery opening. Nobody believed me when I told them you were our batshit insane alien attacker, and I wanted to make sure if there was anything boiling. On the plus side, I got to stalk one of the hottest woman I ever met, someone who interested me and would be worth a second date, too.”

Loki sighed and slouched down on the couch in a messy heap of limbs, all gracefulness gone.

“I had to be really out of it, for I never would have missed someone watching me before that mess.”

“Nah, it's just New York. There are more CCTVs than one can count, and I am just able to tap all of them. No biggie.”

“You truly astound me, Anthony Stark.”

The genius grinned and messed up the curly black hair that was right in front of his nose, softly illuminated with the blue light of his arc reactor.

“That's why you married me, I hope.”

And Loki heard a trace of doubt.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't think more into the apples. They're really just my way of ensuring my boys will stay happy. The whole thing will not even be mentioned again. (And it gives me the option of later use :D)  
> And yeeees, I did a stretch with the whole Invasion-explaining-thing, but as we do not know what really happened, I had to dig something out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeeeelings. Lots of. Fluff. Be warned.  
> Loki calls Fury.  
> And of course - another heart to heart with Thor.

Loki knew he was trusted greatly. Tony had invited him into his home, into his life, into his secrets, knowing all the time it was his enemy he placed that trust into, and had done it all the same. This one question however shifted all of it into the right place.

_Is this a game, too? Just like hiding from Asgard and Thanos was a game before?_ Was the issue at hand. The Liesmith could read words and their different messages like no one else, and this one had a sparkle of doubt in it that had not been there the evening before.

Loki sighed heavily and gazed out of the window.

“Your Director questioned my motives, I presume.”

He did not get an answer, but that was answer enough for the sorcerer. He slipped completely down to the floor, the soft carpet under his bare feet strangely comforting, before leaning against the legs of his husband. He closed his eyes as the hand in his hair did not get pulled away. It soothed his own fears.

“That first night, I wanted to get rid of you with all means. I slept with you in the hopes to be a one-night-stand, nothing more, never getting near you again. That night was the first night I properly rested since Thor was banished to Midgard. There were no dreams of darkness, no Mad Titans, no disappointed parents. I still hoped to see you from a distance at the best, so I left. Then you invited me to that premiere, and Norns, that was some really strange, but oddly freeing evening. I felt so _normal_ again, as if I never had seen my skin turn blue, as if nothing ever had happened, and you were so mischievous, so like _me_. I had fun, a lot of it, and after I slept soundly again. I... started to get comfortable around you. That scared me. I have never been comfortable around anyone else besides my mother.”

Tony still played with his hair, so he turned just a tiny little bit, to lift his gaze and look him in the eyes.

“You found me in the snow and let me break down without trying to make it better with words. You just were _there_ , and that alone comforted me more than anything ever had. I felt safe with you. No one besides my mother has ever made me feel safe.” Loki added, a bit disgusted by the sheer notion that some human, mortal weakling could make him feel like that, and Tony chuckled softly, while continuing combing his fingers through thick locks.

“So you made yourself at home with me?”

“By Yggdrasil, no. Being with you meant meeting Thor on an almost daily basis, and that was something I did not want in the least. You know what happened as the thick oaf opened his mouth that evening. He almost had me freak out again. So no, the further away he was, the better I was.”

Tony leaned forward a bit, kissing his head.

“So why did you stay? I like to believe I know you a bit better than thinking it was all a ruse and some sort of very sick and twisted plot to lure us into safety before killing us all off.”

Loki did not answer immediately. Searching for the right words was something he had done way too often in his life, and yet in this situation they would make all the difference. Here he absolutely needed the truth.

And was that not a bit ironic.

“I cannot say, to be honest. I was drawn to you for a reason, and I did not realize until a few weeks later why. It was your arc reactor. I did not understand at once, but suddenly it all made so much sense. You were the only one able to counter the Tesseract's power. It's light chased away the nightmares, shut up Thanos and the Other, gave me a way out of the Void. With you, I would be protected from the creatures that would be after me for failing them.”

Oh, and he felt the engineer stiffen at that. The hand stilled it's caress, and Loki shifted a bit more.

“That was then. Since that beginning, I have changed a lot. I have stayed a woman for the better part of four years to keep my identity to myself. I almost cast away my magic for being able to stay with you. It's no longer that device in your chest that helps me get rid of my fears. It does not work without you. When you decided to keep it for my sake, I almost told you everything. But as it stands, I am a very selfish creature and do not like when my things get away from me. I wanted to keep you, for me alone, and somewhere between then and now, I noticed how amazing you truly are. What brilliance you drag along with you, how that crazy mind of yours works.” he said gently, slowly. It was frightening to bare his heart like this, and perhaps it would be another mistake, but he trusted Tony as Tony trusted him. There was no room for doubt.

“I have never lied about my emotions. Not to you. I may have lied about my history, or my person, but never about matters of the soul. I love you, Anthony. I truly do. I have never done so before, and that scares me more than I like to admit, as I have placed my love and trust mostly in the wrong people before. I do not understand why you accepted me into you life despite knowing – presuming – that I was the one who tried to kill not only you, but your friends as well. But I am grateful for it. More than mere words can describe.”

There was a sigh, and then a body slid down to accompany him on the floor. Tony found a way to entangle them in a wild heap of limbs that surely would look quite uncomfortable, but was rather nice and cuddly, all things considered.

“You know, sweet pea, you opening up like that makes me go all fuzzy inside. It's nauseating, really.”

Loki chuckled.

“Same here. Is that the reason you try to turn me into your own personal teddy bear?”

The answer he got consisted of a low grumble against his chest. Tony had folded down to him, fitting into his side like he was made for it. It was a confirmation for both of them, that the trust still existed, that the doubt had been driven out.

Loki gently touched the rim of the arc reactor through his shirt. The engineer shivered, but did not turn away any more than he had since some years ago.

“I am a bit curious, Bambi. Was Solveig real for some part or fell I in love with a very well played character?”

The sorcerer smirked and pressed his husband a bit harder to his own body.

“Solveig was a character, but she possessed some of my better traits. She was nicer and a lot more forthcoming that I would ever be, selfish bastard that I am, but somehow she merged into me pretty well. I am almost ashamed to admit it, but you nearly had me forget to play her and be less me.”

Oh, Loki could _feel_ the arrogant and self-assured grin pressing into his ribs very clearly.

“If you were as selfish as you say, you'd never helped us out with Doom or these other idiots. And you'd never have told us who you were. Ever.”

“You misunderstand. I helped you because this is my territory. As long as I live here, no one besides me may even think about restructuring. I am not fond of changing living arrangements any time soon, so anyone who dares to attack my city gets to know how unfortunate they truly were in choosing this place to attack.”

“Yeah, tell that to yourself, you may start to actually believe it, too.”

Tony laughed as he was poked to the side and flinched a bit.

“As for telling you... seriously, there never was the plan to reveal it. The fear of loosing you over that was too great, it was no option. I could not part with you. Thanos was the reason that forced my hand. Either loose you now and perhaps be able to get you out alive, or let him kill you.”

Loki swallowed heavily.

“When you pushed me away earlier this year, I decided to go, coming back from Europe. I could not handle being cast out of yet another life. My plans entailed some harmless hermitage in a solitude realm, and after some years of settling and getting my still loose affairs in order, have another go at ending my life.”

His husband groaned.

“Oh gods, really? You would have killed yourself if I had left you? Is there _nothing_ at all you'd like to live for?”

“Now there is. I enjoy my time with you. I even enjoy the time with the team, with Pepper and Jane. But there still is so much I have not come to cope with. Before you happened to attach yourself to me, I had only allies, never friends. Not even Thor I trusted enough to have my back, whatever the situation. All I ever did was trying to make Thor a better man, so that he could rule Asgard once Odin stepped down, trying to prove my own worth to the Allfather, to be acknowledged, and try not to disappoint Mother too much. There was no one I wanted to go to, no one I could go to. Life had lost its shine, its appeal. On the other side, I did not loathe the universe so much that I would risk the World's End. And before you ask, yes, there are some sayings that I will be the one to start the Apocalypse, even Mother fears so. At the moment, however, I do not feel like blowing up everything.”

Tony shifted so he could look at him, eyebrow raised and a frown on his lips.

“You have some really deep issues running, Reindeer Games. We should think of getting you to a shrink.”

Loki laughed quietly, mirth and sadness mixed in his eyes.

“That would be very interesting to explain, don't you think? Alas, I know it sounds pretty pathetic. Poor second born child, prince even, no friends, in the shadow of the big brother, no parental love, etcetera etcetera. I am over some of it already. I know there was never a chance for me to rise in the Allfather's good graces, and Thor was never really my brother, for all the love we shared. He was too self-centered and arrogant to notice the feelings of other people, and now that he has grown to be the adult he needs to be, I no longer am able to give him back what he wants. I learned to live without him, I am fine. I regret making him my enemy, to an extend, but the ways I wandered were the ones I deemed necessary at these times. Wrong or right, I do not care. I am free of Asgard, of the society I grew up in, of people who saw me as something strange, of people who never accepted my abilities. There is nothing I have to prove, here, no one I have to live up to, no one to compare me to someone else.”

“Oh hell, no. You raised your own bar pretty high already, Dasher. You are an amazing woman, and have been for the last few years. You are pretty intelligent, even Bruce was stunned by your really quick thinking and grasping our tech, your wit is _so_ refreshing, because you match my own pretty damn good, you're funny and yet so sardonic if you want to be. And now, you've added being a freaky magician to the list, bending all our rules to your will, change your own appearance. I'd think you are pretty awesome on your own, no comparison needed.”

Loki smiled softly and pressed a thankful kiss to the head in front of his chin.

“That you are still able to put up with me is a wonder on and in itself. Nobody has ever endured that much of me and my bullshit for so long before.”

The god shook his head against the unruly mop of dark brown hair, his arms encircling the smaller body, seeking his warmth.

“You are not that bad to live with. Seriously, if you had been, I would not have stayed so long.”

“For your title as Liesmith, you do not lie very convincing now, do you?”

Loki rolled his eyes and poked Tony's stomach, which earned him giggles.

“I mean it. Don't twist my words. I like it here. I like it to live with you. I _love_ living with you. Otherwise I would not have agreed on spending the rest of my life with you so easily.”

Tony's grin told him he had walked right into some kind of trap.

“I do like you saying that. Do it again. Say you love living with me. It's kinda cool, coming from an actual deity.”, he said and was answered with a laugh.

“I will not stroke your ego. It already is big enough.”

“But sweet pea, pleaaaaaaaase! I actually managed to date a god, get him – okay, her first – into my bed for a longer period of time and finally married him! I mean, that's awesome! Give me some credit! I can satisfy a divinity. Yay me!”

Loki still laughed.

“You are some crazy human being.”

Tony wriggled his eyebrows and grinned widely.

“I know. You love me for it.”

“Somehow I do.”

 

 

They had talked a lot more that evening, Loki scattering all doubts Tony might ever harbour, before getting up and calling Fury, despite his husbands protest.

“What the hell do you want? It's three in the fucking morning, Stark.”

“If you ever try to plant seeds of doubt into the mind of my husband ever again, I will make sure that you meet a very gruesome end. That said, you would be a fool to trust me, or think me to be one of your allies. I do what ever I want. I act upon my own interests alone, whatever they may be at the moment. It is not for you to know. It is my private matter, and you will not be informed. The sweet little woman you have been following around these last years will more or less disappear from now on, as I have no need of her any longer. I pose no threat, for the moment, and when something too hard for your little band of misfits comes along, I may be inclined to get rid of the idiot, if only for the sole purpose of defending my territory. That includes the impending threat of Thanos and the Other attacking, seeing as it is me they want. I have given you every little piece of information I can remember, and if you ever bring up the time I spent with the Chitauri again, be sure that I will find a way to tear out your other eye without a single trace leading to me.”

As Fury still searched for words, Loki had hung up again, immensely pleased with himself.

“This shouldn't turn me on as much as it does, really. You just promised to maim someone.” Tony said and the sorcerer shrugged.

“I am by no means a tamed animal. Nothing will cage me any more, be it Asgard or some convention here on Midgard. I am Loki. I do what I want.”

“Does not make it any better, Prancer. I _so_ am a sucker for that bad boy attitude. And hell, Fury calling you Stark was way hotter than I ever imagined.”

When the dark-haired man smiled a tad more feral than he had ever before, Tony just lost it and threw him onto the nearest wall.

“Keep that up and I'll just have to chain you to the headboard.” he growled, pinning the almost delicate wrists of his spouse to his sides, watching his grin widen. Green eyes lit up in amusement.

“Do not make promises you cannot keep, Stark.”

A pair of lips and a hard kiss shut him up.

 

 

With the security of having a place somewhere (and being loved despite having a history with truth and admittedly not caring much about anything than himself), the Other had somewhat of a hard time convincing Loki of his words. This time, he was but words until he would arrive. Seeing as Tony had done great damage to their fleet with the nuke, knowing that the Chitauri would not be a threat for the combined power of the Avengers 2.0 (as Clint dubbed them now, on behalf of the magical apples) and himself, the most skilled sorcerer of Asgard and all the other eight realms, Loki was sure the only real danger would be the Mad Titan himself. So he ordered Thor into the royal library with clear instructions, set on finding anything that was known about Thanos.

“You could just come with me and search for these books yourself.”, the Thunderer had said.

“I am not allowed into the library any more, as my status as Prince of Asgard is now revoked and you are the only Odinson. Besides that, I would not want to set foot onto that wretched realm even if I would be paid for it.”

Thor had raised his eyebrows at that, a soft smile tugging on his lips.

“Oh well, I never got around telling you what that softening really entailed, did I?”

Despite being curious as hell, the younger one turned away to get another look at one of the apples. They were a week old as of now, and numerous tests had stated that they were in fact just that.

Week-old apples.

Well then. Time to work some magic and get that secret out.

“I do not care at all. I have been cast out, and I have learned to live with that fact.”

“Mother still refuses to call you a son of that Jotun. As do I. She insisted in front of the court that you would still be counted as part of the royal family, and as her son, directly countering the statement Father had made minutes earlier. It caused quite some irritation, but you know our mother. Once she is set on something, she gets her will. Father had no choice but allow it.”

Loki snorted.

“High time for him to retire, then, if he cannot defend his choices to his wife.”

“She made him see that it was not justified in the least. You paid dearly for all you did when stuck between the worlds, and minding the fact that you were indeed not in your right mind when attacking Midgard, atonement and repentance were a much more fitting sentence.”

“You still believe I regret.”

“You did not act at all like the Loki who tried to take over this realm in the last four years. I believe you are not as evil as you want to be seen as.”

Placing the apple down on the table, the sorcerer turned around again to look his foster brother in the eyes. These damned, blue eyes that still hoped to mend their relationship by stating how good he was in his heart, by finally accepting him as he was.

“I will say this to you for the very last time, Thor. I am not sorry for what I have done while you were banished. I am not sorry for almost blowing up Jotunheim. I do not regret sending the Destroyer down after your little friends, and I am sure as hell not sorry for attacking you. I am no good person. I fight with rules as bad as you fight with table manners. Whatever I do, it is for my own selfish reasons. As much as you forced me to lie and scheme in the past, these are my favourite actions nowadays, because they actually get done what I want to be done. The only person I serve is me. What you see in me does no longer exist. Defeating Malekith was my last favour to you, as I wanted to right the wrong I did to you by throwing you out of the Helicarrier. Granted, I also wanted to make sure I would have no need to search for another place to live any time soon, and knowing that Elf, he surely would have wanted every other realm, too, after Asgard.”

Thor looked as Loki anticipated him to look. Lost and not understanding. Good.

“I will never be your brother again. I protected you long enough from your own foolishness and thick-headedness. You cast me out long before your failed coronation, and damn, I am so proud of myself for ruining that one. You deserved it. It was _so much fun_ to witness you being the one at the end of Odin's disapproving stare for once.”, he hissed.

And there Loki had done it. Pain and betrayal settled on Thor's features, and the Trickster gloated.

“I want you to leave me alone once and for all. We are no longer part of the same family. While I understand that you are a part of the team and friends my husband is devoted to, I no longer feel the need to be in your good graces or even socialize with you any more. We are but acquaintances, and what wrong I have done to you has been paid in the full by rescuing your sorry ass over and over again in the thousand years we lived together as brothers, as well as by saving Asgard from the Dark Elves. If anything, you should be the one to repay your debts to me, Odinson. Consider them null and void once you understand that I no longer _want_ to be a part of your family, as it is twisted, and the only one worthy of my attention is Queen Frigga.”

It was a wonderful feeling hurting Thor so thoroughly. Norns, he had waited much too long to do this.

“I understand.”, the Thunderer then said, his voice barely audible and so, so deep, like that time he was told his father had died. Loki was gleefully aware that he just had broken the last ounce of trust in him.

“You do not, but I will accept it nonetheless. Now get to it and fetch the books. Hurry, and please don't get lost in between the foreign halls of the library.”, he sneered, delightfully malicious, before turning back to his apple.

Thor stood behind him for some more seconds, and then left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. God. I just saw The Dark World, and it is epic. I'll go see it again next week. It was so worth every damn cent I paid.  
> Um, after this chapter, I will need to switch Tags along a bit. Yeah. So. Stay tuned. Thanks for the support!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plotbunnies jumped ahead of me. Fluff. Pure fluff. Please excuse my lack of self-containment.

 

 

“That was pretty mean, Prancer.”

“I was fed up with him trying to get me back. He does not understand as long as it is not said loud enough.”

“Still. He was so lost when he thought you died, you do remember that, don't you?”

“He was mourning someone who never existed. Thor is a fool to think I would ever think of him as a brother. When he accepted me being locked away for the rest of my life, he rejected any type of bond we had, thusly eradicating any chance of mending our relationship. He does not longer exist, as far as I am concerned. Let Asgard burn, for all I care. If it does not cross one of my plans, that is.”

Tony sighed tiredly.

“You really hate him that much?”

Loki sliced the apple and let his magic scan it once again.

“I loved him as a brother for a thousand years. That will never be truly gone. But there has happened so much, I cannot let him near me again. I envied him, yes, and I was jealous of the attention he got for all the stupid things he did, while my actions were rated sneaky, dishonourable, unworthy. But I still was proud of him for all of his braveness, his courage, his strength. I did not begrudge him the love of Asgard, or the throne. What I cannot forgive him are all the small things he does not even realize he did. Making me feel lesser than him, mocking me, never looking back to check on me. Turning down my advice, never listening, always knowing better. He belittled me more times than I can count, and what really takes the cake was that arrogant ' _Know your place, brother.'_ when I tried to get him as well as his friends out of the very dangerous and not to mention strongly forbidden realm of the Frost Giants, whom he just had angered and in the aftermath almost got us all killed. No, I do not hate him, but I rather see him from a distance than near me.”

Tony shot him an irritated look.

“That's one deep case of injured pride I sense.”

Squeezing the apples magically for their juice, Loki frowned at him.  
“Injured pride or not, I can't stand him near me. Our friendship as well as our familiar bonds have been severed. He still runs after an illusion I cannot give him, I will not give him. He never believed me over his father, so I will not let him make me feel miserable all over again when he decides that I'm still not worth his full attention. Call me branded, but I am not one for masochistic experiences.”

His lover snorted at that.

“Seriously, you are a bunch of fucked up people up there in Asgard. You make my own issues seem like child's play. Okay, one last question, and we can go on and see what you got with that apple. Why did you help them with their war? And make that one the truth.”

For a second, Loki faltered, hand hovering over the apple juice. Then his head fell forward, between his shoulders, both hands braced on the table.

“Just because I am trapped in some weird state of loving and hating him at the same time, I do not wish him harm. Malekith was a former ally of mine, I knew his fortes as well as his weaknesses. Asgard still is the Realm watching over the others, and it's fall would have disturbed Yggdrasil and all the other realms as well. My mother still is Queen there, I could not just leave them hanging. They definitely needed my help. Plus, I am a very curious creature. And it really was nice to see them being forced to send my 'corpse' off in a traditional warrior ceremony, knowing quite well I was never one of those, or even remotely seen as a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. It fulfilled all of my darkest fantasies watching them _bow_ to me for rescuing them.”

“Well, that's one sentiment I can totally agree on. Nothing better than watching enemies being brought down by the own brilliance.”

Tony walked over, wrapping one arm around his waist and pulling him closer a bit.

“Now, what have your magic fingers found out?”

“Surprisingly... nothing. They're apples. Just plain apples.”

Really frustrating apples. He growled softly, looking at his husband, who had furrowed his brows.

“Well, that's not much. Are we still sure your mom did not pull a trick? I mean, you've got to have gotten it from somewhere, this whole mischief you like to spill.”

“You being able to toss me around as you like is pretty much all the confirmation I need. But if you like, we can test it a bit more thoroughly.”

Before Tony could react, there was a knife in Loki's hand.

“Woah, Reindeer Games, stop right there.”

An elegant eyebrow arched upwards, a smirk played on these sinful lips. Tony swallowed heavily.

“Come on now. I'll show you. If you do not heal as I do, I will heal it for you.”

And with that, the knife had sliced Loki's palm, opening a wide gash and spilling blood in no time at all.

“Holy hell, Loki!”, the genius exclaimed, eyes widening and taking turns between looking into his face and gazing upon his hand. Loki grinned and watched bemused as the cut scabbed in mere moments, just to be replaced by soft pink tissue and then changing back to the unblemished creamy skin that had been there a minute before.

“That is... I don't even know. Hell. You really heal damn fast.”

“As you should as well. Brave enough to offer me a hand?”

Groaning due to the bad pun, Tony reluctantly held up his hand and watched as the knife went through his skin like butter. He hissed. Blood welled up.

A second later, it scabbed. Loki let the knife vanish and wiped away the blood with a paper towel, letting the crust fall away and reveal new skin that quickly turned back to the soft tanned brown.

“...”

The god chuckled.

“To be able to see you at a loss for words. I can barely contain my enjoyment.”, he said, kissing the spot he had cut.

“So, now that we have ruled out magic, too, what does the resident genius propose we do?”

Tony just stared at him for a second, before one of his really wide smiles broke out on his face, lightening up his eyes.

“Well, I think we've done enough for today. Let's get up to the flat, kick out anyone lounging in our kitchen, or the living room, and properly figure out this new condition I managed to get myself in.”

“And by figure out you mean...?”

“Have my wicked way with you, obviously. I'm _so_ curious to see how much you can handle.”

Loki laughed.

“There are these promises again. Are you able to fulfil them?”

“Sure as hell trying my best.”

 

 

Another week later, and the research on the fruits had brought all four resident scientists to the brink of tears.

There was absolutely nothing exceptional in them, about them or with them. Tony had found a breeder of the apples and had discussed shape, smell, taste as well as any other thing that could be discussed about some apples. No results. So, now, they sat around a table, the object of their misfortune nestled on top of it, innocently and so utterly normal, while being murdered over and over again by the looks of Jane, Bruce, Loki and Tony.

“Let's check ourselves. Blood, DNA, brain waves, the whole ordeal. I'll call the rest, and then we compare it to our readings and scores from the last check-up.”, the engineer proposed. Bruce and Jane were all for it, Loki just propped up his head on his hands.

“Nothing on me there, I'm all new. Knock yourself out, Dr. Banner.”

They had watched the ECGs of Steve and Tony, some workout under pressure with Clint and Thor, sneaked a peak at a first test scan from Jarvis, acting like a CAT scanner picturing Bruce ( less detailed, but it did the job), while waiting for the blood results and DNA analysis.

“The DNA will take until tomorrow, but here I have the results for the red trickles. It's... really strange. The blood cells have risen so high it's a wonder the blood is still a liquid. More red cells, better iron levels, T-help-cells have increased as well as antibodies, what actually explains the fast healing and immunity to diseases. Cholesterol, fats, toxins and other pollutants have been diminished to non-threatening levels. It's like the perfect chart for a human being. What brings us to our resident non-human being.”

Bruce waved away the test results and another set popped up, clearly different from the others. Loki raised an eyebrow.

“What about me?”

“Your blood is so completely different from ours, I have little to no idea what should be ideal for you. Firstly, it turned cobalt blue the second the needle came out of your body again. You seem to be able to transport your needed oxygen through iron and copper equally. Secondly, there is a very high percentage of a natural antifreeze in it. A mix out of glycerol and ethanol.”

“Well, that would explain my rather high alcohol tolerance, I think.”

“Dude, what the fuck?”, Clint exclaimed and stared at him. Loki smirked.

“I am a Jotun, a Frost Giant. What did you expect, really? Water still is the base for any form of life, and we'd freeze if there was nothing hindering the H²O to enter solid state, seeing as Jotunheim is a permanently frozen realm and even colder than your antarctic winter.”

Natasha snickered.

“Well, third point: Whatever your base levels should be, they correlate with human ones. Your levels are lower than ours, besides that antifreeze, indicating that you are as much human as Jotun, actually. Or I hope so, it would make this way easier.”, Bruce added, clicking away at a screen and swishing away another layer.

“Fourth: Your hormonal balance is totally weird. I've never seen oestrogen and testosterone mixed like that. Your levels are balanced out, even for a female that would be strange. For a male, seeing as you have eaten one of these apples yourself, I just assume it is normal for someone who can shift genders. What troubles me a bit is you hCG-level. It's way too high, almost nine times as much as we have. If everything else correlates, this should, too.”

“And that's bad?”

“There could be something wrong. How high is the rate of people who suffer from cancer on Asgard?”

Thor and Loki both furrowed their brows.

“Nonexistent. Bodily dysfunctions like malignant cell-growth are regulated by the Aesir healing.”, the Thunderer said.

“Jarvis, scan him once more, please.”, Bruce ordered without looking.

“What? Do you think I may have grown a tumour somewhere? I assure you, I haven't. I'll check myself over if you want. My magic is able to pick up anything out of the regular.”, the sorcerer offered.

“Just if you're certain you won't miss something.”, the Doctor said.

“My scanners have found a little cluster of cells located in Mr. Starks abdomen, connected to an healthy organ.”, Jarvis piped in helpfully.

Silence.

“Run it again.”, Tony demanded, as Loki placed his hands on his flanks and let his magic scout out his belly. It could not be. It did not make sense.

He frowned as the magic found the cluster. Right. Once again. This time he placed his hands at the front and back of his stomach.

Tony rubbed his back, more to soothe himself than his husband.

“Results stay the same. A cluster of cells, located in Mr. Starks abdomen.”, the AI told them again.

Worry settled on the Avengers faces, as well as Jane's.

The green glow surrounding Loki fizzled out and he looked positively confused.

What the hell was going on?

“Sweet pea. Is there... anything wrong?”

Loki shook his head, before shrugging, eyes still not focused properly and staring into nothing as he concentrated on his magic and body.

“I... think not. It does not feel... malign.”

A second later, his head snapped up the same instant Bruce straightened up with so much speed his spine cracked audibly.

“Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me!”, the black haired god exclaimed, once again letting his magic feel the cluster of cells as well as the surrounding tissues, slumping down besides the man who had beaten him into the floor so many years ago.

“You mean...”, Bruce started and broke off. Loki nodded, eyes still fixating some imaginary point, hands shifting around his belly.

“How is that even possible?!”

They blocked out the outcries of Clint and Tony, demanding to be told, they did not even see them. They were totally zoned out, barely registering anything besides the other.

“I have no clue. A very strange mix of shape shifting, Jotun heritage and magic, I presume.”, Loki breathed, strangely torn between absolute amazement and utter terror.

“Jarvis, how long do you think?”, he then asked, as Bruce started to go over his blood work again, muttering to himself, still listening with one ear to the answer.

“Based on the diameter and shape, four to six weeks, Mr. Stark. May I offer you my congratulations?”

“WHAT?!”, the piercing screech of his husband permeated the cloud Loki and Bruce had been in and let them turn sharply his direction. He looked terrified, panicked even as he made his way to the sorcerer and flopped down to his knees in front of him, looking up with these absolutely stunning brown eyes which were filled with despair.

“Jarvis, what the fuck? He'll die in a month and you wish him your best?”, he panted out, and Loki huffed out laughter, breathlessly and still baffled.

“Oh Norns, Tony, no, no. No, I'm not dying. I am fine.”

Cupping the face in front of him, Loki bent down and kissed his husband gently, leaning their foreheads together. There was the overwhelming urge to smile and laugh and shout at the same time, and he barely contained himself as Bruce looked at him with utter delight, not caring that he would be used as a science project for the next months to come. Hell, he would not care whatever would happen right now.

“How's the failure rate?”, he asked.

“Never heard of one gone bad up in Asgard. Can't say I know anything about the Jotun. I believe the Aesir traits outweigh the Jotun ones, this time.”

“What's going on?”, a whisper had him turn back his head to the person at his feet. Loki could not help the happy chuckle that burst out of him.  
“By the Nine, love, you will so freak out. Really, really freak out.”

His legs were gripped, hard, so he shifted his attention back to Tony, who looked angry, confused, and lost at the same time.

“Tell me.”, he said, staring into Loki's eyes, wide and highlighted with mirth.

“You're not dying?”

The sorcerer shook his head.

“Not any time soon. Calm down. I'll tell you in a second.”

He then sat up less bent, taking hold of Tony's hands in the process and shooting Bruce a look.

“Could you... give us a few minutes? Go up, I heard there were some fantastic leftovers from yesterdays 'It's almost Christmas, let's party!'-turkey in the fridge. Get yourself a drink for me.”

“Of course. Up we go.”, he said and ushered out the rest.

“Call if you need help!”, Steve yelled back, and that made Loki laugh again. Tony squeezed his hands.

“What. Is. Happening?” he said urgently.

Loki shifted into the female body. It would be so much easier to explain.

“I remember not caring at all if you bedded me with or without protection, seeing as this form I believed to be barren. I told you as much last year, when I was fed up with you still using condoms. I am a thousand years old, and all the times I messed around in this body, never anything happened.”, she said, and oh, there was some change in her husbands eyes.

“I know you, and I know you have never thought about siring offspring, as I never thought about it, too. But now we have to talk about it, seeing as I am carrying your child. I'm pregnant.”

For almost a full minute, Tony just stared at her. His mouth was open a bit, as if he had wanted to say something that got stuck in his throat while the thought was loading. Then he closed it and opened it again, and Loki smirked for he really looked like a fish on land.

“You... what?”

“I am pregnant. You knocked me up.”, she repeated gently. He whined and pinched his eyes shut.

“Oh gods, fuck. Fuck. Pepper's going to kill me.”

Then the brown orbs snapped open again and he stared at his wife absolutely dumbstruck.

“How the hell did that happen? Are you sure? Jarv, is she right?”, he asked, non-believing and again more panicked than confused.

“Given the high levels of hCG in her blood, paired with the cell-cluster located in the lower abdomen, I would highly advise to treat this as confirmed, Sir. The supposed embryo matches a human one in form and size. Congratulations, Sir.”

A groan wrought itself from his throat. Head falling down between Loki's thighs, she practically could hear his brain work.

“This might need some time to sink in.”, he muttered, voice muffled.

“I'm not there, either. It's the magic that thrills, actually. It won't shut up.”

Shifting back to male, Loki massaged Tony's scalp for a few minutes in absolute peace and silence. When the engineer lifted his head again to look into his eyes, his face was awed.

“You're a man.”

“You fucked me more times female than male.”

“... Point taken.”

He rubbed his hands over his eyes before standing up and sitting down on Bruces' chair.

“Gods, I really thought you would die. I was so afraid for a second when Jarv announced that cells. And that blasted duration! What the hell?”

Loki chuckled.

“I wanted to know how far along I am. Four to six weeks. We've still got roughly eight months to go.”

“Holy shit. Fuck. Really? We're doing this?”, Tony asked, face pained and voice whiny.

“If you feel up to it. If you think you can't cope, then, well, there is still time.”

But somehow he would not want that. He wanted his husband to say 'Fuck it, we'll do this'. This was so unexpected and yet so exciting. It would be so--

“Fuck it all. I can't kill an innocent heap of cells. Let's do this.”

\-- _good_.

Loki smiled brightly.

“Sure?”

“I already threw my whole lifestyle overboard by marrying some insane Norse deity who's prone to mischief and magic. And hell, if this kid won't be awesome I'll eat my own suit. Promise. We'll do it. Let's get all parental.”

The sorcerer grinned and placed a hand upon Tony's heart.

“You're still panicking.”

“Oh hell yes. I'm shitting myself in fear, and I am so freaked out, you were right with that, and there are a billion things in my head right now, but the most important is that I don't care about all that. I think with you and with that army of ass-kicking friends up in our kitchen, we can actually do this.”

He was kissed fiercely, and his magic thrummed beneath his skin as Loki felt the first fluttering of a tiny heart inside his body, continually growing stronger and more steady. He gasped and pressed a hand to his belly.

“What? What's wrong?”

“Nothing... it's heart just started beating. It's alive. Norns, I feel it. I haven't felt it before, Tony, but now I do, and it's overwhelming.”

“Really? How's it? Tell me.”

“Warm. Strange. Like... holding someone close to you and embracing that person. A bit like cuddling up to you at night, actually.”, Loki smirked. Tony grinned back, albeit his lips betrayed the smile a bit. Still so very unsure. Qualmish. He would learn to cope.

“Let's head up, too. I trust Bruce to not tell a soul, and they are surely having kittens by now.”

“I was under the impression that we would be the ones to have kittens sometime soon, Bambi.”

“Less kittens, more feral snowmen, I'm afraid. Nothing cuddly at all.”

“Shame.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...does this count as MPreg? I personally would not call it MPreg, because it all happened very naturally in my head, no magic involved. Or anything else. Let me know what tags I should add.
> 
> And sorry for the delay! We had an impromptu surprise-party for a friend, and my fiancée and me had to play host, so I had absolutely no time to upload yesterday. Sorry!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your feedback :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking the news to the Team.  
> And yes, there still is some more Loki/Thor-Action.

 

 

Stepping out of the elevator, six pairs of worried eyes turned to them. Bruce eyed them, and Loki curled up his lips into a tiny smile. The man relaxed and got up to fetch a second cup of tea.

“Do you need our help?”, Steve asked, caring as ever, true concern in his voice.

Tony let himself fall down on the couch, seemingly being tired and anxious, like something was nagging at him.

Loki held back a snort. Curse him for the dramatic flair.

“Yeah, I think we do. There... gods, I can't even think about it.”, he said, burying his head in his hands.

Thor's eyes went wide with fear, Jane covered her mouth with her fingers. Tasha all but scooted over to her best friend and patted his arm while shooting Loki an alarmed look. Bruce rolled his eyes and handed him the mug.

“Thank you. Now, where's Pepper? She may want to hear that. Jarvis, be a dear and call her. Video-feed.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark.”

“And you, cease this childish play. I'm fine, he's being an ass.”

Tony pouted, which turned into a shriek as Natasha pinched him hard in the upper arm.

“You so deserved it.”, Loki muttered and sipped his tea, waiting for Pepper, who answered her cell promptly as ever.

“Every time you call I anticipate the worst kind of PR.”

“Good afternoon to you, too, darling.”, the sorcerer said, chuckling.

“Say, how long could Solveig go unnoticed when forced to stay anti-alcoholic?”

Pepper frowned.

“What? Why? What about our weekly wine-induced Tony-rantings?”

Said Stark spluttered indignant, but was cut off with a single digit of Loki's hand.

“I am so sorry, Pep, but I believe Dr. Banner would turn a little green on me if I were to indulge in alcohol sometime soon. I'll stay with tea for the time being. How long?”

“Not long enough for not getting one hell of rumours out of it. What happened?”

“There... were some unplanned consequences. We've been testing our blood earlier today and my results just came back very strange. Upon nearer inspection, there have come some new facts to light. You may have need to contain the media for the next few months.”

He earned a raised eyebrow. Tony huffed.

“Hell, no one understands a single word. Silvertongue, my ass.”

Loki stretched out his tongue.

“And here we have it already. Hormones.”

“Watch your words, or I really have to fake the morning sickness.”

Peppers mouth fell open, as well as Clints and Steves, too. Tashas eyes widened a bit, Jane could not hold back a 'what?!' and Thor just was as confused as ever.

“I think there was a glitch in the line, Loki. Please repeat what you just said.”, Pepper asked him, rubbing her temple already.

“Just for you, dear, in as few words as possible, to get back the most satisfying reaction. We are expecting.”

The read-heads jaw almost met the floor, as well as did the others. It was _so_ pleasing.

“Oh my god!”, Jane squeaked out, and repeated “Oh my God!”

Tony grinned from one ear to the other, while Loki nursed his tea with innocent calmness.

“This is a joke.”, Pepper said, still trying to get her jaw back up. “Please tell me this is a joke.”

“WHAT?!”, Steve all but shrieked, while Natasha and Clint just babbled some nonsense, brain-to-mouth-connection not stable at all. Thor... Thor looked a strange mix of baffled and sad.

“So what, you're capable of conceiving as a male?”, Jane wanted to know, always curious. Loki laughed.

“Oh dear, no. No. I'm just not male all the time. It... adds to the fun. As it seems, things happened.”

Steve groaned, cheeks flushing.

“Hell, you are serious.”, Pepper said, still trying to pick up her jaw from the floor.

“Fuck, and I thought getting married would be strange for you. Hell, Tony.”

The genius still grinned, lounging on the couch.

“How?! I mean, at the moment, you're pretty male, Loki.”

“Apparently, I am able to shift partially as well. I did never do it before, and I did not know, but the magic in me did what was necessary to sustain the pregnancy and fitted the womb to settle down in this body as well.”

Clint coughed as he stared at Loki's still very flat and toned belly.

“You knew?”

The sorcerer shook his head.

“No. Bruce and me realized at about the same time. My magic did it unconsciously, but I would have known today either way. When you had left, it's heart started beating constantly and steady. I feel it now. It's magnificent. It tingles, and my body feels so _alive_.”

Bruce chuckled as it was his turn at being stared at.

“The hCG gave it away. It's an indicator for pregnancy in females, and seeing as Loki's resistant to malign growth of cells, it was the most possible conclusion.”

Natasha groaned and laughed after.

“This is crazy. Tony's settling down. I can't believe it.”

Clint joined in, and Pepper snorted amused.

“The press will have another field day at this. Seriously, this level of mischief and chaos cannot happen without you. You really live up to your name, Loki.”

He looked positively proud at that.

“Could something bad happen? Like a miscarriage?”, Jane wanted to know, scooting over and watching interested as the others came closer, too.

“As far as I know, there has never been something like that on Asgard. Of course, I do not know about Jotun offspring, I may have need of some research.”

Thor frowned.

“I refuse to play your errand boy any longer.”

“But you are the only one able to get what I may need!”, the younger one said, almost pouting, but got only a firm head-shake back.

“If you have need, go for yourself. Call Heimdall or make use of the old paths for all I care. You are far too old for these childish games, Loki.”

The sorcerer smirked up at him from under his eyelashes.

“Look who has finally caught on. Took you long enough.”

Thor growled.

“So it was a game. Were your words lies, too? A jest, aimed to hurt me?”

“My words were sincere, _my Prince_ , and I meant what I said.”, Loki answered, gaze sharp. But then, he sighed and the look softened up.

“However, a millennium living together as brothers is hard to forget. It can't just be wiped out. I tried, and failed. So, this may be the pregnancy speaking, hormones going crazy and all that, or some of that antifreeze-alcohol, but I still look out for you, Thor. I _do_ care, even if I may not show it. I just hope it will not bite me.”

A second of silence followed, in which the Thunderer combed his fingers through his hair, warily looking at Loki, who gazed back with a guarded glance.

“Seriously, Dasher, you're kinda bipolar about this whole Thor-may-or-may-not-be-my-brother-thing. It's complicated and not very easy to follow. You change your mind about that more often than we switch positions.”

A mix of snorting, chortled laughter, choking on beverages and guffawing followed.

“Well, considering I am a Frost Giant, and the element I wield best is fire, I believe this could be born in. My whole nature screams bipolar.”

“You make it exceedingly difficult for me to like or trust you.”, Thor said quietly.

Loki leaned against the backrest, closing his eyes.

“I'm not aiming to please your sentiments. My words were true. We are friends at best, not family, but that does not imply I _want_ you to be miserable or get harmed. There just has happened so much, and frankly, I don't care if you still like me or not, as long as you do not annoy me. I am done pleasing other people. Really, really done. I am glad if there still is someone from that life before who likes me, but I can live without, too.”

A small smile crept upon his lips, and his hands came to rest some inches below his belly button.

“As of now, there are more important things I have to worry about, and take care of. One of them entails bitching, eating strange things, getting fat and even more bipolar as I already seem to be, and then demand foot and back rubs. So either get in on the ride or back out now.”

And that felt like the most honest statement he had ever given Thor. Look at that.

Tony huffed as he nudged him with his shoulder.

“All right, sweet pea. We get it. Fuck, this will be one hell of a ride.”

“What do you want me to tell the media once it hits? How far along are you, actually?”, Pepper piped in.

“Something between four to six weeks. There should be plenty of time to think of something.”

“Well then, congratulations. I'll call back once I have understood what exactly just happened. Loki, we'll get mocktails on Tuesday. Nothing cancels our evening. See you.”

“Oh, definitely. I look forward to it!”

The screen blacked out, and Tony shot him a pout.

“Tony-ranting, huh?”

Loki pecked his cheek.

“Harmless. We love you still.”

“Yeah, sure. Just my luck. Bitch.”, he answered lovingly. Loki grinned.

Now they only needed to get rid of Thanos and the Other, and all would be well.

... but with this news, there was no way Loki would not unhinge the world for whatever hybrid human-jotun there was growing inside him. Dying was no option. Letting them win would not do.

There was a world to protect for someone, and damn, was that not a perfect purpose.

 

 

They decided to ignore whatever these apples were, and just accept it as some godly intervention. They would have all the time in the world to get back to it any time they wanted.

Once Tony and Loki were alone again, the engineer had started pacing out of sheer desperation, and Loki had needed a whole array of Coffee, alcohol and sweet-talking to get out what spooked him. Once it was clear that the whole 'I'm no father material, really not' that had him panic stemmed from deep running issues with his own father, the sorcerer had called Pepper again, trying to calm him down and scatter his fears.

“I'll botch it up somehow, I always do.”, Tony had frowned.

“You will not. You already love this. That's more than Howard did. Remember, you have an army of uncles and aunts at your disposal. We'll get this right.”, Pep had answered, what had relaxed him visibly. Then a bright grin had lit up his face again.

“Well, now we have to go trick and treating on Halloween, and Christmas has to be absolutely stupendous. You know, I think this could work.”, he said, a childish gleam in his eyes that had both Pepper and Loki laughing.

 

 

“May I have words with you?”

“Sure. Come in. Coffee? Tony left some. Do not smash the mug.”

The two gods sat down in the living room, coffee and hot chocolate in hand. Loki marked the page in the book he was reading currently, folding up his legs under his body and settling down in a very cosy heap of blankets and pillows.

“How do I come to the honour of your visit?”

“What, can one not visit his brother without a reason?”, Thor asked, innocently sipping his beverage. Loki arched an eyebrow.

“That again. You sure are persistent.”

“I have been called thick-headed long before you did so, too. You know how stubborn I can be.”

The younger man smirked.

“Absolutely. So, as always, I am not your brother. That said, what can I help you with?”

Thor looked mirthful.

“I am not giving up on our bond, Loki. Your words cut like your knifes, and they hurt worse, but you have not actively tried to avoid me these last years. I understand your need for distance, but I too, care, or I would have dragged you back to Asgard as soon as I was sure you were here.”

“Thor--”

“No, this time I will talk and you will listen.”, the blonde said confident, and Loki snapped shut his mouth without even thinking about it.

Damn. Thor grinned.

“The big brother still works on you. How good to know.”

When the sorcerer frowned at him, he placed his mug on the table – gently, as not to break it – and fixated him with his deep blue eyes. Loki swallowed.

“I am sorry for mocking you all these years. I was a fool not to see how hurt you were by my words, and by the words of my friends and the warriors. You were right. I have taken you for granted, not seeing how important you always were to me, to us. I am sorry for getting you in all kinds of dangerous situations, for getting you punished for my deeds, for being too thick to realize my actions cost you more than pride.”

Oh Norns. This would be a very long day.

“I am still not sure how I ever could mistake your cunning and tactical skills for cowardice. I should have listened to you whenever you told me something, not just what I wanted to hear. I know now that your words are always crafted carefully. Every syllable you speak is worth listening to, and deliberate. Thank you. For not giving up on me in all these years, despite me breaking you.”

Loki opened his lips another time, sucking in a breath, but the Thunderer just raised a hand and his mouth fell shut again. Curse this habit of falling silent in case of Thor speaking.

“Most importantly, I came to apologize for never questioning the Allfather. In favour of looking up to him, I looked down on you more often than not, and knowing that I hurt you so haunts me greatly. I should have guarded you, for you are my little brother, and have been forever. And to return the protection you always placed upon me.”

Loki sighed deeply. Damn him. He could not trust himself to not lash out at him again, given that he still hurt. He had no assurance that Thor would not do something idiotic again and get both of them in trouble. Or worse. Leaving himself to get them out of the pit once again.

“I know you can be as pigheaded as me, so I am prepared to go to great length in order to win you back. I will not believe your scathing words any more, knowing that you still look after me. You try to hide, and I will coax you out again. I promise.”

Well then. He was doomed. Thor was set, and once that happened, there was no way of escape for anything or anyone. He took a big swig out of his mug.

Mjölnir hummed.

“Oh do shut up.”, he muttered.

Thor beamed.

“She's singing since yesterday. Since you and Tony entered to tell us.”

Loki groaned. Great, now the hammer was set on protecting him, too. The combined force of Thor and Mjölnir surely would kill him sooner or later.

... on the other hand, it felt nice to know the brute still was able to want him. The younger god had been sure to have broken him with that last round of words they have had.

The Thunderer laughed brightly at his face.

“I will try not to be overbearing, but I fear I have many years to compensate for. Humour me, brother.”

“I am by no means defenceless. You'd do well to remember that.”

“I do, but you are not alone any more. There is something more to protect. And I attend to be the best uncle the Nine Realms have to offer.”

The inevitable smile curled Loki's lips upwards. _How loved you are already, without even having a proper face yet_ , he thought and placed a hand on his abdomen. How cliché.

“A nephew to be taught battle, or a niece to spoil.”

“Over my dead body, Thor. Absolutely no fighting. At all.”

As the blonde grinned, Loki felt himself relax. Between Tony and Thor, this child would never lack of anything. Some minutes passed in total silence, but it was soothing and familiar. As children, they had often sat together like this, Loki absorbed in some old, dusty tome, Thor watching the warriors out in the gardens. He had almost forgotten how nice that had been.

“Do you remember that one time we ventured to the kitchens to get our hands on the custard?”, Thor broke the quiet atmosphere, and Loki snorted.

“One time? You always persuaded me to do something like that. We stole tons of sweets while being children. I am still convinced mother knew. You always were littered with crumbs afterwards and still were able to eat as much as Volstagg.”

Thor laughed again, before nodding.

“Yes, but you were the one to indulge in the dessert. Your sweet tooth has never vanished. To this day, you like sugar best.”, he said and pointed to Loki's mug.

“Using magic burns an awful lot of saccharine.”

“You are the only sorcerer I know of who eats that much confectionery.”

“One has to grow tired of meat and bread someday.”

“Quite clearly you never tired of mothers apple strudel.”

“It is the best.”

“Aye. That it is.”

When Thor left some hours later, a lot of reminiscing had happened, fond memories for both of them, and despite all he had stated previously, somewhere deep in his heart Loki was glad his foster-brother had chosen to give him another chance.

That left the matter with the Mad Titan. Loki pondered about that longer than he wanted to, and only was startled from his musings when his husband came back up.

“I sure hope you moved a bit since twelve hours ago. Jarv, has he eaten?”

“I tried to tell him, sir, but I could not get a response. After Mr. Odinson left, he was deaf to the world.”

Tony furrowed his brow.

“Thor was here? And you're so calm? What happened, has he offered a blood sacrifice for your affection or something like that?”

Loki laughed and got up, stretching his legs and getting the blood back into his feet.

“We talked a bit. No dead animals somewhere near. He has his mind set on getting his brother back after my disgustingly sentimental words yesterday, and I know better than to refuse him when he is determined. It is... pleasant, to have him back like this. I may be a fool for falling for his charm again, but I believe I have looked only at the bad things for too long now. It was immature.”

The eyebrows threatened to vanish under Tony's hairline, and he turned away, asking “Jarvis, has he taken anything? Weed? Has Bruce left some of his? Or have you gone and added morphine to the cocoa?”, what had Loki chuckling and poking him into the side.

“My priorities shifted, let it be. Drugs don't work on me.”

“Alcohol is a drug as well.”

“Yes, and I can consume an awful lot of that before even beginning to feel tipsy.”

“Tipsy Loki? Now that I'd like to see.”

“No, you won't. It's not pretty. I get really malicious and nasty, as long as my tongue still works.”

A warm body pressed into his backside and arms circled his waist.

“I see no difference between sober and tipsy, then.”, and for that he was poked again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, three chapters to go, and then I'm finished.
> 
> Sequel anyone? I'm already halfway through, but now I'm stuck because Thor2 has smashed all my ideas. Give me a head-up if you're (still) interested somewhere between now and the last chapter, and I'll see what I can do :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets messy. First, there is something glowing that definitely should not do that, and then no-one lets Loki play.

 

 

The Other awaited Loki as he slipped off to sleep on Christmas Eve after the now traditional gathering and dinner.

“My master grows restless. It won't be long now before he can have his revenge on you.”, he whispered, but the sorcerer found he did not fear his touch any more. They had called him back to their little rock for months now, without any indication to act on their threats, and even if they would, he did not want to give in to the fright any more.

“Then I shall await him. Let him come and see for himself how little he can do.”

“You overestimate yourself, little god.”

Loki smirked dangerously, all teeth and a blazing fire inside his eyes.

“You have no hold over me. I have been afraid for far too long.”

It was true. By now, there was nothing they could attach themselves to. He had mended the broken pieces of his soul as well as he could, knitted them together, letting go of everything that had burdened him and was so much stronger than before. He was content, a state that he had not achieved the first time he encountered Thanos and his lackey, he had gained an objective, had people and loved ones to care for.

“Now it is your turn to fear. Should you truly come and threaten my family, you and your master shall burn to ashes at my hands. Consider yourself warned proficiently.”

 

 

Christmas had been followed by a series of events the Avengers had been invited to, courtesy of defending New York rather often that last year. Despite Loki's objection to the alcohol-ban, seeing as a fifth of his blood already consisted of ethanol, Bruce had insisted on him being absolutely sober for the next months to get clear readings in case something should happen. So when she (having shifted once again as to not alert the public eye) was seen sipping water or juice instead of her usual hard drink, the gossip had exploded. For the third event, she ordered some apple juice in a whiskey-tumbler, just to confuse the hell out of all the reporters. They had not known how fast rumours were spread. The world was torn between alcoholism, serious illness and pregnancy (albeit the last was mostly considered untrue, seeing as it was Tony Stark they talked about).

The Avengers were present at Madame Tussaud's, getting their own wax statues as some special for New Years Eve, freaking out the visitors, as most of them had marvellous body control and of course wore the same outfits the statues did, too. Loki inwardly shook with laughter at how many people made pictures with Natasha, just to have her spook the shit out of them by moving suddenly. It was hilarious.

Loki herself could barely restrain herself and almost made the statues move, too, but a well placed look of Bruce had her roll her eyes and forget that again. Mass panics were not that well received, she guessed. Pity.

It was well after midnight when they collectively were send an image. They stared for a second, before Tony gave her his phone to look at. Looking at the now active shard in the sceptre, she growled.

“He truly dares.”

Noticing Thor was already on his way out, she made a beeline to him and held him back.

“Stay. If we want to have the upper hand in this, he cannot learn that we know about that. I'll go. They may stay unaware, and we will have an advantage.”

“You have a plan?”, he asked her, and she smirked.

“When do I not? Of course I have. “  
“A ruse?”

“More like a trap. They have crossed lines one time too many.”

“Be careful. If you need help, call for Mjölnir. She'll hear.”

Loki patted the hammer softly.

“Thank you, but that will not be necessary.”

She hoped.

 

 

He had left immediately for Asgard, treading an especially old path that was well guarded by spells and Yggdrasil herself. Entering the palace had not been a problem, knowing all it's ways and corridors by heart. Teleporting himself into the chambers was out of the question, as that would draw unwanted attention to him for breaching the enchantments placed on those.

Finally, he was making his way inside the private chambers his mother and Odin lived in, and upon seeing them sitting at the table, he let the invisibility that had cloaked him fall away.

“Loki!”, his mother exclaimed, surprised, and leapt to her feet in order to embrace him. He hugged her back softly, before his eyes found the Allfather, already staring at him, carefully neutral.

“Laufeyson.”

“It is Stark now, actually. The most fitting name I have ever had the fortune to call my own to wear.”, he said, wriggling his left hand for Odin to see, wedding band glittering in the light of candles and fire, spelled to fit both the male and female form.

“Have you finally returned?”, Loki's foster father asked, still not betraying any feeling he might harbour. The Trickster did not care at all. It suited him well to not have to deal with emotions now, too.

“Regard it as some sort of courtesy call. I came to inform you that the Tesseract has been purloined, as I am sure it slipped your all-seeing eye.”

The widening of aforementioned organ was all the confirmation Loki needed. A mean smirk settled on his lips as he detached himself from his mother.

“I thought so. You should abdicate, Allfather. Thor is ready enough, and this realm is in dire need of someone who actually listens for a change.”

At that Odin frowned, standing up. Frigga gave her son a stern look.

“How dare you, after all you have done!”, the old king exclaimed, a bit outraged, but Loki would have none of it. He smiled.

“I am not your subject any more, I speak whatever I want. You should be grateful for my generosity in letting you know of the threat coming for you. The one calling himself Mad Titan, known as Thanos, has stolen the Cosmic Cube from your vault, and should he succeed in conquering Midgard, Asgard will follow suit, without any hope of escape or negotiation.”

When he did not receive an answer, just sorely shocked gazes, he sighed and settled for a more sincere face.

“I will fight with Thor and his friends for the sake of Midgard, as I have found a home there to call my own. I will never return here for longer than I need to see your wife, do not fret, Allfather. My presence will not disgrace you. But I may be in dire need of information. I pledge loyalty to your side in this fight if you allow me to roam freely through your library. It would only benefit you if Thanos was defeated by our hands.”

For a moment nothing happened. They just stared at each other. Then, Odin nodded slowly, carefully.

“Very well. Take whatever you need.”

“Thank you, your Majesty.”, the youngest one in the room said, before turning back to Frigga.

“Mother, may we speak in private? I have some _thrilling_ news you will want to hear.”

 

 

Arriving back home a few hours later, Loki practically littered the floor with tons of books and detailed Thor to help him search for any information they could gather.

Jarvis put everything they found into a folder, ready to be scanned by all of them later on or in between, to get the team briefed.

“Hey, did we tell you that SHIELD left us the sceptre to play with?”, Tony had asked in the evening at dinner with the others. Loki arched an eyebrow and got a suspicious glint in his eyes.

“Really? Interesting. Am I allowed to take a look or would it unsettle you?”

Clint did flinch for a second before getting his control back. But even Tony looked not really convinced that would be a good idea.

“Oh no, Dasher, no way I'll let you near the Glowstick again while active.”

“Come on, it will be fine. I'm fine. I'm much saner than the last time. Let me play with it. Perhaps I could get a sense of where they are hiding right now.”

“And risk you going nuts again? Now? With Beany here?”

Bruce and Jane chuckled at that, while Loki looked very confused.

“Who the hell is 'Beany'?”

Tony grinned at him.

“I had Jarvis google a bit, and as it now is about the size of a bean, and looks a bit like that, too, I nicknamed our little pre-Christmas-surprise 'Beany'.”

“Really now. Beany. Are you out of your mind?”

“What? It's cute! Don't deny it.”

Loki snorted.

“I refuse to call my child any of these names you come up with. Yesterday it was Blueberry. What will it be tomorrow? Pocket change, because it is the size of a quarter?”

“No, that would definitely end up as Quarterback.”, Tony drawled and earned chuckles.

“Oh come now, you like it. You almost smiled. Give me some credit.”

Snickers accompanied their banter, before Loki once again asked about the sceptre.

“Not even a small peek? Are you serious?”

“We have the whole lab under lockdown while working with it. Usually, Steve or Tasha monitor our work while we're at it, so nothing happens, or we can be alerted soon enough. Last time we tinkered with it, we started to claw at each other so bad, Bruce grabbed it and almost hulked out.”

Loki scoffed.

“A mere human mind will be enthralled far too easy when agitated. And you were so fun to play with, even in my most disturbed mind. The Shard had you under control almost instantly, as soon as there was some sort of emotion it could work with. I fuelled your doubt, and she did the rest. Even the blatant slip-up to Natasha did not help you, in the end, seeing as my plans unfolded exactly as I wanted them to.”

Silence fell over them as Loki was watched with more mistrust than they had looked at him with for the last five years. He rolled his eyes.

“Rest assured that I have no underlying plans to subjugate or kill you any longer. If I had, Earth would be mine to rule long ago and neither of you would be alive to tell the tale. Schemes playing out for this long are prone to failure, and I take great pride in the fact that none of my plots misfire as long as I am in possession of my sane mind. Truly, your faith in my person is heart-warming.”, Loki droned, not at all vexed by that statement. It just showed that his friends still had some brains and scrutinized if need arose. Sure, it would have been nicer to have blind trust, but given their history and the force that was coming for them, it was mostly reassuring. He smirked.

“I am strangely pleased that you still harbour resentment against me. Please hold onto that feeling, it may very well be that one that will save your life.”

Tony groaned and shot him a dirty look.

“Sometimes I think you _want_ us to hate you, Reindeer Games. Seriously.”

Lips still curled upwards, the sorcerer leant back on his chair and played with his glass.

“As much as I cherish faith, against Thanos, you need to be calm and reasonable. I still am a former ally, and even if a new get together between us is highly unlikely, he has the power of the Tesseract, and the sceptre is his to command. The best chance we have is getting our hands on the Cube, or destroy it. I highly recommend the former, as I have no clue what would happen if we chose to extinguish a sentient being as powerful as the Tesseract.”

Glancing up, he grinned.

“I may have an idea on how to get it. You just have to let me help you.”

“No. You stay up here with your brother dearest and look through the books, as we can't read a single letter, and if you try or dare to come down to us, I'll have Jarvis cut down on the chocolate we buy.”

“You are truly fighting unfair.”

“Get used to it already.”

 

 

“Please, sweet pea, don't be mad. I want to keep you safe. This gizmo did things to you I can't even imagine, and I neither want to loose you or Bean.”

Tony pressed up to his back, arms holding him, hands caressing his stomach, Loki sighed.

“I do not plan to endanger either myself or the child. I just want to test a theory.”

“Run it through me first, then.”

The taller man turned around, locking his eyes with his husbands soft and dark brown ones.

“I, too, have a connection to the Tesseract, and I can hear her. She whispers in my ear ever so soft since she was taken from Asgard.”

Tony's face changed into a mask of surprise, and an underlying fear.

“Are you all right? Has the damned thing done anything?”, he asked, grasping his lovers hip in a tight grip and squeezing, almost bruising him.

“No. She is soft in her words to me. Almost comforting, even. Apologizing for what she did to me, to Clint. Explaining what went wrong the last time.”

The engineer stared into his very soul, into his core, so intense was his gaze. Loki smiled softly.

“I am wary, and very cautious towards her force. She bewitched me once, I will not let that happen twice.”

Still not looking away, Tony pulled him closer.

“Tell me immediately if something changes. Promise me.”

Loki grinned.

“Pinky Swear?”, he answered, and Tony nudged him, before softly stroking his side.

“Twat. So, your idea. The Cube speaks to you. What more?”

“I may be able to call her to me. As I was able to operate her even with galaxies separating us. But I would probably have need of the sceptre.”

“Stealing away Thanos' power like stealing a lollipop from a child, are you?”

The god shrugged.

“Perhaps.”

Tony sighed, tucking his head under Loki's chin and nuzzling his neck.

“I'll watch you closely, Trickster, before I even will begin to think of letting you near the glowstick. If there is just the wisp of something wrong in you, I'll call your mom to deal with you. Understood?”

He was rewarded with a rumbling chuckle that vibrated in the pale throat beneath his lips.

“Now you have done it, Stark, I am officially afraid.”

“Well then, Stark, we are clear. Now”, pressing a kiss to the skin, “there are still some promises to fulfil, aren't there?”

Loki moaned, shuddering under fingertips touching and lips nipping.

“Ah yes. There are.”

 

 

Over the next two to three weeks, Loki found himself watching the feed from the lab with Steve or Natasha more often than not, staring at the monitor and trying to get a hold of the true intentions the Tesseract would hide from him. Sometimes, he would venture down, staying outside of the glass walls as per Tony's request, looking at the sceptre, still-standing, unmoving, not even daring to breath too loudly.

It was unnerving to the scientists, to say the least, and the whole team watched intently, afraid of the changes Loki would go through.

But there was nothing. He did not loose his wit, his sharp mind, or any other trait he had displayed before, he just stared and watched and did nothing.

Then he disappeared for two days, giving just enough warning so no one would be truly worried. Tony climbed the walls, of course. He had evolved into a downright mother hen since he knew he would become a father.

When Loki returned, he smiled, glee in his eyes, and handed Steve a little slab, cluttered with runes. Thor's eyes went big as saucers once he saw it.

“By the Nine, brother, what have you done?”, he asked, fearfully, and it sent chills down every spine in the room.

“I collected a debt. Please store it away safely, Cap, it will be of utmost importance once Thanos arrives.”

Thor spluttered.

“Collected a debt? From Hela?”

“Why yes, of course. She owed me a favour for some time now and was glad to fulfil my wish. One never likes to stay indebted to others.”

“A debt by the Goddess of Death?”

Several eyebrows shot up at that, while Loki chuckled.

“Surely you have heard of the mage who set her on her throne in Niflheim so many centuries ago.”

“That was you?!”

“Wait, what was that about a throne?”

“Goddess of the Death?”

The sorcerer cackled and sat down on the floor, exhaustion now clearly showing in his eyes.

“Once again, Princess. What exactly have you done? And are you okay?”

He nodded as Tony sat down besides him, and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“The journey to Niflheim always wears me out. It is the realm of the Dead, and therefore draws on the energy of the Living. Don't worry, though. We're fine.”

“Sure? Let Bruce check you. Jarvis, scan him!”

“Tony!”, Loki said annoyed. “We are fine. Your Bean is alive and kicking.”

Natasha and Clint snickered.  
“So, spill. What were you up to?”

The god sighed, albeit smiling.

“As stated, I collected a favour. When we first met, she was but a child, death gnawing at her very soul. Hela was dying from an illness no cure is known to. I sensed her power, the raw force racing through her and knew I could not let her wither away. I went to Niflheim, bargained with the former king, got him to accept her as his successor, and saved her life.”

“If I remember correctly, that happened almost nine hundred years ago. You mean to tell me you took on the God of Death before reaching your first century?!”, Thor asked, incredulous, and his brother nodded.

“It went as smoothly as a walk in a park. Both of them were rather taken with the other, and we are on amicable terms. Seeing as Thanos is courting Death, I figured she would be able to help us. She connected to the entity she serves, and bargained for the Titans immortality.”

Stunned faces all around him. He chuckled. Bruce cleared his throat.

“And that Mistress Death just accepted that? For us to kill her lover?”

Loki snorted.

“Death likes to be wooed, but even this force needs balance. Thanos disturbs the delicate equilibrium and Death does not like that. There can't be disparity, and it wants us to help out. Thanos dips the scale to one side, as he ever has done, and at the moment, the entity he worships favours life, to even out what he has done.”

“So we have an actual chance?”, Steve wanted to know, gnawing at his thumbnail.

“Once we get the Tesseract – yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... may have lost my own canon there. As I did more often than not in all my stories. Gods, I am so bad at keeping myself in check X'D
> 
> Thank you for the vast interest in a sequel! You guys are awesome!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun time for Loki, scaring the shit out of everyone. Yay!

 

 

Loki kept the habit of watching and standing in front of the lab for six more days. Then, he just teleported himself into the room, under the shrieks from Jane and Tony.

“Shh.”, he said softly, holding up a hand to stop them from coming near.

“Loki, step back. Please.”, Bruce spoke, calm and controlled.

“She is calling out to me to come and get her.”, the god whispered, left hand hovering over the golden alloy of the sceptre, fingers from his right one wriggling and suddenly there was the briefcase on the table in which SHIELD had contained the Cosmic Cube.

“What are you doing, Lokes?”, Tony asked, wary and very cautious, as not to disturb his husband.

“Get away from the Glowstick, sweet pea. Think of Beany.”

“I am. They will arrive soon, much sooner than you think. If I cannot call her to me now, it will be too late, and the Titan will extinguish us all before we manage to think about defying him.”, he said, and there was a glow surrounding the Shard and his hand, while he opened the briefcase with the other one.

“Loki.”, the engineer said, urgently and beseeching. The sorcerer shot him a look, sincere, confidant, and full of love.

“Trust me. Just this once.”, he asked of them, and Tony's shoulders sagged before he nodded.

“You know I do. Every time. Whatever you do.”

Loki smiled and turned his gaze back to the sceptre.

“Take a step or two back. And close your eyes, this might get radiant.”

The bluish glow intensified, just as Steve and Natasha came running down the stairs, banging at the glass doors. Clint followed suit, one of his arrows already trained on Loki's head, and Tony sprinted to the door, wildly gesticulating to wait for a moment.

A flash of light erupted and had them all moan at the pain in their eyes (well, besides Jane and Bruce who had heeded the warning Loki had given). When it abated, the Cosmic Cube hovered between pale hands, green eyes fixated on her, a gentle smile curving the Tricksters lips.

“Welcome.”, he murmured, and the Tesseract pulsated. He chuckled.

“I intend to. Now sleep.”

The glow died down, until it was just barely visible, and Loki placed her in the briefcase, closing it with a soft 'click'.

Before any of them could move, he then grabbed the sceptre and walked a few feet into the room.

Everyone called and yelled for him, Jarvis opened the doors, and they all scrambled to get to him, even Thor, who had yet to stumble down the stairs.

A second later, Loki snapped the sceptre in half, crushed the gem under his boot and caught the arrow Clint had let loose without even blinking.

It was silent, bar the breathing and sizzling of energy that fizzled out of the Shard.

Then Mjölnir crashed through the wall and hit Loki straight on his head, knocking him down, out like a light.

Tony yelped and hurried over to him, frantic, Jane and Bruce followed without a second thought.

“What the actual hell, Point Break?! Do you want to kill him?”

“I was under the impression he had to be contained!”, Thor roared back, but his voice wavered and was unsure, the hammer rushing back into his hand, electrical currents sparking.

“He was conspiring with that blasted thing!”, Clint yelled. “I'm not sorry!”

“Well you should be!”, Tony shouted, pulling his husband's head into his lap and gently stroking the black curls.

“Guys! Calm down!”, Bruce told them, and seeing as his eyes glowed a little green, they all fell silent again.

Natasha went to the briefcase and examined it.

“There is none to little energy flowing. What did he do?”

“No idea. He shut her down?”, Jane supplied, standing up and went to the fridge to get some ice.

“And he destroyed the sceptre. Plus the stone.”, Steve acknowledged.

“Yes, you freaky idiots hammered down my fucking pregnant husband without a reason, and that literally!”

A weak chuckle had him look down and sigh relieved. Green eyes blinked at him, amused.

“S'alright, mhfine.”, he slurred.

“No way, Rudolph. Bruce will check you out.”

“Tony--”

“Shut up and let him work.”, Jane said resolutely and pushed him down as he tried to sit up, pressing the ice to his head.

He chuckled again, and let them do what they wanted. Once Bruce had confirmed that he was indeed as fine as he could be after Thor's weapon brought him down, he sat up, rubbed his head and cast his brother an exasperated look. The Thunderer ducked his head a bit in shame.

“Norns, Thor, your aim is breathtaking.”, he drawled, and finally one of the currents went up to Thor's arm and he twitched. Loki grinned.

“I never thought to see the day when your own weapon would turn against you, but now you've really done it. She's angry.”

Another bolt clawed at Thor's biceps, earning a soft grunt. The sorcerer laughed, before wincing quietly and felt his head, coming across a bump and hissing.

“Damn. Well done, brother.”, he managed to grit out and let his magic heal the damage, sighing when the pain left his skull. Tony helped him stand up, satisfaction seeping through him as he heard crystal crunch under his feet and twisted his ankle once just for good measure, before walking over and smiling. He barely noticed what he had said, and that Thor happily let the anger of Mjölnir wash over him.

“She's back here, passive until I say otherwise.”, he stated, tapping the briefcase and feeling very smug.

“You just told her to stop whatever she was doing?”, Natasha asked, and Loki frowned a bit.

“Not exactly. She has been active for almost as long as Thor and I am alive, since she was lost to Odin when the Jotuns attacked Midgard and he went to fight them here, using her power. Remaining active means that the power builds up without an outlet, and the more power is stored, the more volatile she grows, or so she told me. In the passive state, the energy she creates can be absorbed by the surroundings, but as the Tesseract is not, in fact, alive, she needs to be told what to do. The backlash in the PEGASUS-building was caused by that overflowing energy, as she emitted as much as she could. After I used her to open the portals, her energy levels were a tad more balanced, so Thor could use her to transport us back and help reconstruct the Bifröst. Odin left her active, not knowing what that entailed, and so Thanos could find her, based on the energy she threw out. She told me what to do, and I told her what she needed to hear.”

“You can control her?”, Steve said, eyeing the briefcase warily. Loki nodded.

“I can. But I will not tap her power before she has rested for quite some time.”

Clint growled.

“You told Fury you'd never touch the damned thing ever again.”

The god smirked at him and shrugged.

“I changed my mind. I lied. Whatever. He lies as well. Fact is, Thanos has lost his source of power, and when he arrives, he will not stand a chance against us, as I am the only one to command the force of the Tesseract as of now.”

“How comes?”, Bruce wanted to know and asked Jarvis quietly to scan the Cube.

“She has come to me. Any object that is able to choose its Master binds itself to this person. Until I eject her, she is mine.”

“Like Mjölnir is mine.”, Thor added, nodding in understanding. Still lighting crawled up his arms, and he flinched slightly. Loki laughed.

“Let him be already. No harm was done. He made the right decision.”, he said, and the hammer ceased the electrocuting. Tony and Jane chuckled, as Thor furrowed his brows.

“It is very strange, her protecting you.”

“She does not protect me, she protects your niece. It just so happens I seem to be attached to that one.”

A giant smile lit up Thor's face, as well as Tony's. Loki groaned and rubbed his temples.

“I need more control over my words.”

“A niece!”, the Thunderer boomed, stepping up to him and hugging him so hard, the Trickster gasped.

“Let me go!”, he huffed, feeling being lifted up as the older god whirled him around. “Thor! You utter Idiot!”

He was put down again, and, feeling a little dizzy, another set of arms wormed their way around his middle and pressed him against the smaller frame of his husband.

“A girl, huh? When did you plan on telling me?”

Loki grinned, glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes.

“When would you have asked? I did not want to spoil the surprise.”

Looking around, he saw that Clint still had his eyes on the briefcase and the sorry remains of the sceptre that had caused him so many nightmares.

“Never again shall the Tesseract be used to enslave a mind. You have my word.”

The archer shot him a glance and huffed.

“The word of the God of Lies?”

“The word of a friend.”

 

 

Pepper had squealed and hugged him and Tony out of sheer delight when they had met for dinner that evening, the engineer blabbering away what he learned earlier. Thor and Jane had sat down and planned the nursery with her, amusing Steve, Clint and Natasha without end, while Bruce had made sure the impact with the Tesseract and Mjölnir had not left any lasting effects.

Tony tended to his every need, fetched him tea and a sandwich, some chocolate, lit up the fireplace when the smallest shiver went down Loki's spine and practically read his every wish before it even crossed his mind.

It was tiring and absolutely annoying, after the first thrill of being served like a king had abated (even if that one was well known to Loki, seeing as he had been raised a Prince).

After a stern word, Tony had ceased with the mothering, instead lying down with his head in Loki's lap and softly speaking to his belly, which had all of them chuckling.

“Don't laugh, Jarvis said babies can hear very early on. She needs to know about her awesome daddy and mommy.”

“You will make her deaf by the time she will be born with your ongoing chatter.”

“Or she could be the first baby born speaking.”

Loki flicked his fingers against his lovers forehead.

“Idiot.”

The truth was, since Tony had started speaking to their daughter, she was giving away a radiance of joy and happiness which filled Loki to the brim with bliss.

“Anyone else getting really sick with this image of utterly domesticity we have going here?”, Clint asked a while later, when they all had cuddled together on the couch and the rug, watching some action movie that had them laughing with the amount of ridiculous fight scenes. Natasha, Pepper, as well as Loki exclaimed their approval at that notion.

“Gods, yes. This is so disgustingly housewifely. Where has my Tony gone?”, the CEO whined, and said man just craned his neck upwards and grinned.

“Here, darling! Speaking to my unborn. Oh dear, remind me to fetch the groceries tomorrow, and I'll have to clean the flat! We will have guests over! And the laundry's due!”, he mock-gasped, staring up into his lovers eyes, who grinned and rolled his eyes.

“I know exactly that you will sneak down to the lab as soon as I am asleep to get your grubby little fingers on the remains of the sceptre, and the Tesseract. You would be the worst housewife in the Nine Realms.”

“Sweet pea, you hurt my feelings. I would _never_ do that.”

“Hush.”

Tony sucked in a breath in another mocking expression, faking being hurt.

“Now he goes and orders me to be quiet! Domestic violence, just a step away now!”

“You would not know what that would include.”

“Flying out of another window?”

Loki tickled him.

Jane chuckled.

“Hey, Loki, just to settle my curiosity. Has there been any morning sickness whatsoever? You're still slim as a rake, and all the other woman I have seen have looked so worn out in their first trimester, but you're always that perfect image of glowing one always assumes.”

“Morning sickness is a thing for mortals and humans. It is not common with the Aesir, and I am counting myself to them for the time being. It is caused by hormonal unbalance, but this is regulated, so, no, I have not experienced it.”

Then he pushed Tony out of his lap, ignored his whining and rucked up his shirt a few inches.

“Not as slim as before.”, he said, and true to his word, if one looked very close, a soft swell could be seen directly under his navel.

“In two or three weeks time, I'll have to buy new trousers. And Solveig has to cease wearing her favourite dresses. What a shame.”

“Shopping trip! Awesome!”, Jane, Pepper and Natasha exclaimed, widely grinning and ignoring the groan coming from the men.

“My poor bank account.”, Tony said, pressing a kiss to the exposed skin and pulling the shirt back down in sync with Clint making gagging noises.

“Oh come on, I'm making good money myself. Don't act as if I would bankrupt you.”

“Course not. Insanely rich. Always good to be secured. Have fun.”

Bruce snorted, sipping his tea and watching the bickering.

“So, please excuse me, but getting the Tesseract here was a bit straining. I'm knackered. Good night.”

When Loki had left, and Tony stayed, Thor looked positively confused.

“Are you not going to follow him?”

“Nah. That's his Baby-bonding time. He would not note my presence for the next hour minimum. He just lies in bed, and gets all cosy with his magic, feeling Beany emit all kinds of emotions.”

Clint groaned again.

“Are we sure this is the same crazy, insane alien who tried to conquer our planet and clawed some eyes out?”

Natasha chuckled and patted his head.

“Get used to it. Preferably before the mood swings start.”

“That will be one bitch of a time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is way shorter than the other chapters oO Haven't noticed that before, I usually tend to post 5pages. Well.  
> I warn you, I am very bad with fighting scenes. Don't get your hopes up to something breathtakingly awesome. I fear you'd be really disappointed.  
> But hey, Fluff aplenty ahead! And then this first one is done.  
> ...I should think about a title for a series, seeing as the sequel is already 50 pages. And I don't seem to find an end. Suggestions anyone?  
> And I'm still searching for a Beta. Someone who could work with my monsters. Erase all the kinks I build in an so on, I'm sure there are some.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had anticipated the battle for months now. The wait was over.  
> ... and hey, wasn't there something to tell the public?

 

 

It was the middle of February when Thanos finally arrived with the Other and a fleet of Chitauri. The Tesseract had awakened briefly some hours before, forced to active state by the Titan due to their connection, and they had been warned.

The plan was to first get rid of the Aliens, Leviathans and their weapons, before taking on their king, the Other, and at last Thanos himself.

The first invasion, the one Loki had lead, had been beaten down in a mere hour. This one lasted forty minutes before Thor handed the Other the last blow. The improvement in their strength made defeating them so much easier than before.

When at last they waited in Central Park for their enemy, their spirit was unbroken. Nothing could stop them.

“Loki Laufeyson of Asgard.”, Thanos said, grin plastered to his face as he looked around and took in what damage his minions had done to the city.

“Loki Stark of Midgard, nowadays, Mad Titan.”

“You have changed greatly since our last encounter, little god.”

Loki snorted, as he had done when telling his father by birth to restore Jotunheim, a smile tugging on his lips, sardonic and cutting.

“What you saw of me was a distorted image. It had never been me to begin with.”

“And you think you could best me?”

“Well, in light of the loss of your lackey, your army, your power... I believe we may.”

There was a sudden clash of energy right between them, an attack that Loki countered immediately.

“Steve! Smash the slate!”, he yelled, already casting another spell to defend himself and his friends.

The piece of stone hit the ground hard, dispersing in a million pieces that had the Titan scream out in agony as his immortality was taken from him painfully.

The fight began, seven against one, and they did not restrain themselves, littering the foe with attacks and not ceasing or retreating, even if they took a wild hit, especially hard swig, or some magical enforced beating. Gladly, the Titan had no time to get the concentration up and even attempt to brainwash one of them.

It was over when Bruce hulked out and did what he did best. He smashed Thanos head so hard into the soil that he did not come up again.

“Finish him.”, Loki whispered to the creature that had worked him over quite bad, too, and the Hulk grinned, raising his arms.

“Wait!”, Steve yelled, inducing the Big Green to turn around in confusion, while Loki straightened up and walked around the body lying on the ground.

“My Lady.”, he greeted, eyes fixated on the caucasian looking woman, clad in black robes, standing some distance away from them.

She smiled, and albeit it was a peaceful gesture, it sent chills down his spine. On instinct, his right hand almost went to his belly, before remembering that this would perhaps not be the best action to reveal to the entity standing in front of him.

Mistress Death laughed softly, and it sounded like nails clawing at a chalkboard. Loki flinched unseen.

“Do not worry. I know about every life, and I am not here to take one away.”

Hell, even her voice sounded strident, without being strident at all. It was soft and rich, dark, thunderous, and it let his blood chill down to a temperature the Jotuns would be proud of.

“I am here to take home the one known as Thanos. It is time for him to learn of the balance of the universe.”

“So be it, my Lady.”

She wafted over to the unconscious being, softly tapping his temple, and he vanished.

“Have my thanks, Trickster. You have done me and the other entities a great favour. You and yours. Equilibrium may be achieved in time, now that he is no longer searching for souls to gift me.”

She stroked Loki's hand with soft fingers, and his skin melted to the cobalt blue he knew there to be, but never accepted. He grit his teeth.

“This is what you are. Do not hide your true self.”, she said, still smiling.

“I was born in blue, but have been raised in human skin.”, he answered, letting his glamour take over again. “I found that I am able to live like that. With it.”

“So you still choose Odin above Laufey.”

“I chose my upbringing between a loving family over the abandonment by the parents that created me.”

Her smile widened, showing teeth, but it was genuine and not as frightening as before. Loki relaxed a bit.

“You have grown remarkably, Loki.”

She bowed softly, eyes never leaving him.

“We are in debt to you, God of Mischief. Whenever you are in need, I will await you. Farewell.”

And without another word, she fizzled out of sight, leaving behind a laugh that reminded him of bells and ice breaking.

He shuddered.

“Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”, Tony added, stepping up besides him.

“They never cease to amaze me. Since you turned up, they get more freaky the more they happen.”

The rest of the Avengers teamed up around them, slightly confused.

“What was that?”, Steve asked.

“That was Death. The entity. In the female form she sometimes takes on when interacting with others.”, Loki explained, earning some more shudders and gasps.

“Death. As in Grim Reaper.”, Natasha wanted to know, slightly pale around the nose.

“Yes. The manifestation of the force which ends lives.”

“Gods, I hope this was the last time I have to see something like this. I just can't get around it any more.”, Bruce droned, de-hulked and grabbing the poor remnants of his pants. Loki patched them up with the wriggle of his index finger.

“I believe this will be the strangest encounter you will have to believe in, Dr. Banner. After demi-gods, Aliens, Titans and some other pretty interesting enemies, this one tops it all. Even for me, and I wandered the Nine Realms.”, he said, shoulders sagging.

“Dasher, did your hand really turn blue as she touched you? Was that some kind of spell?”, Tony asked. Loki shifted from one foot to the other, avoiding his gaze. Thor answered for him.

“That was the colour his skin takes on when he lifts the glamour.”

“What glamour? You're still casting a glamour?”, Steve and Clint enquired about almost simultaneously, what got the sorcerer shifting more.

“I have worn that one longer than I can remember. I never lift it. Never.”

“Not even for us?”, his husband said while embracing him. Loki shook his head.

“Never. For no one. I merely am unable to sustain it under extreme cold – or much stronger sorcerers.”

“Really? What's so bad about it?”, came from Clint, eyebrow raised.

“The only one who can imagine is Bruce. And you know how he reacts to his other Guy. Mine is admittedly less unbalanced, but that does not mean I like it more due to that.”

“Oh come on, we already have seen you at your worst. Nothing could top kicking Thor out of the Helicarrier.”, Natasha stated, oddly curious. Loki shot her a dirty look.

“Then perhaps I should twist the knife in your red ledger and remind you of your own monsters, Miss Romanoff. The race I stem from was the one asgardian children are told of by night to make them behave. Like the monster under the bed, or werewolves, or other disgusting creatures.”, he spat, before sighing.

“We should leave. There are reporters already taking pictures, and I do not want to end up on some tabloid.”

“Agreed.”

 

 

“You are all over the news. And they are wondering who that new guy is.”

“Well fuck.”

Pepper sighed.

“It's not that bad, nobody knows you were the one the last time. SHIELD kept everything pretty closed up.”

“There are still shots from Germany.”, Loki grumbled.

“Did they recognize the Chitauri?”

“Yes, but you had them down so quick nobody bat an eye on them. Now, everyone's just wondering what happened at the end with that strange female appearing out of nowhere.”

“You don't wanna know, Pep.”, Tony said and flopped down on a chair, pulling Loki on his lap.

“I suppose so.”

“So, what now? Is he gone?”

“Yes, Steve, he is. His Mistress took him. He will not be a bother for quite some time. He will probably return someday, but he will be no more threat than he was today.”

A collective sigh was heard, before Natasha went to the bar and poured them all some drinks. Loki gazed at her as he only got a glass of water.

“That is so unfair.”, he muttered.

“Get over it. Back to your smurfiness, Princess.”

“My what?”

“Jarvis, schedule a Smurf-Rerun.”, Clint ordered before Tony could even think of it. They grinned at each other, before the engineer tightened his grip on his husband.

“You have already shared so much with us, with me. Why do you think you cannot show us what that other you looks like, too?”

Loki's face turned to stone.

“It's no matter of trust. Letting go of the glamour feels like admitting I am one of them. I am not. They left me to die, and I will not acknowledge a race that turns on their own children.”, he said gravely.

“But you have worn their skin.”, Thor said, a question in his words. Loki nodded reluctant.

“Once, to learn why my skin did not get frostbite like Volstagg did when touched by the monsters. To see if this was a curse placed on me. To inquire about my heritage, and my difference.”

He swallowed heavily. Five years had gone by, and it still felt as if his heart would be ripped out of his chest, knowing that he was one and the same as the vile creatures he had learned to loath.

“A second time as I froze Heimdall with help of the Casket. Never on purpose.”

His neck was kissed softly.

“What about Beany? Will you hate her as you do hate them if she happens to be a Frost Giant?”

The sorcerer turned his head to look at Tony scandalized.

“I could never hate her. Don't you dare imply something like that ever again.”

“Then why should you hate yourself?”, Steve asked, and that had him sigh.

“Upon learning what I was, Odin fell into the Odinsleep, effectively letting my thoughts go crazy on their own and stir up some of the maddest plans I ever came up with. Mother just said the lie was to let me never feel any different, but I had never felt like I belonged to begin with, so I felt betrayed by both of them. I never had time to cope. Falling into the Abyss just fuelled my hatred, meeting the Tesseract enhanced it further even more. After a year of insanity, my _loving_ father cast me out, calling me by the name I had feared he would call me since I knew about my heritage, and I just... blocked it out. This strange skin had cost me so much already, I would not allow it to ruin more of my life.”

Thor looked at him sadly, but also inquisitive. Loki could not meet his eyes.

“Could you perhaps be convinced to tell me how you look?”, Tony asked.

“Not even if I knew. I have never seen myself like that. Jotuns by themselves are about ten feet tall, wear dark blue coloured skin, and their eyes are crimson red. They wield ice like it is a part of their bodies. Perhaps it is. Their touch can be harmless, or inflict frostbite in mere seconds that blackens skin.”

“Well, sweetie, seeing as you are a magician, I would think you able to do that even without being one of them.”, Pepper stated and grinned brightly at Loki, who involuntarily smiled back a bit.

“I'm not very fond of this particular element. I played with it, yes, but I disliked the vibe it radiated. Your people have nicknamed me God of Fire for a reason. I never liked the cold. Of course, I never felt it, even when Thor already shivered and whined because his toes were freezing off, but I liked summer best, or the fires in the palace, sitting in front of them and feeling the warmth wash over me.”

“You froze the Bifröst.”, his brother said.

“Oh yes, but just because it was easier to freeze than to crystallize it.”

Loki pondered about this for a few seconds, as Thor explained a bit more about Frost Giants and their appearance. He took a deep breath and grabbed Tony's hand.

“Brace yourself.”, he murmured and cancelled the glamour. His husband shrieked at the sudden coldness pressing him down, chilly hand on his and not letting go.

Clint and Pepper choked on their drinks, Natasha looked at him with neutral interest, while Jane and Bruce already eyed him like he was a science project. Another one after the pregnancy. Thor grinned.

“Holy shit, Reindeer Games, a little warning next time, a little earlier perhaps. Hell, you are fucking cold.”, Tony grit out, teeth clattering a bit. Loki chuckled.

“You scream like a little girl.”

“Yes, well, normally my husband doesn't turn all freezer on me. Seriously, no wonder you're blood almost consists of pure antifreeze, if you're _that_ cold even without being on that freezing planet.”

Despite his words, he encircled him with his arms once again and brought their bodies closer together, shivering madly. Loki relaxed into the embrace.

“I always thought Frost Giants were bald, brother.”

Raising a brow, the sorcerer brought his hand to his head, frowning as he combed through his black curls.

“Look at that. Perhaps some things stick after living so long as Aesir.”, he mumbled.

“You don't look to be ten feet, your Craziness.”, Clint stated, clearly curious. Loki shrugged.

“That is the reason the people I was born to left me to die. I'm a dwarf.”

“You're six feet tall. Tony's a dwarf, you're not.”, Natasha snorted.

“Hey!”, said engineer indignant, but grinning.

“Now, be honest. Is it so bad?”, Steve asked, and Loki had to give them credit. Perhaps he had deuced it a bit. Placing the glamour on his body once again, he shook his head softly.

“I may have overreacted a bit. It still is not comfortable, though.”

“That's okay. No one thought it to be if you were so set against it.”, Bruce calmly stated and smiled at him.

“I know asking is probably futile, but would you let me draw you like that?”

Loki blinked, letting his head slowly turn to look at Steve. His eyes were comically wide.

“Please repeat.”

“I've studied arts, I did some comics back before the war started, and seriously, you are a very rewarding model. I would like to add some colour to my sketches.”

The sorcerer was sure he had never looked so confused before. Of course, he had known of that particular talent and had seen the Captain draw each of them before, but that? This really alien form?

“Is that some strange way to say you appreciate the look of the Jotun?”, he wanted to know, voice unbelieving. Steve shrugged.

“It suits you in a way. You have lines in your face, markings or something, it's quite artistic, and to be honest, my hand's really itching for that image.”

“Really now.”

“What he's trying to say is, you are damn sexy, and he'll get off on you.”, Tony snickered, tagging Natasha, Pepper and Clint along in the cheers.

Steve blushed furiously, stuttering his denial, getting even Loki to laugh.

“Calm down. And you shut your mouth.”, he said, pinching his lovers cheek. The genius grinned brightly and kissed him.

“I... will think about it.”, the god then said, cautious, and not quite sure he would breach the subject ever again in his life. Steve smiled at him thankfully, the red tinge in his cheeks still fully visible.

Pepper sighed.

“As nice as this is, I originally came here to remind you of that beneficial gala Fury wants you to attend tomorrow. And seeing as Central Park is in dire need of repair since this afternoon, it would be a bad idea to stay away.”

All of them groaned.

“I don't have anything to wear.”, Loki complained, earning chuckles at the blatant female statement. He glowered. “Bean takes up so much space already, nothing fits any more, and I didn't have time to get something new. My charms can't bend the materials that much as I would need by now.”

“Oh gods, does that mean we have to tell so soon?”, Tony whined, letting his head fall back over the backrest of his chair in a definitely uncomfortable bend.

“Probably. Get clear what exactly you want to reveal before then. Loki, we're going shopping tomorrow morning. Tasha, Jane, you want to come with us?”, the CEO asked, setting up appointments in diverse boutiques per smartphone. Both proclaimed great interest, while the sorcerer messed up Tony's hair playfully.

“What do you mean, smile and stay quiet? Let them get their own ideas?”

“Like after Christmas? You're still supposed to be terminally ill. Or an alcoholic. Or both.”

“Well then, how about... I tricked you into it.”, Loki smirked gleefully, getting Pepper snorting.

“Wait until they find out you don't have any sort of prenup.”

“They will have my head. And yours. Not to forget Loki's.”, Tony mumbled, rubbing his temples.

The Trickster rose from his husband's lap, kissing him and shifting into Solveig, and yes, there was a notable bump on her middle. While male, they hadn't noticed as much, courtesy of Loki's habit of wearing much too many clothes, even inside. She vanished for a few seconds, reappearing clad in some yoga pants and a tank top that stretched distinctively around her belly. Grabbing Tony's phone, she instructed Clint to take a photo of them both, before turning sideways and placing the engineers hands on her hips, smiling brightly. He frowned a bit, but when she looked at him directly, eyes ablaze with mischief, he grinned and leaned his forehead softly to her navel, gently muttering to his unborn daughter about crazy mothers and their pendant for creating Chaos.

The phone clicked and was returned.

“What are you up to, Trickster?”, Tony asked suspicious, pulling her back in his lap. She giggled.

“Prepare to be hashtag No. 1 in a few seconds. Oh, and you should probably call Zuckerberg and offer your apologies for breaking Facebook.”

With that, she uploaded the picture.

 

“ _We're safe again, thanks to you, my lovely husband and father-to-be.”_

 

And for Loki, this sentence entailed all Tony had done for him. Knowing who he was, and staying nonetheless. Mending him. _Loving_ him, and giving him hope.

Naturally, both sites exploded, and the following Gala left them surrounded with questions and reporters. But Loki would not have it any other way.

Lying in bed that evening, curled up to Tony, he finally was at home.

“Are you okay?”, the human asked sleepily, absently stroking his belly.

“Yes. Because of you. Thank you, my Man of Iron, for fixing me.”, he whispered, feeling a smile being pressed to his neck, followed by a kiss.

“Anything for you, Princess. Any time. For the rest of our very, very long lives.”, he mumbled.

Loki felt his lips curl up, too. Cuddling closer, he thought about what he had lost, what he had done, all the things that had hurt him and that he in return had done to hurt, any small reason which had shattered him, and found that nothing of it mattered in light of what he had found here on Midgard.

Tony would make sure that nothing, may it be small or great, would ever cage his soul again.

“That sounds divine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we've done it!  
> 20 chapters of strangeness, some odd 60,000 words, 105 awesome comments (the other half is mine ;D), almost 200 kudos, 26 Bookmarks and nearing 5000 clicks. I am in tears. Really, that you liked this thing so much is a huge pat on the back for me!  
> In time with my second run into the Cinema to Thor2 (this time in english, yay! Love Hemsworths and Hiddlestons voice!) we finish this first installment, and I am proud to announce that I am just now writing the last pages (that means I have 20 to go or so...) of a sequel where we will get to know what happens after Thanos has been brought down.  
> Disgustingly much fluff in the beginning, gets better in time. (Yes, I love fluff too, like any sane person, but too much and I'll vomit rainbows.)  
> The title will be "Point me t'ward tomorrow"
> 
> I even refrained from Thor2-spoilers for the first 5-7 chapters (The Dark Elves are defeated, after all... or are they?), and after that it will be greatly AUed.
> 
> Have my thanks, Midgardians, for staying with me this month and showering me with your love! ;)  
> You are fantastic!

**Author's Note:**

> Please review. I am so in need of feedback. I am a greedy little thing. Sorry. Hope it stirred some interest.


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